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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this bad or am I the problem

278 replies

GraceInBloom · 09/04/2026 00:44

I’d really appreciate some objective advice because I feel upset, confused and am questioning my sanity.

I’ve been working in a senior role at a growing company for several years. I pretty much built the department from scratch and as it was a scaling startup, I’ve worked extremely long hours to get it to where it is.

A few weeks ago, my boss hired in someone new in a parallel role that's equally senior but unrelated to my department. Let's call her Susan. Susan happens to be the bosses closest friend.

Susan immediately swept in and started acting like she ran the place. She was described by colleagues as "intimidating" and "patronising" and upset a couple of other senior staff by overstepping her role.

Then she began involving herself in my area. This started initially by her correcting my work without being asked or invited and where it had nothing to do with her. I set a boundary, politely, and she apologised but then continued to escalate this type of behavior.

Suggesting changes, directing junior members of my team, organising meetings around work I’m responsible for, and generally behaving as though they were the boss of my department rather than me. It was so pronounced that it started to cause disruption and junior staff asked why she was involved.

I raised concerns about this and was told it would be addressed as the boss said he agreed it was not acceptable. He reiterated I was the boss of my department and said he'd ensure I didn't have to work directly with her.

To my shock, shortly after the boss created a "leadership team" which includes Susan in which ONLY my departments work is discussed. As in, they use this group to challenge my work, but not hers or anyone else's.

From there she began challenging everything I do, down to minute execution turning almost every decision into a debate.

For example saying I should do something differently and when I disagreed saying "chatGPT agrees with my view" and the boss did nothing and even actively encouraged her.

So I started getting angry.

I again raised the issue a few days ago but got no reply.

It was clear to me at this point that the boss sees Susan as his best friend and wanted her to have involvement across every department, and that id either have to accept being constantly undermined or leave.

A few days later my junior colleague messaged me to ask me to give him access to some systems for our new team member. I asked "what team member?"

Astoundingly it turned out that Susan and my boss had hired someone for MY team (one of this Susans contacts) without even discussing it with me, and agreed this new hire would take over a very key part of my own role and I only found out because that team member came to me, confused and uncomfortable.

When I challenged it, I was told:
that area wasn’t really my responsibility (it is, and always has been), that nothing had been done in that space (which isn’t accurate), that it was just an “oversight” and a myriad of other excuses.

In the same discussion, my role was minimised in front of others, and it was implied I don’t really run my own function and that me reacting was due to me being "competitive" and "making it about ego".

I remained calm but resigned on the spot, but the conversation was so gaslighty with both of them claiming I had no reason to react and I wanted a sanity check as they made me feel nuts.

Before working in this job for the last few years I worked for myself so I've not got much of a grip on if this is normal work behaviour or not?

For clarity, my department has been the strongest performing in the company, Susan has absolutely no experience and I cannot find a legitimate business reason for any of this.

I'm really devasted to lose the job I love :(

OP posts:
IsThatAHedgehog · 11/04/2026 02:08

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 01:39

Honestly I wouldn't want the hassle and negativity.

Fair enough.

I hope you get the best outcome possible. You've been treated appallingly and personally I'd take them for everything I could get, but that's not advice, it's me being me 😂

Good luck OP. You've done a great job and I'm sorry this isn't recognised by the very people that should be thanking and appreciating you. Never mind what they've actually done to you

RedRock41 · 11/04/2026 05:35

OP you need to act quickly. Resigning has made it easy for them. Heat of the moment resignations can be redacted if you act quickly.

Email them in AM and say:

I resigned in the heat of the moment due to a culmination of what I deem to be fundamental breaches to my contract of employment. Please confirm if you will allow me to redact my resignation.

If they do, raise a formal grievance and if your GP agrees, take time off sick with work related stress.

If they do not. Explore options for Constructive Dismissal. It’s just a shame you didn’t raise a formal grievance before resigning.

Imdunfer · 11/04/2026 07:38

Picking up from two of your posts so can't quote them, There are only ten staff in a company turning over £millions, and your boss has never spoken to some of them?

That's going some even for an arsehole of a boss.

Firesidechatter · 11/04/2026 07:39

RedRock41 · 11/04/2026 05:35

OP you need to act quickly. Resigning has made it easy for them. Heat of the moment resignations can be redacted if you act quickly.

Email them in AM and say:

I resigned in the heat of the moment due to a culmination of what I deem to be fundamental breaches to my contract of employment. Please confirm if you will allow me to redact my resignation.

