10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

It really depends what else are you doing all day? Are you making sure she has activities and stimulation going out for walks seeing things doing some play and conversation with her? Of course you should feel able to sit down for half an hour and have a coffee.

Good grief there are some sanctimonious mums on here. I am going to freely admit that my kids had Peppa Pig and CBeebies on a loop. They danced to Zingzillas and Mr Tumble. I would play with them, but I would also lie on the sofa or floor while they crawled over me. I would feed them in front of the Tv as well (clutches pearls). They even used my IPad to play toddler games!

Guess what, they are both teens now, happy, sociable, hard working, smart and fun to be around. I have had a pretty easy ride from them as they are lovely. They will be off to Uni soon.

People who tell you they live entirely tuned into their baby, playing and stimulating them every waking hour are probably not being truthful. days are long, babies are boring, and that is why nurseries are a great thing if you are just not that kind of mum.

I'll get shot down for this here, but anywhere other than Mumsnet I would say 95% of people would agree with you...

What do you mean the TV doesnt need to be on? OP wants it on because she likes watching it. Women are allowed to do things they enjoy you know, even when they're mothers.

OP if you were a man doing all this, you'd get nothing but praise, and it would mostly come from other women, so ignore the ridiculous sexist double standards. Some people think women only exist to serve others and grind themselves into the ground.

I don't really get why it's an issue if you have a happy baby.

I had a travel cot as a playpen but my lounge was pretty much baby proofed so I used to sit on the sofa with my coffee whilst they roamed around.

Playpen was used for periods where I needed to go do jobs upstairs like clean the bathrooms/put washing away.

The kitchen is next to the lounge and had a baby gate so I would either use the playpen or just leave them in the lounge. I can't see the whole room at a glance but I can easily poke my head through the door and I also have ears.

They both also had screen time especially those 5am starts when I was heavily pregnant with #2. I would attempt to put #1 in bed with me and put cbeebies on to give me that bit longer, I worked evenings then too so I was so tired. I still can't hear Baby Jake without having flashbacks to those nornings...

We made it through and now they are 8 and 10 and haven't yet turned into delinquents but I guess there is still plenty of time. I still do things that would horrify people, they play out on the estate without me and my youngest made me a cup of coffee yesterday (I carried it back upstairs to bed though) I also let them use the air fryer too and they are no longer supervised in the bath, they even run it themselves now.

As parents there is no black and white, we can only do what is best for us and our children. What works for one family wouldn't work for another, if what you are doing works for you then carry on doing it as long as there is no neglect going on (which there isn't)

I agree, no TV sitting down having a coffee is fine. I have the same regrets and it’s a shame that health visitors instead of being very judging and just discussing weight and feeding and literally nothing else to help you. At least that was my experience and not seeming all that friendly and supportive either. They could advise on such things but they don’t. It’s like they’re dealing with the lowest common denominator issues and that’s all.

Go away for a weekend and leave DD with DH. He will have less opinions after that, and nothing wrong with having a coffee while baby plays safely. A half an hour in the playpen is fine and mums need a break. Next time he makes a comment tell him he is welcome to take over and walk out of the house. He will learn to keep his gob shut!

get a jumperoo, aka the circle of neglect. This was an absolute game changer for me, letting them tire themselves out whilst I pottered or had a coffee. Was gutted when they got too big for it.

It does seem a bit lazy 😂 but inherently nothing wrong I guess, as long as she’s not yet hungry for breakfast (has had milk) and isn’t watching the TV herself. I would limit the time to 30 mins though as it must be a bit boring for her.

Agree with your DH, very lazy. Why have a child at all if you’re not prepared to devote yourself to them? You should be interacting with them at all times with the exception of toilet breaks (but try to limit those), showering if you absolutely have to and keep it to a quick rinse so you can get straight back to baby, that kind of thing

He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy

The criticism about you pulling your weight etc may or may not be valid (doesn’t sound valid to me) but if he really spoke to you in thise terms I’d be getting divorce. Sounds like language a rude employer would use to a employee/servant.

