10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

i haven’t read the whole thread but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! I was a SAHM for a few years when my children were babies and every Saturday I would get up drive to our nearest city and stay out all day. I would just mooch around the shops, grab a sandwich for lunch and go home by 6ish with a takeaway. It absolutely saved my sanity and it taught my DH how hard it was to be at home with a young baby and toddler.
My children are very close to their Dad and him being hands on really cemented their relationship.
Tell him to do one! If you separated he’d would have to look after your child all on his own some. What a twat!

Two things are true

1. your husband is being a dick
2. the right amount of screen time for a 10mo is zero. Sorry :-(

Independent play is important for development, we didn’t have a playpen just because living room is so small but I always put DS down on a mat or with some toys while I had a coffee in the morning, he’s now a toddler who can entertain himself while I get on with some odd jobs.

10 months is a tricky age for making dinner as they are probably too big to comfortably have in a sling while you cook but by that time of the day both of you are tired and independent play is harder, you are touched out etc. my only advice there really is prep some stuff to freeze or make it earlier in the day so you can only take 10 mins.

would also definitely recommend going out at 4pm is on a weekend day and leaving DH to it so he experiences what it’s actually like!

@ILoveFatFaceSocks my DD was/is the same at night, in the end i took one side off her cotbed and wedged it between my bed and the wall like a big side sleeper, the cotbed was pretty much the same height as my bed so when she woke i could slide her over into my bed feed her (breastfed) and then slide her back once she was asleep, also stopped the worry of her rolling off the bed, she is 2 now and falls asleep in her own bed but will get out and crawl in with us half way through the night, i don’t know why because she is so restless in with us but doesn’t want to go back to her own bed 🥱.

Actually self soothing is a very important skill.
I'm not a nan I'm a much more recent mum and I've watched as all the mums who didn't let their baby ever fuss, co-slept, contact napped now have primary aged children who are crap sleepers, because no they never did get much better or learn to get to sleep by themselves. As a result their kids struggle to regulate their emotions as they are constantly shattered.
Whereas the mums I knew who prioritised good independent sleep habits early on have reaped the rewards long term with happy, well adjusted and well rested kids who are thriving.

Does your DH do any of the mornings with his DD? Or any childcare?
Take a mummy day off and see how he gets on with the cooking, housework and childcare - all of it.

I wish people would read before responding. The baby isn't bunged in a playpen to watch tv. The baby is happy playing independently in a large baby proofed gated area on the floor.the OP said the baby isn't looking at the tv, she is playing. It's the OP who is taking a but of time to herself. Good on you OP.
I always found my children were much happier to play independently in the morning, but I gave them breakfast straight away so that I could do dinner prep and housework after, while they played. Your system sounds better though - I ended up exhausted and frazzled by lunchtime.
Take no notice of either your Dh or the "perfect moms" - you do loads with your baby. Enjoy your coffee.

So much judgement, it's ridiculous. Op do whatever makes your life easier you're the one living it.
So many children now have to be constantly doing stuff, clubs everyday etc. They have no idea how to entertain themselves so starting off letting them amuse themselves is good. Tv on in the background is not going to do any harm, giving them a phone while out for a walk is bad and I see so much of that.

Clearly as a mum the OP should be cleaning, doing washing, tidying or making her DH cups of tea. Sit down and rest? Terrible! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t think my eldest played independently for a long time, I’m quite jealous.

Hi Op, I think you are a great mum, doing a fantastic job.

You are being very sensible to start your day by having a coffee, a sit and the tv on if you want. That's great self care and something mums absolutely have to do for themselves.

Your husband is being an absolute prick(sorry about the swears) but he is. He has no right to question you for using a play pen and having a coffee. For saying 'is mummy having a day off', I actually hate him!

And to all the sanctimonious scumbags you are partly the reason why so many mums struggle, lack of empathy, arrogant, superior rudeness, really just an opportunity to bully and back up a cheeky sod of a man. Well done ladies, it must make you feel so good to know you are so much better than the op. Shame on you nasty people.

Good luck op, keep doing what you are doing x

@ILoveFatFaceSocks Definitely leave dh for the day with baby. Invent a spa day with a friend or go alone. Let him see how hard it is.

Also my TV is constantly on in the background, it soothes my 10yo autistic son (currently frozen 2 on repeat 🤪) is my 2 year old watching it? -nope she is mopping the living room carpet 😂 while humming to herself lol.

This thread has taken an unpleasant turn!

I think your DH is BU. Baby is safe and happy playing and it sounds like your only really chance for hands free , hot liquid downtime during the day. And for some of us all the better if that's in the morning - sets you up for the day. It's actually a gift to children to teach them how to start the day calmly.

Tell DH you're actually doing your pelvic floor exercises. But he's welcome to use one of his breaks to take baby while you do them.

People could have made kitchen/screen suggestions without shaming you. And I think many aren't familiar with the type of playpen you're describing. Take what's helpful and well meaning from this thread and please ignore the rest!

