AMIBU

[Teacake808]

Need to know if i am over doing it ...? My child grew up in the same area she is now graduating from high school( unfortuately we had to move but daughter still finished her time at school) She has had 1 of the same friends from nursery through to high school (still live in the area) of which we had for many sleepovers over the years, my daughter never once slept over there. My daughter missed the last bus 2 nights ago and this mother would not let her stay over(12 am) my daughter was left out in the streets. Dad got her not long after.. why are people so bloody cruel or am i expecting too much( obviously i doubt this but just checking)

Mine have play dates at other houses but not mine. I have explained fully though why it can’t happen. Perhaps the other mum has a reason?

I agree with you op. Very odd. But some people are odd. I would have deffo either given your daughter a lift, let her sleep over or let her wait in my house.

Why didn’t her friend wait outside with her while waiting for your husband to collect her? Some friend!

@Nearly50omg I genuinely have no idea! It's all very strange!

I’m totally with you @Teacake808

We live a fair way from DD16s school and subsequently her friends. A few months ago DD had been asked to stay at her friends house, at the last minute (11pm) it transpired the friend hadn’t actually asked her mum and she decided no one could stay and my DD was stuck as no busses etc. I was already asleep (as I thought she was staying out) and she had to pay to get an uber home. It’s just incredibly lucky she had the money available to pay for it.

I can’t imagine a scenario in which I’d refuse a child to stay at that time of night, knowing she had no other way home - even if I was annoyed at my own child for springing it on me last minute.

Don't think I explained myself very well originally! The family are slightly different! Apologies for the drip feed! When the girls were in their last year of Primary school. They all went on the residential break well all kids except the friend I am talking about. Parents didn't want her to go it was such a shame as she was very upset that morning when all the kids were leaving with their suitcases bar her. I get it was expensive but I believe the school offered to pay the cost but she still wasn't allowed to go. Very odd .. also once when the girls were younger and I was dropping the girl off the dad stood behind the door (hiding) shouting hello but didn't present himself. I just left with my girl.. So I do agree with many posters I did expect too much

Some people are just bloody tossers op xx

@MyLuckyHelper that's awful 😖 what if your DD didn't have funds for a uber and you were asleep as you believed her to be safe. I genuinely don't get people, honestly I don't xx

Exaclty! Luckily the uber driver was trustworthy but the outcome
could have been very different, couldn’t it! X

This exactly. You dont put people at risk.
Years ago my niece was out with friends and one their mums was picking them up and bringing them home , around 11.30pm. When the mum turned up she refused to take one if the girls because her parents hadn't agreed to it and she didn't want to have trouble if they were in an accident!! She was happy to leave 1 girl outside the pubs and clubs on her own but bring back others to the same village.
My niece and a friend refused to get in the car, refusing to leave their friend and the mum was quite angry at them. My niece phoned her DM who immediately went and collected the three of them.
Some people are just bloody weird!

Their behaviour was not acceptable. Not having sleepovers is fine you don’t know their history they may have bad experiences if sleepovers or been a victim of abuse. However they absolutely should have stayed up and kept your daughter safe in their home until a parent arrived to collect her. You do not put a vulnerable young girl on the streets at that time of night no matter what the circumstances. I would be having strong words with them.

If these girls are 18, and have known each other since they were 3 and she has NEVER been allowed to stay at, or go in to her friends house in all those years, then your dd would be 100% aware she wasn't suddenly going to be allowed to rock up approaching midnight and sleep over with her friend. She would equally know that a man who hid behind his front door to speak to you on the occasion you did approach the front door, is not a mand who would suddenly have a full personality transfer late on this particular night and say 'of course I'll get out of bed, get dressed and drive you home'.

What she should have done is rung for her Dad to come and fetch her at the point she realised she was stuck. Then he would already be driving to collect her during the time she was walking with her friend, towards her friend's house.
Then she could have either stood where she was on her friend's path / driveway or asked her friend not to go in until her Dad arrived.

It does sound like the family are somewhat dysfunctional, but you have known this for 15 years. You can't control the way they behave, but you could have prepared your dd better in terms of "What to do if......" planning.

Their house is messy and they are depressed

(Hrtft)

But yanbu, you would make the exception and apologise in this situation

If my DD missed the bus, I'd expect her to call us, and we'd go and pick her up. It wouldn't occur to me that she'd do anything else. I think you're turning a perfectly normal thing into something it's not. The only thing I'd be worried about is why your DD didn't immediately call you.