10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

I think what you’re doing is fine. My 3 children all watched too much TV at times (all young adults now). Phones / tablets weren’t so much of a thing so they never had an ipad when young, but they loved cbeebies. Ds2 was especially a cartoon junkie. He got a 1st class degree from a top uni and got top marks in the country in one of his professional exams. DD got the highest GCSE’s in the schools history. I have a chronic illness so the TV did become a babysitter at times. People causing such a fuss over half an hour of Miss Rachel, which I assume is an educational programme. She is hardly playing Minecraft.

Step away from parenting judgements and tell your DH he can try spending full days with baby day in day out and then pass judgement. I’d say you’re fine as you are.

what a load of rubbish! OP please don’t listen to this advice. Sleep training traumatising your child doesn’t guarantee 7-7 sleeps, in fact I know 1 child who slept 12h regularly, most children wake up during the night.

It’s only fairly recently that parents are
expected to play with their kids and think they need to keep them entertained and enthralled 24/7. I don’t think it’s led to an improved quality of the population. Quite the opposite. Had this been the 60s, the kid would have been dumped in the playpen while mum did the housework. Not entertained with sensory toys. You’re fine. She’s playing rather than watching TV anyway.

I think it’s fine OP. Parenting baby or toddler is boring for many people . You are human and a break is reasonable particularly when she only naps on you.

You absolutely need to re tackle this. We had a ‘super nanny’ to help with this . Put something in the cot that smells of you . Be close as she falls asleep. Put your hand on her chest for contact , slowly move your hand away from her when asleep . Put on white noise. Darken the room .
Once you achieve this , you will get some time back for yourself which is the real issue here.

I'm really judging you for giving your 10 month old your phone, wtf. My 8 and 5 year old arent given my phone. An hour stuck in a playpen seems quite lazy, sorry. That said I'm willing to bet your husband does very little childcare..

Rubbish. Scientific evidence generally indicates that sleep training is not traumatic for babies and does not cause long-term harm to attachment, emotional development, or stress levels. While high-crying methods can cause temporary, short-term stress for both parents and babies, studies show no lasting negative psychological impacts and improved sleep quality

Jeez, I can’t believe sone of the holier-than-thou comments on here. Ignore, ignore,

i think you sound absolutely fine, normal and, above all, human.
As PPs have said, if 30 minutes of ‘down time’ while your baby is happily abd safely playing helps you to be a better parent for the rest of the day, brilliant.
It sounds like DH may benefit from having sole care of DC when you go away for a weekend soon…that might help temper the idea of ‘lazy’ parenting.

Lazy is such an emotive word. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint! You have to pace yourself and be able to fit in cooking and cleaning as well as looking after yourself too and all the myriad of things for the baby’s development and well being but a happy, mentally well mum with a secure attachment trumps all of that.

There's some nonsense on this thread.
When ours were tinies, I thank my lucky stars that DH used to bring me a cup of tea in bed and the baby at 6am; later the baby and toddler. Then, at about 6.45 he used to go to work, on the tube, and stay there until he came home at 9pm. He missed so much, he really did: he missed the tantrums, sometimes mine, the occasional pig lazy day, the cake on the carpet, etc.

To be fair once dd came along, it was out of the house by 8.35 to take DS to nursery but the TV was on albeit CBeebies and the DC got dressed to CBeebies until they grew out of it. They had their first DS thingies (screens) at about 6 and the peace it gave me was bloody wonderful. They didn't just learn about pokemon: they learnt about elements (nature), "characteristics (psychology), to spell their long names and write stories about them, to win points and decide what earned more points (maths).

With a diet of reading (mythology, literature, poetry), painting, play, park, sandpit, playgroup, story time, etc, screens have their place. We loved Telly Tubbies, Auntie Mabel, Big Cook Little Cook, Thomas, Rosie and Jim, etc, usually first thing to buy me time to tidy up and get some slap on.

My DC were usually grubby, usually happy, certainly never slept 7 to 7, and were allowed sweets after tea. I recall DS stayed up to watch the early series of I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here and often wasn't in bed before 10pm (up at 6ish though). Neither needed much sleep and had me up multiple times in the night.

They started reception knowing their letters and numbers, and very much else, and were free reading by their 6th birthdays. Despite their shocking, neglectful toddlerhood, and access to screens. DS had a mobile aged 13; dd aged 11 and their own laptops aged 10/11, DS did his first degree at Oxford, DD at Cambridge.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks very gently, by all means have a coffee and chill with the TV on at 8am, but sit up and perhaps find something age appropriate. I recall East Enders coming on at 2pm when mine were little and not realising straight away. The swearing, screaming insults and physicality were so dreadful I wrote to the BBC because it was inappropriate before the watershed. It is not something a baby/toddler/child should be watching. I'm not opposed to screens - they are a significant part of 21st Century Life but it's important to be mindful abiut what is on the screens.