If they do, raise a formal grievance and if your GP agrees, take time off sick with work related stress.

If they do not. Explore options for Constructive Dismissal. It’s just a shame you didn’t raise a formal grievance before resigning.

Huh? Where have has the op said she wants to redact and keep working for them? And she’s been clear she doesn’t want to do a tribunal.

Imdunfer · 11/04/2026 07:41

RedRock41 · 11/04/2026 05:35

OP you need to act quickly. Resigning has made it easy for them. Heat of the moment resignations can be redacted if you act quickly.

Email them in AM and say:

I resigned in the heat of the moment due to a culmination of what I deem to be fundamental breaches to my contract of employment. Please confirm if you will allow me to redact my resignation.

If they do, raise a formal grievance and if your GP agrees, take time off sick with work related stress.

If they do not. Explore options for Constructive Dismissal. It’s just a shame you didn’t raise a formal grievance before resigning.

You do not need to retract a resignation or raise a grievance through a formal procedure (she did raise the grievances) to take a constructive dismissal case.

In some cases it is to your advantage to have been seen to have acted quickly and not be deemed to have accepted your changed terms of employment.

If you read the whole thread the worst thing this poster could possibly do now is grovel and go back, for all sorts of reasons including her sanity!

Imdunfer · 11/04/2026 07:45

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 01:39

Honestly I wouldn't want the hassle and negativity.

I completely understand, neither would I, that but the threat can get you a very long way without you ever having any genuine intention of doing it.

3luckystars · 11/04/2026 08:01

I would not go quietly either. Don’t let him
get away and fluff over what he did.

He made a big mistake.

You will be a great asset to another company. It’s a pity it’s not your own company.

travailtotravel · 11/04/2026 08:10

Yup. Constructive dismissal. Take the money then sue. Its the principal of it and sounds slam dunk. You should be able to get a bigger payout. Meanwhile, best off out andbest foot forward for another job.

Cordeliasdemonbabies · 11/04/2026 08:24

Sounds like the company may go down the pan so negotiating a share buyout would be advantageous if possible.

YourOliveBalonz · 11/04/2026 08:33

Perhaps you could tell them that, although it wasn’t your intention to take legal action, you thought you would consult the higher authority used for previous decisions and ChatGPT told you to go for it ;)

Middlechild3 · 11/04/2026 08:46

Can't add anything that hasn't already been said but it sucks OP. A job you've loved ruined by nepotism hire.
The ex business partner, is there employment or venture potential there?

GuineaPigWig · 11/04/2026 09:19

OP you sound amazing! Please let us know the outcome of the Monday meeting!

truffleruffle · 11/04/2026 09:43

Yes and good luck hope your boss realises what a mess he’s in and grovels.

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 10:14

Imdunfer · 11/04/2026 07:38

Picking up from two of your posts so can't quote them, There are only ten staff in a company turning over £millions, and your boss has never spoken to some of them?

That's going some even for an arsehole of a boss.

Yes.

He pretty much has ideas with his creative people, and deals with top level stuff like investors. The nitty, gritty day to day running he has no involvement in. He hates meetings, structure and processes, he thinks everything can be done with a WhatsApp and changes his mind from one week to next.

That's always been challenging, but the upside was that I was left to run things with minimal involvement which suited me as I enjoy autonomy and organising. The new 'structure' he implemented really wasn't logical as the two people he picked for this 'leadership team' were his friends.

Both were new. Neither had any relevant experience (here or anywhere). Neither understood even the basics of how the company operates. People who did were excluded which he admitted was because he didn't like them as much.

I think he had a magical vision of him and his buddies as the top dogs directing everyone with no interest at all on if they were appropriate or the existing staff.

OP posts:
ArthriticOldLabrador · 11/04/2026 10:20

Leave. It’s only going to get worse.
Leave before they start to imply that you are the problem, because they will.
Speaking from bitter experience here.

BunnyMcDougall · 11/04/2026 10:22

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 01:53

I took all my scheduled tasks off Asana today in order to write my CV and Claude said it was the job of 3 or 4 people. I do absolutely masses.

I more or less run the engine which gets anything at all done. So they might still do things, but only partially because nobody would have the first idea where to start.

There's big projects, huge ones, that I'm in the middle of coordinating. Without me it'll run over schedule, and there will be costly mistakes.

It'll be a nightmare for them. A very costly nightmare.

