10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

I thought you were going to say baby wakes at 5am or something...8am really isn't late. An hour of TV is too much imo. But I think the phone in the highchair is more of a problem. No need for that - so she cries if she doesn't have it? So what. Sometimes you have to put up with a bit of discomfort if you know you're making the best choice for her.

You're doing a great job.

The playpen is great, and it's fine for you to watch TV while she's playing in it. She doesn't need interaction with you the whole time. She is building independence, an ability to play by herself, autonomy, following her interests.

Ignore the naysayers. I am sure they never played constantly with their children.

I also wouldn't leave her in there with a monitor while you cook. I would get DH to entertain her at this point. It doesn't sound like he does anything with her so here's his opportunity to show you how it's done!

Op are you going to tell us how often your dh looks after your child alone? I presume by the way youre avoiding the question its never? I think its time he started having entire days to parent by himself.

Also every single parent i know IRL watched/watches TV with a coffee first thing in the morning. Enjoy it while you can!

Most people will agree you need time to yourself and your 10 MO should be learning to play on their own. I suspect the point of difference is having a TV on rather than say music or silence. Your child may be distracted by the TV and this would count as screen time. Also, if your DH is unhappy about this, talk to him, don’t engage in pass agg interactions, ask him and involve him.

TBF I also think you advice is really dated. You don't need to train a 10mnth baby to sleep through the night by stopping it from napping. That just sounds miserable and doesn't sound happy for Mum at all.

What does that have to do with anything? Will never understand this obsession with people who sleep train to evangelise everybody else. Sleep training really doesn't work for most babies. I'm sure OP is doing whatever works for them. Also, babies sleeping 7 to 7 is a fallacy. Some do, of course, but most don't. It's a capitalist need so parents work and participate in the system, but biologically speaking, we know that people (that includes babies) have different sleep needs and different biological clocks.

It's all in the context of the whole day/week. I honestly think parenting expectations have got a bit extreme. There was a parent on a local group who took their kid to about 6 classes a week and was asking if everyone thought that was sufficient for the baby's development. We're going to be driving parents (mostly mothers) into the ground. That's not what we should want for women and children. Putting the TV on in the background for 30 mins when your baby is interacted with normally/lovingly, gets out and about, and is read to for the rest of the day is fine.

I think it’s possible your vision of a playpen is very different to the set up OP has.

Playpens can be huge, they’re essentially just roping off a safe half/part of the room. We’re not talking about the playpens of the past which were travel cot sized.

The main thing that struck me is - if your DH is WFH, why doesn't he take the baby first thing and while you make dinner?

I watched so much TV on mat leave! The baby never watched it so I didn’t count it as screen time. I was always sat next to them and they played. I don’t see the issue having a coffee. The rest of the time we did baby classes, walks, reading, singing. It was nice to have some background noise on otherwise it was every lonely

I think this is fine. Babies are not diplomatic - if she wasn’t happy in the play pen she would let you know. You are there, seemingly responding to her needs. If she’s happy amusing herself that’s fantastic.

I’m a mum of 3. If you get a peaceful coffee in the morning then enjoy it.
re the high chair, mine hated going in unless the food was ready and we were sitting down to our meal. So while I cook they play on the kitchen floor with utensils. Or at 10months old I put them in the toddler tower so they’re at my level and can see all the action and “help”. they love that. My 2year old is still loving the toddler tower. They certainly would not be happy in a separate room while I cook. Nor would I !
I tend to cook dinner early in the morning when everyone is in good form and have it in the slow cooker for the evening meal. NHS has issued new guidance this month on zero screen for small babies so I try not to use, unless my toddler is upset in the car and I have to drive for the school run etc.

The 34% who don't agree with you have either never had a small child or are men (who also have never been in the trenches).
When you have a small child it's a marathon not a sprint and you have to take it where you find it. If that time in the morning sets you up for a peaceful and productive day, then go for it.
It's not laziness, it's self preservation

This is a non-issue. Babies change and develop so quickly anyway that it won’t be long before she won’t ‘let’ you do this so you might as well enjoy it while it lasts. I kind of understand where your DH is coming from because when mine were babies I tried really hard to to educational stuff all the time whereas he would just put the telly on if he had them even for a short time and I can remember thinking, hang on, I’m making a lot more effort…. But you’re doing great stuff the rest of the time so really it’s just that your ‘down time’ is early in the day. As you say, others would do that in a nap time maybe.

The playpen is NOT in the kitchen nor can she see the playpen from the kitchen. OP puts baby in the highchair while cooking so baby is safe.

I had a bottom drawer in the kitchen full of Tupperware and unbreakable stuff and when I was cooking would put my DD on the floor nearby and she would rummage through the drawer and play with the containers and bang on them with a wooden spoon etc. Would keep her occupied for ages.

No of course you're not lazy for having your coffee (or eating your lunch, or reading a book, or anything) while your child plays happily within sight of you. When did this idea that it's somehow a bad thing for kids to amuse themselves come along? I missed that memo. And then people complain that they've got a kid of 6 or 8 or 12 who demands attention and entertainment absolutely all the time. Bonkers.

Tell DH if you hear any more comments like that you'll show him what lazy actually looks like - he can do all the childcare and all the cooking for a whole day, maybe two...bloody cheek.

I can see that it might look "bad" that you're chilling and baby is in a playpen if you look at it from the most basic level, but it's not as simple.

Contact naps all day (I did that till ten months too as baby was not one I could just put down) mean you have precisely zero time just to BE. Just to quietly exist, which many crave in the mornings as you wake up.

You're with your child all day doing other chores like cooking, if you have a way that help you do it while caring for her then fair play. It's mot like you're leaving her alone in a room in a playpen alone, these tiny moments of peace are rare on maternity leave and the baby sounds happy with her toys. Your DH is being hypocritical, if he had her all day I wonder if he'd manage to live by his tenets of parenthood.

Yes, baby needs to still be napping during the day. I think my toddler dropped to one nap around 1 year old but small children really do need a rest in the afternoon.

If hes your boss and he is paying you as a childcare professional then maybe yes.

But given hes your DH, jeez, hes a wanker. How dare he?

This is a brilliant post.

Having a hot coffee while your child is in a playpen is a hell of a lot safer than having your child around the coffee. As someone who has seen a lot burns from hot drinks.

Each to their own. It sounds like he was taking the mick. Joking with you.

Same!

It’s 8am here. I’ve been awake multiple
times with the 10 month old. We’ve got Ms Rachel on whilst I have a coffee before breakfast. I just need 20mins to feel human again. DH is still in bed as he was on toddler duty last night, due to 2yr old being unsettled during the night. I know we’re all supposed to be ‘no screen time or your kids will grow up developmentally delayed’ these days, but the reality is that sometimes, for your own sanity and to be the best version of yourself, it’s a great tool. My 10 month old is currently clapping along to the songs whilst my toddler is singing along.

I don’t use a playpen as we’re fortunate to have a large living room which is fully babyproofed. I don’t care that my living room looks like a playgroup, so they’re free range 😂

We definitely don’t allow small screens or anything that gets them sucked in and turned into little zombies. Educational or the 80’s/90’s versions of Postman Pat & Fireman Sam are good choices due to being very slow paced.

It’s all about balance. I’d love to be engaged from the moment I open my eyes, but I’m human. There are mornings like this when I’m exhausted and just need a little time for my soul to re-enter my body!

You’re not a lazy parenting because your baby watches TV whilst you mentally prepare yourself.

If your DH has a massive problem with this, suggest he wakes up earlier and starts the day with her in the way he thinks it should be done.