10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

He’s wrong. There is no reason that children must be constantly held or entertained. She’s being looked after, she’s being fed and she has her toys. If you are enjoying your coffee with the tv on while she’s playing then that’s fine too.

I would tell him to keep his judgment to himself and if he cannot be kind to you through the day then to go back to the office. Alternatively, you go back to work and he can hire a nanny he instructs, a cook and a cleaner that he instructs and when he sees the eye watering cost of that he will likely shut up.

Some people just can’t handle the idea of a women not being at everyone’s beck and call 24/7 can they? 😂

This is literally what I do with my 10 month old! It's a lovely time with lots of breaks - I also do creative things I like to do (reading/writing/drawing) while she plays happily in the playpen or crawls around me. It's not lazy at all OP - being "on" constantly with a baby is exhausting! And your baby sounds happy

How dare you allow a child to play happily on their own?
Do you know how dangerous it is having a content child learning how to be independent?
😂😂

OP ignore the negativity on here.
You are doing fine.

There was a thread yesterday about an OP with a very clingy baby where she was struggling to cook or clean and everyone told her to put the baby in a playpen or high chair.

I think it sounds like a wonderful routine and you and baby obviously enjoy your morning routine and so why change it.

I assume DH takes the baby on weekends and his AL, so how does he do things differently?

That’s exactly what it is.

Sounds like a lovely routine that works for both of you. Well done for taking some time to fill your own cup and teaching DD independence and giving her the chance to explore and create her own play.

Parenting is so hard- the baby stage is not easy. If you are managing to get some time to rest and have a coffee, that's amazing! No one should make you feel bad for that! It doesn't even matter what the rest of your day is like or what other people's routines are- you're managing to get an hour of calm time where your baby is happily playing and you can have a coffee and watch tv. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I never had that with any of mines but I 100% would have taken it had they let me! Long may it continue for you- enjoy your coffee 🙂 Oh and your husband should not be saying any of that- he obviously doesn't understand how hard it is looking after a baby. You're doing a great job and he shouldn't be shaming you for taking a small bit of time while the baby is calm!

Sounds fine to me, i like to enjoy my morning coffee too, its the only coffee i can drink before it goes cold lol xx

I was totally with you to begin with but then you said up to an hour, which I think is too long. I’d take 20-30 minutes to have your coffee and wake up then start the morning together having breakfast etc. The rest of your day sounds lovely. Screens are very over stimulating for little children so I always avoided turning on until mine had gone to bed.

Your DH is a complete dickhead. How often is he looking after her?

@ILoveFatFaceSocks I'm not sure if you're new here, but to enlighten you if so, a lot of posters have very poor reading comprehension skills. They're surmising from your posts that your poor wee baby is trapped in a 1m x 1m playpen being forced to watch Bold and the Beautiful reruns for hours on end.

A baby happily playing with their toys, while being supervised by mum, is absolutely fine.

Your DH on the other hand, can get fucked with his passive aggressive comments.

People are getting off the point a bit here. OP has a 'D'H problem, no problem whatsoever with how she spends her day with her DD. How about you leave your 'D'H to look after DD on his own for a week, see how 'lazy' he is then. Stand your ground OP, babies change so quickly then you're onto the next thing. Teaching her she can entertain herself is gold dust and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I think where you say play pen, I imagined a travel cot type sized pen but you described something much bigger. So it’s basically “AIBU to let 10month old DD have some down time and play with her toys/bumble around while I watch her and have a coffee for 30-60 mins in the morning with the tv on?”. I think yanbu at all and in fact it’s really good for babies to have time where they entertain themselves. I think your DH hasnt had to do your job for a period of time so doesn’t understand that sometimes you need a bit of head space. She gets playing time, trips out and baby groups, cooked food (you wouldn’t need ms Rachel if you were shoving pizza in!), independent play time, contact naps and a close bond. Plus you’ve found a way to build in a bit of downtime for yourself so you don’t burn out despite the night wakings and contact naps. It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job.

The saying “there’s no way to be a perfect parent but there are a million ways to be a good one” springs to mind. I think your DH is actually being quite unfair. Does he pitch in with parenting and household jobs?

Morning. No tv this morning for me.. esstenders isnt on during the weekend, shame 🙈
To answer some questions, dh sometimes takes dd while I cook dinner but he always appears with her "let's see what mummy is doing" she then becomes unsettled and wants me. So sometimes I crack on with tv and just tell him what time it'll be ready.
Dinners: she sometimes has what we have which is a time-saver but she usually has her own meals as its healthier. This is because sometimes we will just have something quicker, burgers and chips etc. I usually put alot of effort into dd meals, home made always. Altho i do believe sometimes i overcomplicate and less elaborate, etc. She does have our meals if we have curry, spag bol, etc. But dh is vegeterian and I was happy not eating meat before dd so we werent having to cook two meals but since having dd I now cook lots of meat as she isnt being raised a vegeterian. Its also reminded me how much I like meat! No matter how much dh says, quorn does not take like beef. So some days I am cooking two meals, something for me and dd and then something for him.
Why dont I cook in the morning or when she sleeps at night. Because since transitioning to her big cot, sleep has never been the same. She used to sleep 11hrs a night. But she didnt really nap! Since transitioning she naps now on the clock at 1 and 4 (ive tried cutting this one out but it fails so I reduce it to a cat nap, 15mins top). Now her sleep is completely different. She wakes repeatedly throughout the night and wants to sleep in our bed. Something that she didnt do before. So each night is me getting up, soothing her, getting her get back to sleep, leave room. Dh is a deep sleeper, I even have to nudge him when his work alarm goes off as he sleeps through it. Its annoying AF. So when baby cries / monitor goes off, I wake instantly he doesnt budge. I sometimes decide on an easy life and she will come to bed with me at around 430ish for a bit. Probably where I fail as I give in but I didnt give in for weeks and omg I ended up so ill. Shivery, being sick, completely sleep deprived. As she was determined to come into our bed and was awake every hour crying. Not wanting food or anything as she sleeps within seconds in our bed. I dont feel comfortable when she is in our bed as I have the fear of rolling onto her or DH! Plus she likes sleeping myside of the bed, right next to me, so I end up hanging off the bed and dont really sleep right.
So my morning coffee means the world! I am not a morning person. Never have been, but I am knackered. I also know that I dont switch off really. When she sleeps in evening I am constantly waiting for her to wake up as she usually does. I was repying so much last night as she kept waking and only sleeping with me next to her. This was constant until about 4. I brought her into bed around 530 as I was so sleepy. I know I could probably start our day at that time but with having little sleep before, I am about 10% of myself.
Sorry if I have missed any other questions, I didnt expect to get so many replies.