Im actually very concerned about how your DH will be when you go back to work. He doesn’t seem to give you a break ever, not even to amuse little one whilst you are cooking. And then goes on about your half an hour morning chill time! When he has plenty of breaks at work and a full nights sleep!
So he’ll be expecting you (whilst sleep deprived) to constantly amuse little one, cook, work and everything else!
He absolutely needs a wake up call!

I did this. My son loved his play pen.

It was essential as we lived in a flat and I had to go downstairs to put up his pram (our stairs not some huge communal space but I needed him to be secure).

Learning to play independently is essential and something people neglect.

But not all babies like play pens as I found with my second.... unless her four year old brother sat in it with her which thankfully, as he'd liked it so much, he was always happy to do (so there may be potential future benefits in this).

There is a martyr style of motherhood which seems to believe the harder it is the more it proves you are doing it well. If you are both happy, it's the right thing for you.

Honestly what you're doing is fine. At this stage I was similar and worried about whether I was doing enough, people make it seem like you need to be actively engaging with your baby all day long but that's not practical!

Do you think that's what our grandparents generations did when they had a million manual household chores to do!

If your baby is happy and safe and you are making the time to have lots of engagement and interaction with them throughout the day there's no problem.

So you do all the night wake-ups and your DH sleeps though all of them yet he still thinks that he has the right to call you lazy? I would shake him awake and make him do them for a week and see how chirpy he is in the morning.

Yeah no this is pretty ridiculous. You think because people didn't let their babies cry it out and attended to their needs they now can't emotionally regulate and now sleep crap? 😂 What a leap.

Please do some research into emotional regulation and "sleep training". I won't be responding further on the topic as that is such anecdotal rubbish.

Would be lazy if it was all day but no not first thing in the morning when you are waking up, getting breakfast etc. It's not like you have to be on the go all the time.

Not lazy at all, totally fine. you are human too and that little break means you can take on the day and be a better parent.

Exactly.

DH doesn't do nights, at all, never wakes, even when you are shivering with exhaustion.
He apparently doesn't do shared weekend mornings where he gets LO up.
He has never cooked for the baby (does he ever cook for you??)
When you are prepping baby dinner you are also trying to do dog, dishwasher and tidy up. This is too much to do and means you don't have time to take care of baby so naturally baby needs something to keep occupied, Mrs Rachel is the reasonable thing you have chosen. But cooking a quick stewed apple and baby pasta and defrosting a pot of sauce you prepped (or HE prepped) at the weekend would take half as long. You're doing too much in that time.

What time does he get home? He needs to either take baby when he gets in and do bathtime, or tidy kitchen, put on a wash, load dishwasher, see to dog. Does he do all/any of this?

He works from home so he can pop in and admonish you. What time does his wfh start? Is it 9am by any chance? In which case what is stopping HIM having a shower at 7.30 and getting ready, then HIM taking the baby for that hour so you can rest and get up (or watch eastenders on your phone in bed)??

The screen time isn't covering for your laziness, OP, I suspect it is covering for his.

MN is batshit at times, OP.

Unimaginative posters read the tone of one response and replicate it and, before you know it, there's a pile-on. Lots of those who have criticised you will have put their small babies in nurseries where they will have routinely been left to entertain themselves for 30 mins at a time if they were happy playing. Babies with siblings are also left to play independendly for short periods throughout the day. Both are absolutely fine and what you're doing is too.

People will project their own faults, motivations and frustrations into their responses so they mostly aren't relevant to the reality of your situation.

I'm interested to understand why your husband feels it's appropriate to tell you how to parent and why you feel the need to ask for validation from others to counter his criticism. Is he controlling in other ways?

From what you have described, your baby has a lovely variety of activities throughout the day and you're a wonderful, engaged, loving and interested mother who is giving her the very best start in life.

Stop worrying about what others think. If your wellbeing is supported by having a coffee and watching a bit ot TV while your baby play, that is also the best thing for your baby. She needs a happy healthy mother to give her a happy healthy childhood.

Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy this time with your baby. She's lucky to have you

Agree with you it’s not lazy at all
personally I think it’s beneficial to the child to learn to entertain and amuse itself
they don’t need constant contact and stimulation

Not lazy at all- all children need to be able to entertain themselves, & sounds like your daughter is enjoying doing that. It’s a developmental milestone.
Maybe the ‘lying down’ on the sofa is what is perceived as being ‘lazy’ but a slow morning is one of the joys of life- & one which will soon be a distant memory once your child is at nursery/school and then weekends make way for clubs and sports.
Enjoy it! I’m sure your husband’s work day is at 100 miles p/h ALL the time! Every one has down time in their day- just so happens yours is early 😊

Everyone thinks their exact line of parenting is the right one and anything else is too lax or strict. I never used small screens. I think they're the epitome of lazy parenting with most parents knowing already that the research is showing they're damaging long term but still choose to do anyway for their own sake. So I judge you on that. But mine also watched tv for about the same length as what you're saying so I don't judge that. You make the best decisions you can with circumstances and knowledge you have and just have to try and own it with a bit of confidence.

Your husband doesn't get a vote if he doesn't look after her for the same length of time as you do on a regular basis.