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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry my only child will feel lonely growing up?

111 replies

Daffodilsinbunches · 08/04/2026 14:13

I have one child - he’s 7. I found pregnancy mostly fine but post partum I really struggled - both mentally and emotionally.
Me & my partner don’t have much of a support network nearby so it was really, really hard (and still is).
Our son never really slept and even now at times he’s up at 5am, but the usual for him is around 6am.
He’s got AUDHD, as have I and most likely his dad too. He’s really quite intense and easily overwhelmed.

All this made me realise I can’t go through it all again. I nearly ended up being sectioned the first time. I even remember going to the doctors about something to do with him when he was around 6 weeks old and I was just sobbing. But also extremely angry and ended up shouting at the receptionist. They were very dark days for me. Very lonely and isolating.
He was admitted to hospital via ambulance when he was 8 weeks old as he had broncholitis. It was terrifying for me and extremely traumatic watching them put a breathing & feeding tube into him as a tiny baby.

I know socially it could be different now, as I have more friends locally than in my life than I had 7/8 years ago, however my partner is pretty much dead set on not having anymore and he’s 45 this year , I’m going to be 37.

I just want to know that my son’s life won’t be awfully lonely and depressing as an only child.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 08/04/2026 14:35

With kindness, You are being ridiculous.

You've no idea what your son's life holds, and whether another child would be their best buddy or would cause them absolute hell.

Your partner is dead set against more children; and if one in the couple doesnt want more children then you dont have anymore children (together). Children have to be wanted for who they are by both parents, not so that they can be a sibling and companion to existing children.

So that your existing child isnt lonely isnt a reason to consider having another child and pressing the issue when one parent is dead set against it.

Forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty. Your child will have the life you give them and later they will have the life they choose to have; with or without more siblings.

Original poster
Daffodilsinbunches · 08/04/2026 14:45

I think it’s because the ‘natural’ way of things seems to have at least two.
Most of my friends and family are on number two or more. Two friends are pregnant at the moment with their second and fourth.
I feel like there must be something wrong with me.

OP posts:
Quokka99 · 08/04/2026 14:52

Lots of people only have one, including me. I think it's fine to have one and I'm happy with our decision.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/04/2026 14:55

The 'natural' way of doing things is to have 10. We have contraception, thank goodness.

I have a sibling I don't like and an only. There are issues with every set up. Meet challenges as they arrive.

HamSandwichKiller · 08/04/2026 15:00

It sounds like you're sticking to one for some really good reasons (though frankly personal preference is a perfectly decent reason too). I have an only and as a preteen it does take some effort to ensure he gets enough time with peers during the holidays/weekends. He doesn't want to hang out with just his parents which is fair enough. So, we invite others over. As an introvert I sometimes find that challenging but it's the cost of keeping a good social life going for him. In a few years I'm sure he'll be heading out more and not needing that support so much.

toomuchfaff · 08/04/2026 15:02

Daffodilsinbunches · 08/04/2026 14:45

I think it’s because the ‘natural’ way of things seems to have at least two.
Most of my friends and family are on number two or more. Two friends are pregnant at the moment with their second and fourth.
I feel like there must be something wrong with me.

Yes but your partner doesnt want more children. It doesn't matter if Sharon has two, and Marjorie has two, your other half doesnt want more children. Keeping up with the Jones is not a way to live your life.

LordofMisrule1 · 08/04/2026 15:06

Yes, YABU to worry your child will feel lonely.

Siblings aren't any kind of guarantee of social contact or support, as I'm sure you're aware. They could get on, could not. Could be a positive thing for your son, could be negative.

You're essentially working under the presumption that your son won't make best friends, won't find a partner, won't build his own family. In the families I know, even if people have siblings their closest relationships are their friends and their own partner/children, rather than siblings.

You also can't have a whole other human just to gamble that that human will meet a need you perceive in your son. It wouldn't be fair to anybody.