For me here the big question is... It is 30 min or 60min. There's quite a big difference, 20-30 while you drink a coffee isn't so bad, 60min with the TV on (and I'd wager most mornings it's 60 min, not 30, as you've said 9am she has her breakfast so blates this is 8-9 every day) and I bet your baby is actually only 'happy playing with toys' for a full hour because the tele is on and it's stimulating her due to the bright lights, changing picture. So while you prob aren't considering it 'screen time' it effectively is.
Eg why does she need to be in her playpen for this? Why can't you pop her on the sitting room floor with toys while you drink your drink?

Also, you need to get her napping not on you. Otherwise when she goes to nursery/childcare you are going to have real difficulty with her not napping at childcare and coming home exhausted and being really difficult at bedtime due to overtiredness. Not to mention you'd have so much more time for yourself - eg at 10 months mine would have napped for about 45-60min in the morning and often about 90min - 2hr at lunch/early afternoon. It meant I could clean and tidy, have a really nice lunch break for myself with a hot cuppa and a bit of tv or a book, then do a bit of dinner prep eg chop a few veggies or make a dish that just had to be bunged in the oven. It meant I had less to do later on when they were fussy.

You need to put the work in getting the naps sorted out.

Sounds like you are doing a good job- a soft start and chill for yourself before giving all your energy to DD for the rest of the day.
what would people prefer? That op got up and started activities with DD and then burnt out by 11am? Mums mental health is important!
I also felt the house lonely with just me and one baby so I’d put tv on for a bit of background noise too.

Your doing the right thing
the problem is some people NEVER put there child down they cause an unhealthy dependency and make a rod for there own back
before ours were mobile just used to lay them on a mat with a few toys they’d gurgle , kick and amuse themselves
made a point of not always being in there eyeline
both ours were incredibly chilled and easy to settle I’m sure this helped

Honest opinion? Absolutely fine to have in the playpen playing while you relax, but not great having crappy tV in the background.

IP I have the same thing with my 10-month old. I have a floorbed (mattress on the floor) with no duvet etc. if she rolls off its so low it doesn't hurt her. Definitely try it if you need to co-sleep. Much safer than a normal bed x

OP you need to sort out the sleep issues. 1pm is quite late for baby's first nap at 10 months old if she hasn't had any morning nap at all. Prob the reason she then will only settle on you is she's overtired. And you need to get the night sleep sorted, what time are you putting her to bed as if baby is in bed at 7 why can't you go to bed at 9 and get a decent chunk of sleep in before she starts waking?

thats annoying. I need breaks in the day too and let my child play independently whilst I have a coffee or do chores. I am very much ‘in’ throughout the day. How does a typical day when he does full card look… mine asked how do I hear up baby porridge today….

Sounds to me like he needs to spend the day looking after his baby. Do it. At the weekend- take off for the day and leave him with the baby. Then ask him for a detailed itinerary of his day and pick holes in it.
Because no one who cares for a baby spends all of their waking hours interacting with them. And if they are, they are going to end up with a child who has no idea how to just ‘be’ and to entertain themselves. Janet Lansbury talks about this, the need to just let babies and children play on their own. Supervised obviously (depending on age), but completely controlling their own play.
The people who disagree with OP and the idiot who said you are lazy- how?why? She lets the baby play by herself for 30-60 minutes while she has a coffee and watches TV. With toys, not in front of a screen. This baby doesn’t nap. Then she has a screen for a short time while OP cooks. The rest of the time OP is playing and interacting with her daughter? Do none of you ever have a tea/coffee and a sit down? I suppose your ten month olds are cooking with you? Chopping the veggies and draining the pasta? How do you get housework done? But you perfect parents probably have babies who nap for 2.5 hours a day and that’s when you have your downtime. Seriously, I despair of some of you judgemental c*s.

A lot of self righteous martyrs on this thread. Be careful you don't slip from that high perch you find yourselves on...

I am not a morning person. I need an hour to find the will to live lol. If this is what keeps you sane amd baby's happy and clean and fed; I say enjoy it while it lasts because it won't last long. Take care and enjoy your coffee and bit of grounding in the morning.

Yes, in most cases new young mums do know best to be honest. They tend to be more up to date with current advice than somebody who had babies 30 + years ago.

Sorry if that annoys you or you think you should be able to pass on pearls of wisdom like letting your baby cry to sleep so they "self sooth", or thinking that feeding them solids mean they won't wake up 🥴.