Is this bad or am I the problem

[GraceInBloom]

I’d really appreciate some objective advice because I feel upset, confused and am questioning my sanity.

I’ve been working in a senior role at a growing company for several years. I pretty much built the department from scratch and as it was a scaling startup, I’ve worked extremely long hours to get it to where it is.

A few weeks ago, my boss hired in someone new in a parallel role that's equally senior but unrelated to my department. Let's call her Susan. Susan happens to be the bosses closest friend.

Susan immediately swept in and started acting like she ran the place. She was described by colleagues as "intimidating" and "patronising" and upset a couple of other senior staff by overstepping her role.

Then she began involving herself in my area. This started initially by her correcting my work without being asked or invited and where it had nothing to do with her. I set a boundary, politely, and she apologised but then continued to escalate this type of behavior.

Suggesting changes, directing junior members of my team, organising meetings around work I’m responsible for, and generally behaving as though they were the boss of my department rather than me. It was so pronounced that it started to cause disruption and junior staff asked why she was involved.

I raised concerns about this and was told it would be addressed as the boss said he agreed it was not acceptable. He reiterated I was the boss of my department and said he'd ensure I didn't have to work directly with her.

To my shock, shortly after the boss created a "leadership team" which includes Susan in which ONLY my departments work is discussed. As in, they use this group to challenge my work, but not hers or anyone else's.

From there she began challenging everything I do, down to minute execution turning almost every decision into a debate.

For example saying I should do something differently and when I disagreed saying "chatGPT agrees with my view" and the boss did nothing and even actively encouraged her.

So I started getting angry.

I again raised the issue a few days ago but got no reply.

It was clear to me at this point that the boss sees Susan as his best friend and wanted her to have involvement across every department, and that id either have to accept being constantly undermined or leave.

A few days later my junior colleague messaged me to ask me to give him access to some systems for our new team member. I asked "what team member?"

Astoundingly it turned out that Susan and my boss had hired someone for MY team (one of this Susans contacts) without even discussing it with me, and agreed this new hire would take over a very key part of my own role and I only found out because that team member came to me, confused and uncomfortable.

When I challenged it, I was told:
that area wasn’t really my responsibility (it is, and always has been), that nothing had been done in that space (which isn’t accurate), that it was just an “oversight” and a myriad of other excuses.

In the same discussion, my role was minimised in front of others, and it was implied I don’t really run my own function and that me reacting was due to me being "competitive" and "making it about ego".

I remained calm but resigned on the spot, but the conversation was so gaslighty with both of them claiming I had no reason to react and I wanted a sanity check as they made me feel nuts.

Before working in this job for the last few years I worked for myself so I've not got much of a grip on if this is normal work behaviour or not?

For clarity, my department has been the strongest performing in the company, Susan has absolutely no experience and I cannot find a legitimate business reason for any of this.

I'm really devasted to lose the job I love :(

"chatgpt agrees with my view"

Is she an idiot?

The boss has a business partner, who doesn't actually work in the company anymore but he did until last year. However he's still an owner and director.

Random question, but does the buck stop with your boss?
Or has he got higher ups that he has to report to (top boss, owners, directors) as I'm sorry but this is just so fucking unfair on you and he and Susan sound like a pair of complete twats!

Would you ever be able to work for the other owner/director who left, or is there a clause in your contract?

Sorry if it sounds crackers, but just wondered. 🤔

I think another poster saying the threat alone of a solicitor and constructive dismissal case should hold sway and hopefully enforce a payout, and seems promising. 🙏

Also, would the owner/ director who left maybe buy your shares from you?

Updated to add: I hope you get the outcome you desire.
They sound insufferable and you deserve better.
@GraceInBloom 💐

"chatGPT agrees with my view"
I’m not sure that’s a great argument tbh. ChatGPT mostly agrees and tells users they are amazing, they largely tell you what you want to hear.

Professor Hannah Fry has lots of little podcasts about the dangers of ChatGPT.

There are ways to change the settings to stop the bias and make sure it always tells the truth if you Google, but most people don’t do this as they want to hear they are right!

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNR46TndJ/

Horrible boss, horrible Susan. You won't get anywhere though, you won't be able to be listened to because their friendship is more important. Kick in the teeth instead of a thanks for you being a bloody great member of staff!