This isn't coming from a place of arrogance, but more from the fact that it's a very small company and I ended up becoming the person who does everything, the organiser.

Other people have the brilliant ideas. I make them actually work. So for example if a new product is invented I'm the one who'd get it in stores, legal shit done, commerce, infrastructure, instructions, website, communications, coordinate what other staff need to know etc etc

So everything they're working on will be done, but just a complete shit show. There's no way anyone else could do it because the team is tiny, nobody knows how and even if they did nobody's got capacity.

It would take him months to recruit a replacement, and if he did he'd need at least two people because nobody else would be daft enough to do all I do.

I have mixed feelings on this because on one hand he completely deserves it and on the other hand I absolutely love my colleagues and feel I've dropped them in it. Two have already contacted me really upset saying they don't understand how things will work.

He's really shot himself in the foot but frankly I think I was a pushover a lot of times before. He's undermined me many times previously (although he undermines everyone to be fair) but i always do much more than I should.

I would guess right now he's probably thinking he can give stuff to Susan or outsource it or pass to someone junior but he's got a shock coming his way.

What an absolute fool he is. All this harm because I think he basically wanted to show off and so did she and they didn't mind who they hurt.

Two have already contacted me really upset saying they don't understand how things will work.

”Not to worry—Susan has been expressing for months that she is very capable of doing/organising/delegating all of these tasks.”

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 10:23

Middlechild3 · 11/04/2026 08:46

Can't add anything that hasn't already been said but it sucks OP. A job you've loved ruined by nepotism hire.
The ex business partner, is there employment or venture potential there?

No. Hes not working at all. He has helped me with my CV and glowing references though.

OP posts:
GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 10:24

GuineaPigWig · 11/04/2026 09:19

OP you sound amazing! Please let us know the outcome of the Monday meeting!

Thank you so much.
I'm not going to the meeting though! I declined.

OP posts:
Etiennethemad · 11/04/2026 10:25

You may well need a lawyer but, before you hire one, talk to ACAS. They have a wealth of information on what constitutes constructive dismissal and the evidence that you will need. There is also a lot of information on GOV.UK

BunnyMcDougall · 11/04/2026 10:25

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 10:24

Thank you so much.
I'm not going to the meeting though! I declined.

Are they seriously expecting you to turn up???

ArthriticOldLabrador · 11/04/2026 10:25

Also get a shit hot employment lawyer- they will get you more of a settlement than going to tribunal which relies on a sympathetic judge. It will be the best money you ever spend.
Companies hate going to tribunal and will negotiate to avoid doing that (even if they say an offer is nonnegotiable)

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 10:27

BunnyMcDougall · 11/04/2026 10:25

Are they seriously expecting you to turn up???

I doubt it, they probably just invited me to avoid alerting anyone that I'd resigned

OP posts:
IdentityCris · 11/04/2026 10:50

GraceInBloom · 09/04/2026 11:38

Yes it was.

Three times in two weeks Susan has challenged by minor decisions in group chat and if I say no she starts saying ChatGPT agrees with her. Then instead of the boss backing me up he says "worth a try" and makes me test her ideas.

I don't think I'm averse to other people's ideas but some of her ideas were completely ridiculous and so it was trying to force me into doing a bad job.

As an example, I was doing a customer deal for 30% discount and she argued with me for two hours that saying "a third off" was more "powerful" and chatGPT agrees with her. I mean she actually wanted the words "A third off" but that's a really confusing way to present a discount IMO.

The boss interjects and says we have to "compromise" by doing 33% off as a trial, and when I pointed out no one was going to be swayed on a purchase by 25p and we'd lose revenue I was ignored.

So I had to do double the work to "test" Susans silly idea based on the authority of a robot. Result was wasting my time and we lost £60,000.

So that's what it's like. She's never worked in a commercial role. She's from a charity background and non profit.

Out of interest, did you spell out to your boss that the company lost £60K as a direct result of Susan's stupid idea? If so, how did he react?

IdentityCris · 11/04/2026 11:01

It really sounds as if this is a company doomed to failure whatever you do, so you're well out of it. You really need to start putting those job applications in to give yourself something to work on and look forward to.

GraceInBloom · 11/04/2026 11:22

IdentityCris · 11/04/2026 10:50

Out of interest, did you spell out to your boss that the company lost £60K as a direct result of Susan's stupid idea? If so, how did he react?

I just said "as I said it didn't work" and he said, "great so let's move ahead with the one that works". That was it.

OP posts:
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