It does sound quite a lot of tv/screen for a baby. I’d ditch the screen and pop music or a story on. Nothing wrong with independent play.

Good grief there are some sanctimonious mums on here.
Absolutely! There’s some competitive one up man ship on this thread. No wonder mums feel shit about themselves.

’Gentle nursery rhymes’ made me laugh. My kids have seen me dance and sing along to heavy metal, rap, pop, all sorts of stuff. The Greatest showman soundtrack was a bathtime favourite.

Ignore the miseries calling you lazy. Good god the world is judgy if you are not a morning person. I hate mornings! I am a definite night owl!
My son used to go in a bouncer for 30-40 minutes every morning whilst I had tea and toast and read my book or scrolled my phone by which point I was much more ready to parent enthusiastically.
There is bad screen time and a lot of children are having way too much from a young age but miss Rachel whilst you cook dinner is totally fine, ignore the drama lama's (just don't give in to throwing phones/tablets at them when you are out and about and they should be interacting with the world around them)
Independent play is very important, mummy getting some downtime to relax is very important. Everything is balanced and your routine sounds just fine.
(Mummy of 2, teacher of 20yrs, just finishing a degree is psychology and child studies...the current block focusing on "intense parenting" that is now expected, mostly of mums. "Good enough parenting" is no suprise...good enough. Helicopter parents raise anxious kids)

What does your dh do? I’d be offering him some advice every night on things he should do at work then saying well if you can judge my parenting despite having never done more than an hour then I’m completely qualified to tell you what to do in your job, we can both be just as judgey as each other.

Sounds like more time with baby WHILE getting stuff done is needed for him. No rests or breaks for him this weekend without a ‘umm- the newspaper/cricket? Really? Your daughter is right there, don’t you think that’s lazy parenting?’ When these men are so casually judgey they really need don’t be an asshole hammered home repeatedly with a big hammer. Go out and let him cook dinner with dd. Say I’ll be back for dinner, enjoy.

What would you do for half hour whilst your child is happily playing independently?

I doubt it. Mumsnet has this strange contingent of pretend perfect mother keyboard warriors. They probably aren’t even mothers tbf.

Who on earth would think there is an issue with chilling with a coffee while baby’s happily playing? Utterly bizarre.

But the DH is a dick, that is a problem.

Maybe her child doesn’t happily play 🤷🏻‍♀️

Neither of mine were that easy to please at that age tbh 😂😂

I quite agree. She doesn't need coffee either. Such decadence should always be discouraged.

Bloody hell. She's having a litttle "Me time" before the day really gets going. Calling other parents lazy is a crappy thing to do, especially in a situation like this. It's a cup of coffee and a little chill out. The husband is also an arse for calling the poster lazy. I'd love to know what his input is. I think this poster knows what does and doesn't work for her, her baby and their routine. She wasn't asking if random women on the internet think she's lazy, she's basically asking "Is my husband a self-righteous arse?" And the answer is - yes, he is!

A baby plonked in a playpen in front of a TV for an hour is pretty shit.

However, many have to do this to get housework done.

If plenty of other activities go on for the rest of the day, it balances out.

You sound like a brilliant mum.
It would be interesting to find out how your husband would deal with full time child care

Only you will know how long your baby is in the playpen and how long you are watching TV whilst they are in it.
I say this as some of your posts are a bit contradictory. Some posts say she is only in the pen for half an hour to an hour .
Then you say if not walks or so on you sometimes go into the playpen with her to play during the day. I would bring her out of her pen to play with her. Not go into it with her.

The comparison between 2 children based solely on screen time is spurious because there are so many other factors at play in how a child is developing.
We all know too much screen time is bad for everyone but parental attitudes and what else is going on for a child will shape their behaviour and development to a far greater extent overall.

I don't see the problem here. All you are doing is having a little bit of downtime in the morning before the rest of your day which is busy with activity. It's hard being a parent and are you the one that gets up in the night if needed or does he?

Perhaps you need to go away away for a couple of days and leave him to it and see how he gets on!