That's wonderful news.

Well I like to comfort my child when they wake up crying during the night. I fell into the desperate trap thinking I could fix his sleep because others told me it was possible but it was awful and I regret I even tried

@ILoveFatFaceSocks my ds1 was watching tv at weeks old. He was a top reader from being very young and could have a conversation before 2. He was classed as gifted at school. Has done a degree and has read so many books over the years I couldn't count them. He's sociable and has a fantastic nature. Ds2 hardly watched tv and spoke late. He isn't as academic but has done well and also has a lovely nature.
Yes I was wrong letting ds1 watch tv so young. But as a first time parent I was learning. It didn't harm ds1 (luckily). But he wasn't a great sleeper in the first few months although he did have colic. I breast fed him for a year so was probably doing something wrong there? He settled once on solids.

What you're doing doesn't sound bad at all. Your dd sounds like a happy baby.

I think we always feel guilty with dcs no matter what we do. Or at least dms do. Or I presume dads if they're the main carer. Unless you're one of those perfect parents 😉

Different people have different ideas of what’s acceptable and Mumsnet is also full of parents that swear their children have never seen a tv and can spell their ridiculously middle class name by 6 months old and earn 100k by a year. They’re simply far superior to you and I.

however, notice how the man moaning about your laziness isn’t even getting up with you to look after his own kid? He’s being stupid and you need to watch out for the type of partner he will become and the type of partner you need and deserve. I suspect the gap between those two will grow and you’ll be a single mother with a husband before you realise.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks does dh ever have dd for a full day alone or a few hours?

Honestly I don’t think I would have the tv on first thing in the morning in front of a 10mo.

I’m all for mum enjoying her morning coffee but tv habits start early.

Of course he’s not right. But he took you off guard with his silly and thoughtless remark. As others have commented, context is everything, but if his remark was in any way critical, pointed or judgemental as opposed to being flippant and lighthearted, then beware - you’re in the company of a controlling know-it-all, who actually knows f#k all. Certainly f#k all about parenting and Motherhood. You need to watch out for behaviour like this creeping in to your life together. Don’t EVER tolerate him speaking to you like that. And if you feel confident enough … given that he’s ‘wfh’ … you might want to point out his own little ‘downtimes’ . I’m pretty sure you won’t have far to look !

Screen time isn't the end of the world if it’s appropriate. My 14 month old and I established a habit of watching the baby club in the mornings just after our breakfast. It’s 15 mins. From that she learnt how to clap/dance/say the word bubble/recognised the program and gets excited amongst many other things.

Independent play is important and so is your morning coffee so just enjoy it 🙏🏻

So is your DH going to do the occasional morning? Please do update us on what he does differently and how much better he is at this parenting lark, so we may learn from him. Does he take over at the weekend? We should be showing our DDs that we don't have to sacrifice ourselves on the alter of motherhood.

Surely this is about what standards the OP would think are acceptable for childcare including that she does herself.

Personally I think playpen is last resort/quick

Baby is happy and you get to chill out before a busy day. Nothing at all wrong with that. Some of these self righteous posters are just ridiculous and a lot of them have short memories.

A lot of sanctimonious bullshit on this thread.

The kid spends 30 minutes in the morning in the play pen whilst OP gets a little chance to do something for her and feel more human.

The kid gets 15 minutes screen time in the evening whilst OP makes dinner.

That's all.

This is absolutely fine OP. I used to shove cartoons on in the morning for my two in our bedroom when they woke up so I could have my first cuppa in bed with them and not immediately have to get up and perform as Mum.

Guess what? They didn't turn out as delinquents. They are teen / pre teen and excelling in school, talented musicians, performers, doing DofE. They are polite and have never, once, been in trouble at school and rarely act up at home, if ever!

But based on the responses here I must have totally ruined their lives with that screen time 😄

i can’t believe you have time to watch TV for 30/60 minutes. Don’t you have endless to do lists to attend to like the rest of us? Assuming you have a cleaner then as if I stopped for an hour break, the place would be a tip.

You are a lovely mum. Don't let him spoil your happy times.

Yup women should always be on the eternal treadmill and if not they should have people like you wagging your finger and telling them how fab you are and how rubbish they are. Nice one! 👍

Sounds like you’re a brilliant,dedicated hard working mum who also understands that you need to look after yourself to be happy and well for your child. The fact he just popped in like some sort of visitor says it all. When he picks up 50% of the childcare then he can speak, though think he’d understand far more if he did.