The whole notion that only children are automatically going to be lonely is so outdated.

I'm one of four and permanently estranged from all of them, and I have a wonderful life with the most incredible best friends, my own family, and a wide circle of acquaintances/mates. And when my mum died I was the only one to sort stuff, and it was fine because it was a real life lesson and learning curve, and I had the support of friends.

AmusedMaker · 08/04/2026 15:22

I’m one of 4, estranged from all of them.
oh how I wished I’d been an only child.
YABU.

SomeTameGazelles · 08/04/2026 15:28

Daffodilsinbunches · 08/04/2026 14:45

I think it’s because the ‘natural’ way of things seems to have at least two.
Most of my friends and family are on number two or more. Two friends are pregnant at the moment with their second and fourth.
I feel like there must be something wrong with me.

Not ‘natural’ at all. Just other people’s choices. You make the ones that suit you. There’s no reason whatsoever to have another child you don’t want, or to think your child will live some kind of miserably reclusive existence because he doesn’t have siblings. Model healthy friendships for him, and encourage his by making his friends welcome.

MyLimeGuide · 08/04/2026 15:30

I have only one (also 7). He gets all my love and attention and im sure will end up with lots of friends. Siblings can fall out and constantly be jealous/fighting attention for parents etc id say its a privilege to have parents all to yourself!

legoeverywhere2727 · 08/04/2026 15:36

All my friends with siblings were either badly let down during care for elderly parents and or NC. So it won't make much difference

SquidPotato · 08/04/2026 15:36

I have an only, although he’s currently still only 4 so not as far along as you are. We make sure to take him to a lot of places where he can socialise, and I’d say he has better social skills than most kids I know with siblings simply because he doesn’t have them to rely on. It does mean we have to do some things differently than we would if we had two kids to entertain each other, but that’s not really a hardship and he is thriving.

I have a sibling who made my childhood a misery (no abuse, just chronic lack of ability to get on) and will make my life harder when dealing with ageing parents and their estates. I don’t believe in the “lonely only” idea, but even if I did then I’d rather my son was lonely than shared his home with someone who made him miserable.

Dodonutty · 08/04/2026 15:39

Your child is 7. That would be a big gap between children and that would bring it's own challenges.

As the parent of an only who is now grown up, I think you need to flip your thinking and start to think about the benefits. You child will grow up with all the attention on them. Funds won't have to be split between multiple children. You don't have the dilemma of juggling school events around a younger sibling's nap. You will never have to worry about booking 2 adults and 2 children into a hotel room and who gets the best bed. You will save a fortune on not having to buy presents for multiple class parties!

buttercupdaisyyellow · 08/04/2026 15:50

I can sympathise with your feelings. I think anything where you’re the ‘odd one out’ is hard. Strangely, I’m one of only two people in my circle of friends who has two children, but I can imagine that if I’d stayed at one and everyone else had a second, I’d have felt very odd and out of sync.

I think there are a lot of benefits to having one child and it’s a lot more certain. Sibling relationships just can’t be predicted.

Goodadvice1980 · 08/04/2026 15:54

Not this tripe again.

I wish people would stop pushing the narrative that only children are lonely/disadvantaged/somehow missing out in life.

Peonies12 · 08/04/2026 15:59

I think you need to change your own mindset on this otherwise it'll rub off on your son. There's a pros and cons to all family set ups. Being an only child is increasingly common, and it's predicted to be the most common family set up in the near future. We're one and done, have been since the start, and I want my daughter to see it as positive so I focus on the positives. Siblings are no guarantee of support or friends. Your son could have 10 siblings and be lonely, because he'd never get any time with his parents!

mindutopia · 08/04/2026 16:01

I was an only child and I loved it! I never once felt lonely.

I have 2 children of my own. Because I wanted two children, not so they could keep each other company. They definitely aren’t thrilled with each other’s existence. And while I think they will be grateful for each other one day as adults, it’s definitely not now!