Sorry this has happened OP. I wish people valued others.

@ImSoMuchOlderThanICanTake do you know how to change the settings or where I can find that info?

I've made multiple 'for all time' prompts telling it to never direct me to do things it hasn't triple checked and also, to stop fucking gaslighting me when I discover it's wrong! Alas, it's always very sorry and agrees wholeheartedly that I'm right to call it out. That's it's 'on him/her'. That it's unsurprising I'm very frustrated. And then does it again.

TIA!

I think it was Susan who believes in the wisdom of ChatGPT, not the OP.

I never worked at your level but once had a role I loved (part time) financial auditing in a small business. It was quite complex and within a year I’d saved the business £80,000.
Had a great line manager I loved working for.
One of my parents was dying so it was a tough time and the team were lovely.
The owner of the business was an arsehole, huge ego.
The day after my parent died I was bereft. I had a 4 hour shift and wasn’t expected in but went in. It actually really helped.
When I got home that afternoon I had an email off the boss making me redundant.
Two weeks later someone else was recruited. The boss was married and the job went to his mistress who was also his…. hairdresser!
I went to ACAS. But the death of my parent hit me and I left it.
Do what is right for you, it there is no point staying in this hell.
The business I worked for went bust a few months after I left. What a surprise….

Not remotely unusual. Has happened to me about 3 times. In 2022 I had a job I liked - I didn't love it but it was certainly sufficient.

I was EA to a founder, also in a start-up, and we got on well. I had everything handled. She said she couldn't do it without me. Then she hired her best friend from a huge tech company. He came in at C-suite and yet he got involved in EVERYTHING I did for my boss. Even set 1:1s with me to discuss my boss' diary and why I "had failed" to do xyz. In every case I had a good reason. He would call every Friday (it was remote) and comment on my living room decor (where I worked) and then start to tell me off/criticise my work. After about 2 months of this I had no choice but to quit.

It's happened about twice more on previous occasions, too. Friends of the boss being hired and picking holes in everything, to the extent you feel you have to go.

It's bullying. However, as you quit on the spot, I don't know what your rights are, especially once you've accepted any payout. You may have a case for constructive dismissal.

You are well out of there! I hope the partner is looking at ways to take his money out of the business before he loses the lot due to inept management.
My advice, as a former union official, is to not follow up the constructive dismissal.possibility because you will get your promised package. You wouldn't be likely to be awarded any more than that.
I hope you find another job that you enjoy as much.

I would get some legal advice from someone specialising in employment law! If you resign voluntarily you generally work your notice and they only money you’d be owed would be any annual leave you’ve accrued! 3 months pay is generally if you’ve been made redundant. Personally I would have stayed until I’d found another job, it’s easier to find a job whilst you’re working. For me as a recruiter it’s a red flag someone resigning without another job to go to as generally there is far more than meets the eye!

You do need legal advice! You’re fixated on 3 months pay which is generally if you’re made redundant! As for your bonus, if you’ve walked out on your job, your not clear if you’re working your notice, they could retain it in lieu of notice!

My DH had a similar situation to you, although a bigger company, he spoke with an employment lawyer who advised an internal grievance, don't think that would work for you, but the grievance was written by the solicitor. The grievance process found in favour of my DH, but he was still asked to leave. We believe, as a direct result of the solicitor's involvement he was given a much bigger payout that he would have got otherwise. So it really is worth speaking with a solicitor.

It very much is. There was no reason whatsoever for Susan to be a senior hire.

The boss doesn't like staff, doesn't like overheads, so a very large % of what we do is outsourced to agencies or freelancers, this way they can all report to him as he likes full control.

This is a stuck-on constructive dismissal complaint. Before you resign formally, speak to a lawyer to make sure the wording of your letter suggests you'll be taking legal action so you can negotiate the best possible payoff. CC in the business partner too.

In the meantime, have you got copies of all the emails etc? I would also sit down and write a statement based on everything you've shared here.

The most helpful next step is what PP suggested — get independent legal advice from an employment solicitor, including guidance on your share options. Shares can look valuable on paper, but their realisable value can be very different, so it’s important to understand your actual position.

From my experience in start‑ups, this kind of situation often happens when a business outgrows its early structure. What works in a small, founder‑led team becomes strained as the company scales. When new senior hires arrive — especially those from larger organisations or with close personal ties to the founder — power dynamics can shift quickly. In those circumstances, people almost always side with family, and it’s rarely a battle you can win.

