to think that if young children are having full on tantrums outside, they should be taken indoors?

[toonoisie]

My next door neighbours have a couple of toddlers who play a lot in their garden. I’m not expecting silence and normal playing, laughing, even the odd cry doesn’t bother me.

But what’s starting to really grate is that when the tantrums kick off, they just leave them outside. These aren’t quick little moments either, it’s full screaming, crying, shouting, going on and on. Sometimes the parents are out there but just let it carry on, other times they actually go back inside and leave the kids out there still in the middle of it.

Even when they’re just “playing” it’s very loud, lots of screaming rather than normal chatter, but I’ve tried to ignore that because kids are kids. It’s the tantrums being left to play out in the garden that I’m struggling with.

It feels a bit unfair that everyone else has to listen to prolonged screaming when it could just be taken inside and dealt with there. I wouldn’t mind nearly as much if they at least brought them in once it escalates.

I also don’t feel like I can just have a quiet word with them as we’ve had issues over parking in the past, so it’s not exactly a comfortable or friendly situation.

I’d only force a toddler having a tantrum inside if it was a safety issue to be honest. When they are in meltdown mode you want to calm them as quickly as possible and dragging them somewhere is unlikely to be conducive to this.

Completely agree op.

I was taken in if me and sister kicked off. I took my children in if they did. I also didn’t let them shriek and scream either.

playing nicely, giggling and the odd shout fine. Tantrums, arguing, shrieking - indoors

people are not considerate anymore

Not but it’s conducive to being thoughtful to the rest of the area

I remember I once had a thread about my toddler refusing to walk and the general consensus was to absolutely force her into her pushchair. When I pointed out she’d scream the place down and that would be unpleasant for others the consensus was ‘tough, teach her.’

I’m mentioning that as this consideration does seem to depend on the issue which makes me think it’s not really a consideration issue at all. To be honest, my children can make noise in their own garden. We aren’t actually close enough to any other houses for noise to be an issue but constantly shushing them, bringing them in at any hint of normal toddler behaviour seems pretty miserable to me.

Bear hug from behind and straight indoors.

The poster was absolutely correct to type it's.

If you're going to sink to the level of correcting people, at least make sure you know what you're talking about.

ETA: I see you've edited it now.

Toddlerhood is such a short period in a child's life, this will naturally become a non issue with time. Not sure why you are making this all about yourself with the "poor me" post though? Nobody likes screaming toddlers and their parents are not "letting" it happen. If you ask a toddler to stop screaming they won't. Sometimes the safest thing to do is to let the toddler scream without intervening especially if they are in the safety of their own garden. Sometimes if parents try to help, the toddler will slam themselves down in defeyence and physically injure themselves. Or if you pick them up they may start clawing at themselves and others. They can be quite strong and determined. It is obvious you have not had to injure this stage in life personally or you would not have written such an ignorant and ill informed post. Life is noisy, it is no different than being in your garden and listening to lawn mowers, traffic, aeroplanes, helicopters, cats fighting, arguments, power tools, seagulls skwacking etc. None of these noises can be controlled and neither can toddlers screaming. Singling out toddler tantrums is a pretty low bar.

Shame they edited it - I love my SPAG being corrected by someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about 🤣

Not the same as toddler tantrums that can't be controlled.

But your ‘strong and determined’ toddler is your problem to deal with. If you can’t do anything about it then fine but having a go at people for being upset by the noise is ridiculous.

And a toddler screaming is VERY different to normal noise for some of us.

I’d take a tantrumming toddler out of an indoor public space (like a shop or a restaurant) because it’s loud and unpleasant for others, but I wouldn’t move them from a safe, private (privately owned/rented) outdoor space into an indoor space. Moving a tantrumming child is a balance of risks. You could get hurt, they could get hurt. Getting them past a doorframe can be particularly difficult. It might be ok if they don’t mind being moved but if they object it can easily lead to bumps and bruises all round. Letting the kid calm down before dealing with the problem is good parenting. Tantrumming toddlers have completely lost control of themselves. Shouting at them to be quiet is pointless and can just make it worse. Giving in to whatever mad toddler whim set them off is just teaching them to tantrum when they want something. It can be good to stay with them while they tantrum but if you’re about it lose it yourself, walking away for a few minutes and coming back calmer is a much better idea. It’s not the same as trying to teach older kids that screaming while playing is unneigbourly behavior. Tantrums are just part of being around toddlers. You get the odd quiet toddler but most aren’t like that.

I could hear my neighbours grandchild having a tantrum despite my double glazed windows being shut and headphones on.....people are very inconsiderate.

Yeah my problem to deal with in my own property and garden, not nosey good for nothing neighbours that probably make more noise when they crack their barbecue out, and laugh hysterically with their toffy nosed champagne loving friends on a sunny day. We are all at different stages in life, and that is that!

My kids never had one tantrum. Not one! But it was absolutely genetic and nothing to do with our, quite frankly, average parenting. Think they inherited my husband’s placid nature and not my more volatile one. No tantrums can happen with some kids. I take zero credit though…

I'd move a tantruming toddler out of a restaurant or other public place, obviously.

But in the garden? No way. The fastest way to stop the eldest's tantrum was to walk away.

There's no tantrum without an audience.

It's completely different to a meltdown in that way. A tantrum is about being thwarted. Ignoring it is standard parenting advice.

So it is fine to leave to unsupervised toddlers tantruming in the garden and walk away?

Yes.

How come you get to escape and other people don’t. You are presumably more tolerant of your child because you love them. Hardly fair to then just walk away so that everyone else has to be disturbed

"There is no tantrum without an audience"

Audience leaves, tantrum ends. Fastest way to end a tantrum is to walk away.

(although in fairness, with third child, audience would leave and little madam would follow and fling herself on the floor in the new room)

yes but the poor fuckers living nearby are still forced to listen

For about 20 seconds. So what?

They heard noise from mine when toddlers, I heard noise from theirs when toddlers, we all hear the other neighbour's barking dog, and the one who plays the drums. Noise is part of living around other people.

It’s both. I said to a friend the other day she’s forgotten she was probably a noisy arsehole as a kid.
I also think children aren’t told to shut up. I can remember my parents and friends parents telling us to keep the noise down or we would have ti come in. Now they can scream from morning to night with no intervention as long as they are occupied (thank fuck my neighbours child grew up).

I don’t think you can expect total peace and quiet in a residential area. You get ordinary domestic noise in a residential area. Some of that noise is annoying. Kids having tantrums in gardens is annoying but to be expected. Like babies crying in the night, dogs barking, summer barbecues, lawns being mown, power drills on Sunday afternoons and kids playing on summer evenings. There are ways of keeping noise levels low for some things but not others. If you ring the council noise control department and complain next doors’ well cared for toddler sometimes has tantrums in the garden they will struggle not to laugh at you.

My kids apart from my 18 year old dd are thankfully all out the tantrum stage now but I use to always bring them in if they where having tantrums and they could go back out when they calmed down. Its bad enough hearing your own kids nobody should have to listen to other peoples acting lile that

But with tantrumming toddlers the choice is probably either a shortlived tantrum with no parents shouting or a slightly longer tantrum with parents shouting on top. I guess it makes you feel better to think that the parents aren’t just accepting the noise but actually ignoring the tantrum is probably the less noisy option.