Thanksabunch10 · 08/04/2026 16:23

I have an only DD (7) by choice, she is a happy, outgoing and confident little girl. I do understand how you feel, it took me a long time to come to terms with it too. Now, though, I’m genuinely at peace and happy with my decision, because I’ve realised a few things:

  1. There’s no guarantee siblings will be close or supportive. In fact, I know more people who don’t get along with their siblings than those who do.
  2. I have no desire to go through pregnancy or raise another child. I really didn’t enjoy the toddler stage, and the thought of doing it again, while also parenting an older child, fills me with dread. You sound the exact same, and honestly if this was the only reason you had for not having another then that is good enough.
  3. There’s a lot of societal pressure (especially in Western culture) to have two children. For a long time, I felt like something was wrong with me as well for not wanting more. I’ve recently realised that more people than you would think have a second child because it’s expected, they have this image of how life should be and then if reality doesn’t match up, they are miserable. So please don’t feel there is something no wrong with you, a lot of people only have the capacity for one.
  4. We truly live our best lives as a family of three. Because we’re happy, calm, and content, we’re able to be the best parents we can be to our one. We can work flexibly, we have more money, we can travel freely, we can spend a huge amount of time together, and individually mum and DD/mum and dad etc…honestly it’s really nice.

Another thing just to add - when I was going through a bit of a wobble I spoke to two friends who were only children, I asked how they felt about it. One just said she didn’t know any different and she was quite content, she is now a fantastic adult. My other friend said she loved it - she remembers being incredibly close to her mum (still is) and has chosen to have an only child of her own.

Honestly, the fact you are worried about it shows how good a mum you are and I hope you come to peace with it soon because it is such a freeing feeling. Enjoy what you have and have a lovely life together he will be absolutely fine x

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 08/04/2026 16:27

He’s going to be much better off as an only child to happy, stable parents than he would be if his parents were struggling to cope with a second child that they don’t even want. Plenty of people only have one. He’ll be absolutely fine.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/04/2026 16:32

He’s already missed the boat of having a similar aged playmate growing up. Big age gaps are great if the big kid will be helpful though.

if you want a playmate for him but don’t want to do birth again you could consider fostering - they’d love your SEND experience.

Darkladyofthesonnets · 08/04/2026 16:33

I am an only child. I used to worry about being alone when my parents died as they were older. When I got married I was determined to have at least two children - my children are adults and they do get on although they are very different. So that's my perspective as an only child. It might be different if an only child had cousins of a similar age and they were close. My children have cousins but they are either much much younger or much older.

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/04/2026 16:38

All of the adults I know have their primary social relationships with friends rather than siblings. A couple are fairly close to a sibling, but none live in close proximity to them or socialise with them on a regular basis. I’m decently good friends with one of my brothers, but I certainly wouldn’t be lonely or depressed without him!

As a parent you just nurture and encourage his social life and hobbies in the same way you would anyway even if he had a sibling. Most siblings even in childhood have different interests and are primarily interested in their peers, particularly if there’s an age gap.

Favouritefruits · 08/04/2026 16:43

Lots of people these days have just one child! There’s pros and cons to being an only as there are with multiples. My niece is an only but I’m hoping she never feels lonely as she’s got my kids as cousins and when they are all older hopefully they will pull together for her. Does your child have cousins?

sesquipedalian · 08/04/2026 16:44

My DBIL is an only - and he loves it! I think it makes you more independent, but most only children are good at making friends. Once he grows up and gets married, he will have his own family. My own DS has sisters, but as a DC, he always longed for a brother.

Itsanewlife · 08/04/2026 16:45

I have one and he is not lonely or depressed. He has lots of friends, some of whom are 'only' children and they are like siblings who don't fight, so even better. I have a sibling and I am much closer to my best friends than I am to my sibling. So, agree with others, you are worrying unnecessarily.