You haven’t shared the new director’s background, but overconfidence without understanding the culture or long‑term strategy is common in fast‑growing companies. It usually leads to short‑term decisions and internal friction, and it tends to expose its own weaknesses over time.

For now, your priority is protecting your position — legally, financially, and professionally — with advice from someone independent. Once you have that clarity, you’ll be in a much stronger place to decide your next steps.

My husband found an hour with an employment lawyer enormously helpful in understanding what his options were. He ended up putting in a grievance (he was still employed) and having had the advice saved him tonnes of time and ensured he focussed on the right areas.

I can see that constructive dismissal might not be the route OP chooses, but I think a discussion with a solicitor would be a really good investment for her in securing the best outcome for her.

Employment lawyer pronto. Go for constructive dismissal.

My boss owns 51% and is CEO. There is a board of directors but they're all related to him or friends with him. He's incredibly charming and nice on the surface so people tend to love him.

The other boss was a Co founder and he left due to being undermined. The behaviour is not dissimilar to what I've experienced.

The boss modus operandi has always been to surround himself with sycophants. If you don't agree on something what he does is to get a group together and publicly say "look all these people agree with me". He also gives people money to get their loyalty.

It's all a but psycho.

Facts, data, not relevant. I was granted considerable autonomy because my results were so good and he finds day to day stuff boring and pointless so he was just happy someone was running it.

He's the type of person who'd argue with you that the sky was black and then pretend he'd never said it.

I always liked my boss, but was deeply aware he's a malignant narcissist. He isn't evil or anything but he manipulates everyone to get his way.

Yes it was.

Three times in two weeks Susan has challenged by minor decisions in group chat and if I say no she starts saying ChatGPT agrees with her. Then instead of the boss backing me up he says "worth a try" and makes me test her ideas.

I don't think I'm averse to other people's ideas but some of her ideas were completely ridiculous and so it was trying to force me into doing a bad job.

As an example, I was doing a customer deal for 30% discount and she argued with me for two hours that saying "a third off" was more "powerful" and chatGPT agrees with her. I mean she actually wanted the words "A third off" but that's a really confusing way to present a discount IMO.

The boss interjects and says we have to "compromise" by doing 33% off as a trial, and when I pointed out no one was going to be swayed on a purchase by 25p and we'd lose revenue I was ignored.

So I had to do double the work to "test" Susans silly idea based on the authority of a robot. Result was wasting my time and we lost £60,000.

So that's what it's like. She's never worked in a commercial role. She's from a charity background and non profit.

As you recognise he's a narcissist, OP, you probably already know there's no point in you pursuing a discussion with him; instead communicating through a strong third party.

But could you recreate your current profitable department as a standalone business? Sounds like you’re likely to have at least 3 potential employees with a proven track record looking for a job pretty soon.

I'd love to do that. I hated not running my own company, which is why I specifically sought a role that was in a startup where I'd have autonomy because it suits me. Not because I'm bossy or bad in a team but more because I'm sort of a "do-er" and like rolling up my sleeves and feeling satisfaction, no matter how lowly the work is.

But I started my last business when I was 28 and it took three years to break even. I simply can't afford that now. I've got a family.

Beyond that, I absolutely loved my company and had an international reputation and worker SO hard to grow it and losing it in the pandemic was heartbreaking and also horribly traumatic. As I was a small business director I was one of those who didn't get furlough or anything so I also lost my home.

It was terrible and I could never have that kind of fear again.

I had something similar and was determined to fight it and stand up to everything, I did outlast the “friend” who had been brought in but at such a terrible cost to my health due to the stress and aggression that I regretted it and wish I’d just resigned. If you do try and get a payoff make sure you gain agreement for an excellent reference as part of the deal.

Understood. You need an angel investor! Best of luck in whatever you put your mind to next.

This is dreadful and a good case for constructive dismissal. However you should really have taken out a formal grievance about it and then resigned after that if gou needed to. Tribunals like to see individuals following formal processes to try to resolve issues.

Regardless, submit an application via ACAS. The employer might make you an offer ti settle and stop it moving forward. Even if they don't then you will cause them hassle in buckets by having to defend a claim.