10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

Haven’t read everything but it’s sounds fine. Exactly what I do, meet their immediate needs then they self play while I have breakfast.

Isn’t it the perfect way they learn independant play?

OP it sounds like you have a lovely routine and you have a very happy, well looked after baby. I found looking after my two very difficult at that age. The days are long and you need to carve out what little chill time you can get. You sound like a fab mum and ignore the 'perfect' mums criticising you.

I don't think that's lazy but I don't think we can judge others' situations because everyone is different, every baby is different. An example, I never had my kids with a screen until the youngest was well over 2 but DH was always home to occupy babies while I cooked or vice versa. Also with no screens doesn't mean I was more engaged with my babies than you, sounds like you do a lot. Maybe my morning shower was longer because that's how I'd psych myself for the day?!

Honestly, who gives a fuck what other people do, you're good. But you need to tell DH to stay in his fucking lane or help out while you have a coffee!!

God your kid plays independently and people are telling you she should not be allowed to do this? It's fantastic she does, let her keep the skill. My first didn't, even for 30 seconds, my second does, and it makes so much difference.

Your DH can fuck off.

I do not think an adult watching boring adult TV that the kid is not looking at counts as "screen time" tbh. You do not need to be constantly looking at your child to be caring for them 😂responsive parenting yes. Obsessive parenting no. We all know screen time isn't great but some of the responses on this thread are insane.

Bloody hell people hate women having a break don’t they? OP this sounds absolutely fine and I would have been very upset if my DH had pulled the same thing your DH did. Please don’t let any of the crappy replies here make you feel bad. I know it’s a hard concept for some people to get but you deserve a break, you need a break. People get incredibly sanctimonious about screen time but fail to look at the bigger picture of the care and love a child is receiving around it.

Whatever you do in your routine as a SAHM is your business, perfectly fine to start the day with a cup of coffee in peace. Tell him you can swap if he thinks he'd do better.
Obviously if this is what you do the entire day thats different, and not very fair on DC, but if thats your morning routine that works for you both, totally fine

Not strictly true.

Enjoy it. My first played happily alone, if the baby wasn’t happy she’d let you know. My second wouldn’t entertain himself for a minute. Enjoy your beautiful calm baby, who enjoys her time with her toy.

If he has a problem with the way you parent, he should speak to you away from your DD. I would nip that in the bud, soon she'll be old enough to understanding what he's saying and it's so unnecessary and confusing for a young child.

He's jealous.

So are a lot of mums on this thread by the sound of it. Honestly, you sound like a great Mum.

I am just in awe that you have a 10 month old dh and he can talk!!

Tell him to feck off

Why can't she have what you and DH are eating? My DC had what we had most of the time as much as possible?

Where is your DH while you are cooking dinner and cleaning the kitchen? Can't he play with DD or take turns to cook?

I do think you both need to start sleep training her. Time and effort now for a better bedtime routine to give you your evenings back will be worth it in the long run.

I see no issue with you having a coffee first thing. I didn't have a play pen and my DC would just play in the floor in front of me or crawl around the room so sounds similar to your DD.

I do think you need to leave the TV off though. While she might not yet be watching it she's aware and it's habit forming. Either enjoy the quiet or put some music on/radio on.

I think the only thing to do is say Yes, mummy is have a day off, it's daddy's turn. Walk out. Don't return till bedtime, then criticise everything he hasn't been able to do. No one appreciates what you do until you don't do it.

My dc watched CBeebies when they were little and they’re fine - I hate all this reductive bullshit around pregnancy and babies which treats all mothers as completely fucking stupid. We must tell them to watch 0 tv otherwise all they will do is sit their kids in front of Game of Thrones for 18 hours a day. Support for this 24/7 requirement to be a hands on mother? 0.

My dm who is in her 70s talks about tv and films she watched as a child, I don’t understand how far back we’re going to find these ‘perfect’ screen free childhoods, Victorian times? 😁

He said I have no reason to need a break first thing in morning and what is that teaching her etc.

What is having an overly critical dad going to teach her about men, eh?! If daddy isn't the one to give her the milk, the porridge and the attention throughout the day but he still feels justified in openly bossing mummy around, what is that going to do to her?

WHAT?? wow

Sounds like you are doing a great job OP xx

Youre doing nothing wrong OP, sounds like you have a lovely routine. Your DH though sounds a prick. Don't let him make you doubt yourself and dont let him speak to you critically in front of your child. They are only 10 months now but soon they will understand. I would nip that in the bud right now. Did he actually say 'is mummy having a day off' because even reading that makes me want to punch him in the face, and I'm a practising Buddhist 😂. He sounds like an absolute tool.

I just saw this!! Some people eh?!😂

I know right. Easy to spot the men on the thread isn't it.

The mornings sound fine to me. A nice chilled start for both of you, and some independent play for her.
I'd try to do without the screen in the high chair if possible though.

I had a tiny kitchen when mine were small. We baby proofed the hall and put gates on the kitchen door, stairs etc. Essentially turned the hall into a play pen. Quick easy meals only. I used to wash/tidy up once she was in bed.

DC could then watch me cook and I could watch them play. My eldest was a proper wriggler so could get out of the high chair straps and then stand on the tray at 9 months!

The first time I realised she was an escapologist I'd left her in the high chair to grab some washing up from the dining room and come back to find her half wriggled out of the bottom of the high chair... She's nearly 17 now so survived, but that was not my finest parenting moment!

oh god! I have a 7 month old and we do very similar in the mornings- feed, change, then downstairs I will either put her on the floor surrounded by cushions (she can sit but sometimes wobbles) and put her toys infront of her and she will happily play whilst I make my breakfast. Sometimes she will go in the jumperoo for ten minutes or her walker and watch me in the kitchen. He’s insane for thinking you need to be constantly entertaining them every minute of the day

I don’t think lazy is a fair description. You do a lot. But personally I don’t like play pens and the amount of screen time and I think dh is allowed to vocalise his thoughts, but could frame this as concern for his child rather than an attack.

Or the Aunt Lydias.