10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

You said you were lying on the sofa, which gives the impression you were getting all comfy for a session of watching tv. Nothing wrong with sitting down drinking a coffee in the morning, I did the same when mine were young, but the lying down is probably not a good optic.

It’s going to be a very very long 18 years for you if you’re interested in the opinions of other people about what you do in your house
I couldn’t give a flying fuck what anybody thinks about my parenting
Never could and it’s served me well through life

My babe also exclusively contact naps (8 months) so I know how tiring it can be. I also breastfeed her and she is a terrible night sleeper. I also think your husband is being a dick telling you you're being lazy, you're not imo.

That being said, I wouldn't have the TV on in front of her and I wouldn't be letting her watch Ms Rachel. She can also get whiney in the high chair when I'm making dinner so I try to distract her (narrate what I'm doing/sing etc.). I don't think there's anything wrong with you sitting having a 30 minute coffee in the morning, but I don't think watching the TV is right to be honest. Sometimes I do this if I'm exhausted but I just either read a book myself or sneakily check my phone.

You're not doing anything wrong and you are entitled to have a coffee on the couch while baby is playing safely. On DHs next day off, get up at 7am, get dressed, pop your head around the bedroom door and inform him you are off out and will be back at 6pm, and expect dinner to be ready.
Then he might appreciate you slightly more

YANBU
People suggesting a walker which is vastly more restrictive and bad for babies development. In a play pen baby is safe, able to crawl, sit, stand and move about freely. Independent play is great for babies development.
Yes zero screen time would be perfect, but few people can be miss Rachel all day with no support.

Nannies and childminders get to get up in the morning in peace, have their coffee before starting work, then go home and watch TV and wind down, then get a full night's sleep. Parents dont, if OP wants a coffee in the morning like most people she has to do so while looking after the baby. Having a baby playing on you or pulling up on the coffee table is far less safe than being sat playing in a play pen.

OP some people are just martyrs for starters and alot of people on mumsnet either dont actually have children, or had children so long ago they look at it through rose tinted glasses and forget they were also human.

Some of the responses on here are nuts. There is another thread where people are actively telling the OP to put the baby down and let them play.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks have your coffee. A hot drink is a luxury as a parent and we need to look after ourselves.

I found being a Mum bloody lonely and often had the tv or radio on for background noise.

I think it's fine. If she only contact naps you get no breaks all day. I'm sure your husband gets time to have a coffee, rest, stare into space etc during his working day. You need the same and baby is in a safe space playing happily. I didn't do screens until baby was older but I didn't have to, because she napped in her cot so I had time to rest and prepare food.

He’s obviously a twat. Ignore him.

That said, I wouldn’t have the tv on and a 10mo sat infront of it. We aren’t in the UK but there is a strong line of advice to have zero screens on around children under 3! Putting baby to play in play pen whilst you do something else is completely fine and normal!

Absolutely no harm what so ever, enjoy your morning coffee and tell your husband to pipe down!

This is such bad advice. It's perfectly normal for babies to wake up in the night, not all babies are the same. Similarly they need at least two naps until around 14 months.
It sounds like something my nan might say.

I don't think you ate lazy. I think you make your day work as best as you can. Having a coffee in the morning and watching a bit if TV is fine as long as you balance it out with your days activities. The days are long with small children. I don't think a bit of TV while you cook is a problem. I'd suggest you maybe put a timer on and really see how much screen time she's getting in a day because we tend go underestimate it. If you aren't doing it already you could add messy play to your day. We did painting with yogurt coloured with food colouring. Playing with cooked pasta, I did farm animals on a bed of rice crispies or edible mud made from cocopowder, cornstarch and water.

I think DH calling you lazy is unacceptable. How much time is he solo parenting? I reckon you should start going on the weekend and leave him to parent all day so he can see what parenting a young child all day involves. My H always had a new found respect when he was doing it. Its very easy to comment when you're not providing the labour.

Also, what every you do you'll feel guilty. I didn't go back to work and I feel guilty that my kids are not seeing positive work ethic from me or that they are seeing old style gender roles in out household. My friendscfeel guilty because they don't have enough time and feel like they are always overloaded.

Absolutely ridiculous
Who made your DH in charge?
Mine would ask if I needed another coffee not making nasty digs
I always start the day with a peaceful coffee and gasp when my DC were little we had an hours " quiet time" after lunch where I read the newspaper and drank tea, they either napped or quietly played

Honestly this man needs a bloody good kick up the arse and so do some of the snarky posters just having a bash.

