to think that if young children are having full on tantrums outside, they should be taken indoors?

[toonoisie]

My next door neighbours have a couple of toddlers who play a lot in their garden. I’m not expecting silence and normal playing, laughing, even the odd cry doesn’t bother me.

But what’s starting to really grate is that when the tantrums kick off, they just leave them outside. These aren’t quick little moments either, it’s full screaming, crying, shouting, going on and on. Sometimes the parents are out there but just let it carry on, other times they actually go back inside and leave the kids out there still in the middle of it.

Even when they’re just “playing” it’s very loud, lots of screaming rather than normal chatter, but I’ve tried to ignore that because kids are kids. It’s the tantrums being left to play out in the garden that I’m struggling with.

It feels a bit unfair that everyone else has to listen to prolonged screaming when it could just be taken inside and dealt with there. I wouldn’t mind nearly as much if they at least brought them in once it escalates.

I also don’t feel like I can just have a quiet word with them as we’ve had issues over parking in the past, so it’s not exactly a comfortable or friendly situation.

You are not being unreasonable. Poor children. They will never learn to emotionally regulate if they are just abandoned in the garden or ignored every time they get upset. It’s very poor parenting.

And the noise is anti-social as it is happening so regularly.

That’s a lazy argument. Nobody is suggesting make a complaint.

It isn’t about total peace and quiet FFS.

Noise from children is the one thing that causes me (and a lot of ND people) total auditory overload. I avoid going out and about as much as possible and I wouldn’t dare go on a plane so I mitigate the risk as best I can.

Luckily my neighbours were a bit more considerate when their kids were young.

I know kids tantrum but the passive attitude towards it really is ridiculous. You love your kids and I guarantee that any noise they make is 10 times worse for everyone else.

I’d always take mine inside and then help them regulate. Toddlers can’t self regulate and need an adult to help. Even if that means just sitting with them to make sure they’re safe.

I think it’s really awful to leave them outside and I also wouldn’t let mine scream/shout too much. The odd one whilst jumping playing etc but not full on screaming.

we’ve got a few kids who come screaming down our road on scooters and it makes me wonder what’s going through parents heads (yes they’re with them and yes it’s long very loud screaming and shouting).

YANBU.
Lord knows what's in the water. All these miserable, out of control children with inconsiderate wimps for parents.

Nobody said about complaining to the council though. Yes all that noise is expected. But leaving a toddler (2-3 year old?) outside to “tantrum” with long screaming is not ok. It’s not fair on anyone - especially the toddler.

edited for typos again. Lost the plot today!

Ignoring a tantrum while it’s happening isn’t a passive attitude. It’s a calm, steady and pragmatic attitude. It’s a good way of minimizing the disruption for everyone and the emotional upset for the kid. You wait til they’ve calmed down and then you scoop them up and do the hugs and reassurance. And you try to avoid putting them into situations where you know they are likely to struggle and tantrum.
Bringing a tantrumming toddler inside might make things less noisy for your neighbors but it might actually make it worse if you have a semi-detached or terraced house, especially if it makes the tantrum last longer and too.

I presume you would be understanding if a neighbour got so frustrated that they shouted ‘shut the fuck up’ in your general direction then? Because you can’t stop the tantrum but you also can’t stop people reacting to it.

Yeah, I'm loving your sarcasm, but it's unhelpful. It's not that the tantrum would reduce - more that everyone else would have to hear less of it!

Yes, by the leg if necessary. Same in shopping centres and playgrounds, you only have to do it a handful of times before they learn.

Yes but watching them from a window. Tantrums escalate when they know they have your attention. That is the point of them. If they feel no one is watching they usually burn themselves out quickly. That is why a safe environment where they can’t react in anger and hurt themselves is the best.

my kids would tantrum hard but would exhaust themselves within a few mins. I doubt many have the energy to scream for hours. If thy are doing that then I think there is more going on than just a grumpy child.

Many DC are in sensory overload though, similarly parents, who trumps who.

My toddler is brought straight inside if she starts crying (unless due to hurting herself), I always make a point of explaining that part of the reason I do this is because we have neighbours and it's important to consider other people.

My next door neighbour is actually deaf but my point still stands.

Same way id take her out of a restaurant if she was screaming so others don't have to listen to it.

That's horrible.

You would shout ´shut the fuck up’ at a 2 or 3 year old child? Really?
None of us other than OP have actually seen or heard their neighbour so we don’t know what they are overreacting to totally normal toddler noise being handled in a healthy way that actually minimizes noise and upset or whether the kid is being emotionally neglected and the neighbors are anti social arseholes or something between those extremes.

If the tantrum was 20 seconds, I wouldn't be posting.

Are you the neighbours leaving them unsupervised? But it is ok watching from a window.

FROM the OP But what’s starting to really grate is that when the tantrums kick off, they just leave them outside. These aren’t quick little moments either, it’s full screaming, crying, shouting, going on and on. Sometimes the parents are out there but just let it carry on, other times they actually go back inside and leave the kids out there still in the middle of it.

The only thing the parents are minimising is the OP's peaceful enjoyment of her garden.
Prolonged periods of crying... ineffective parents... they sound like a family of anti-social arseholes indeed.

Yes, I also read the OP. It still doesn’t really tell us what the parents are dealing with and whether they are doing a good job, bad job or ok job of handling it. Some kids tantrum a lot and for a long time, some kids give up and stop much quicker. It sounds like there are multiple kids involved here, so multiple potential sources of tantrums! Sometimes it’s straightforward enough to manhandle a small screaming toddler inside or coax on older child in, sometimes it’s just not. The parents may be trying different strategies - staying near but mostly ignoring, leaving in a safe place but walking away. It’s not necessarily true that quiet kids are living in nice safe loving households and noisy kids are being badly parented. There are reasons why the exact opposite can happen.

But you keep excusing the parents. It doesn’t matter if they are good or bad parents. The effect on the neighbours is the same either way.

Did I say I would shout that? But because it would be causing me pain, I would certainly be thinking it. I would probably say it quietly to myself.

The Quality of parenting is irrelevant. Nobody is saying the child is being neglected. But if the parent isn’t doing their best to stop the noise then they are certainly a crappy neighbour

Actually that’s their problem. Whether the child or parent is in that situation, it is the parent’s job to deal with it. I’m not going to ignore my own pain. They obviously feel their need trumps mine so don’t expect me to be sympathetic

I wasn’t correcting her. I went to type a reply and my child knocked me and it pressed post that’s why it’s been edited.

It was correct anyway but even if it hadn’t been I don’t do that 👍🏻

Sorry @LiviaDrusillaAugusta , we had a play date so only just seen this.

Um pick them up and carry them in, one under each arm if need be 💁🏻.

Nah. There are some things that don’t need to be a learning curve. Leaving your kid to scream in the garden without dealing with it is one of them. I knew that as a child, as a childfree adult, as the parent of two toddlers and still knkw it now they are adult. They won’t be toddlers forever but will end up friendless and hated if their behaviour is not dealt with by their actual parents now.