AMIBU

[Teacake808]

Need to know if i am over doing it ...? My child grew up in the same area she is now graduating from high school( unfortuately we had to move but daughter still finished her time at school) She has had 1 of the same friends from nursery through to high school (still live in the area) of which we had for many sleepovers over the years, my daughter never once slept over there. My daughter missed the last bus 2 nights ago and this mother would not let her stay over(12 am) my daughter was left out in the streets. Dad got her not long after.. why are people so bloody cruel or am i expecting too much( obviously i doubt this but just checking)

If she hadn’t stayed there before for whatever reason, then it follows that she wouldn’t be welcome though.

Yes you’d like to think they could have taken her in, but there could be a million reasons why they didn’t. Lesson learnt for DD!

No freinds have ever stayed yet mum always happy for her child to go to others. Fair yeah?

It has always been the same since the girls were small though. Never once took them over night... fair enough but leaving a 17 year old girl out late at night, really?? I could not do that.. takes a nasty person to do that

The time to tackle that was years ago. She hasn’t”been invited before so no reason to think sh3 would now.

I think cruel is a little hyperbolic though. Your DD is responsible for getting the bus, she didn’t so her dad collected her.

She wasn’t left to sleep in a ditch!

Neither cruel nor nasty. It’s obviously how they are. Why did your DD miss the last bus?

Is that a trick question??? Things happen. Anyone can miss a bus for a variety of reasons. Getting the gist here though(i am in the wrong) because i would never leave a kid /teen out in the night.. My bad. Must try and be a much crap/ shite person going forward

I think even if the other family hadn’t been happy for your DD to sleep over they could have let her wait in their house until her dad could pick her up.

I wouldn’t let anyone I know wait on the street late at night (unless they’re actively dangerous to me), particularly a young woman.

Maybe there is someone that lives in the house who is a danger to young women, and your dd's friend's Mum didn't want to risk her coming in / staying over.
Which would throw a very different light on it.

Finally someone with some sense, thank you .. 💓

No thats not the case. But thsnk you for the input.

Of course no normal person would do this, but you were all on notice. I had a bf in school. I wasn't allowed in their house. I never once got through the front door.
Years later, coincidentally, her DB became my milkman. I brought it up and he said their dad was a violent alcoholic who ruled with a rod of iron. No one was allowed near.

How was your DD planning to get to the friend's house to stay over?

Appreciate all the input but it has nothing to do with the home.. No crazy dad beating the wife etc. Have we learnt nothing from Sarah Everard and many more, shameful! This is about leaving a 17 year old girl out at midnight.. personally i could not do that but I am not a crap person

It’s completely unreasonable. I look after my children’s friends like my own. I genuinely feel very attached to their long term friends who I’ve know since they were small. I have three kids and have encountered parents like this before. Awful stuff: don’t get it at all.

Was she not allowed to wait inside? Not offered a lift? I wouldn’t expect her to stay over night, but leaving her outside seems a bit much.

Yeah she was wondering the streets until dad picked her up 20 mins later. Thats my point this is a friend from nursey they are just finishing S6. Close friends, baffled by this

You have no way of knowing that.
The family wouldn't be advertising it.

Also, why would she 'wander the streets' rather than waiting just outside the house until her Dad got to her ?

@Teacake808 you are certainly not BU. How could anyone be so cold hearted and cruel to leave your teenage DD outside at midnight on her own. Could they not even let her wait for her Dad inside the house? They sound odd at the least if they have been so willing to let their own DD go for sleepovers at your house and others but have never invited anyone to theirs. Do you think they could be embarrassed by their house as in it’s messy, dirty etc? Whatever the reason there’s simply no excuse. How does your DD feel about this incident? I’m assuming she feels hurt… Do you know if your DD’s friend asked her to stay when she missed the bus or did she stay quiet and leave it to her Mum to speak?

Well obviously but it is not the case. Well she could have waited outside but she didn't.. thank you for your helpful input.

Well if she doesnt want to be out that late then she needs to make her choices so she doesnt have to be out that late, women are allowed without a chaperone

There could be some reason why the household can't or even just doesn't have overnight guests, but throwing a friend out late at night without knowing how she'll get home isn't really "normal" or acceptable. Even if no one in the family could offer her a lift and there weren't any taxis or Ubers or whatever operating in the area, why not let her stay indoors while she calls around for a ride and that person comes for her?

No one here is going to know the exact reason, though - does your daughter have any idea about why her friend's mother is so strict about guests and why she had to leave at exactly midnight (from the sounds of it) even though there were unusual circumstances?

You don’t really know though. There is something strange about a household that lets a teenage girl leave a house late without asking if they need a lift, without offering a lift home:

It’s just very odd. I would feel extra protective towards kids I’ve known since they were little. But I deliver every child to safety from my home and surely anyone right thinking does the same.

So did they actually ask her to leave when they knew she'd missed the bus? Or did she miss the bus, go back to the house and they shut the door in her face? It does sound very odd

Any decent person would give a bed to a 17 yr old who was stranded.
Maybe they not decent people?
I don't know. But your daughter may be would have been better not staying there?