Parenting is hard work, life is what you make it and you sound like a fantastic mum
Part of being a good mum is saying no I need a rest
Obviously not dismissing their needs but trying to rest/ have quiet etc when you need it
It does children and husbandsno good whatsoever to think you are 24/7 365 on tap and not a person with their own needs

Ignore him Op, just a bad day or whatever, unless he is controlling in other ways
You sound like a lovely mum, have confidence in yourself !

I’m old and mine didn’t really get tv because I couldn’t stand kids tele

However, what I will say is that you and DH need to sit down and discuss parenting and what you both think is the way to approach things and come to an agreement

your baby is 10 months and you have years of parenting to go and you need to be a United front.

And when, exactly, does your DH do any parenting?

Exactly...
My babe is on solids 3 times a day etc and still wakes up 🥴. I'm not going to let her cry it out. It's literally banned in some countries as it's plain cruel.

It's not normal for a 10 month old to be sleeping 12 hours. It's the exception. This advice really annoys me tbh.

It makes mums think that babies doing something which is developmentally normal is their fault.

I took every second I could get to sit and chill when mine were babies 😂

Honestly, some posters just automatically tell the OP that she is being unreasonable, no matter what the situation. You are clearly devoted to your baby and give her lots of positive attention, taking her to baby groups, reading to her etc. You sound pretty chilled and as though you are enjoying motherhood and a relaxed mum is much better for a baby.

Your husband is out of order telling you that you are lazy. How much time does he spend alone with your baby? Has he ever done a whole day on his own?

It’s the screen time I don’t like. It’s teaching her bad habits. My child is 5 and there is no TV in the daytime unless it’s school holidays or a weekend for a little bit and then it will be in the afternoon when we’ve done something.

I am not a playpen fan either. Better to make a room childproof and let them explore. I have three dogs and when DD was a baby I had an activity table to plonk her in for 20 mins if I was cooking and going to have my back to her for a bit, and a travel cot that I could put her in to answer the door for a minute. But she would never have been in it longer than that and it wasn’t a daily thing. I am probably more anti screens than most. I used to watch a series when she napped or read, but as soon as she was capable of staring at a screen it was gone if she was around.

I did something very similar with DD1 - she’s 5 now and isn’t a screen addicted zombie as some posters would have you believe that even the presence of a TV would do. She doesn’t watch much at all really, mostly playing with toys, colouring, reading, or outside. In moderation, and with engaged parents who read to them and play with them etc, it isn’t detrimental at all.

So he thinks you are not entitled to have a relaxed start to your day? Idiot! It's good for everyone to have a chilled start to the day, if you are relaxed your daughter will be relaxed. I hate the modern world and the idea that if you are not on the go the whole time you are being lazy or wasting time. I suggest going away for the weekend and leaving him in charge and see how he gets on. Also I recommend reading (and getting him to read) a book by Naomi Stadlan called 'What mothers do especially when it looks like nothing'.

I am a nan. With 4 children and 7 grandchildren. Maybe got a little bit of experience? What is wrong with a good sleep routine? Happy baby,Happy mum. I'm not suggesting anything cruel ? But a baby that contact naps several times throughout the day is not going to sleep all night. The OP would benefit from a bit more more self time and a solid sleep plan would allow this. A contact napper turns into a velcro toddler. OP states in one of her posts that baby used to sleep 11 hours so she's just got out of practice but what do I know ? New young mums know best. I'm just an old nan speaking out of my arse.

Go into his home office at some random time while he's working and start commenting on how haphazardly and inefficiently he's doing his job. Ask him if he's taken the day off today and forgotten to mention it. Call him lazy. Make ridiculous, impractical suggestions about how to do his job better. Tell him you're going to repurpose the office into a nursery or a guest room since he's only pretending to use it. Make sure he gets the point that you're intentionally belittling him and trying to undermine his confidence; talk a little baby talk if you have to.

He'll stop being an arsehole (or at least think twice about doing so vocally) when it becomes more uncomfortable than fun for him.

All these amazingly perfect parents out there. I find it hard to believe how good you all are. I sometimes gave my toddler toys in the cot while I went back to bed for half an hour after a bad night with her. Thankfully no mumsnet back then. I did what I needed to do. Child has grown up independent and successful. Just do what works for you.

Agree! Life with kids is so hectic, enjoy the little pockets of time when you can sit and enjoy a hot drink. These moments help you have a "full tank" for the rest of the day. Also, I guess that you may not have a lot of me time, or time for hobbies or socialising, so this is your moment to relax! Fuck him 🤭🫢

this is nonsense