AIBU to worry my only child will feel lonely growing up?

[Daffodilsinbunches]

I have one child - he’s 7. I found pregnancy mostly fine but post partum I really struggled - both mentally and emotionally.
Me & my partner don’t have much of a support network nearby so it was really, really hard (and still is).
Our son never really slept and even now at times he’s up at 5am, but the usual for him is around 6am.
He’s got AUDHD, as have I and most likely his dad too. He’s really quite intense and easily overwhelmed.

All this made me realise I can’t go through it all again. I nearly ended up being sectioned the first time. I even remember going to the doctors about something to do with him when he was around 6 weeks old and I was just sobbing. But also extremely angry and ended up shouting at the receptionist. They were very dark days for me. Very lonely and isolating.
He was admitted to hospital via ambulance when he was 8 weeks old as he had broncholitis. It was terrifying for me and extremely traumatic watching them put a breathing & feeding tube into him as a tiny baby.

I know socially it could be different now, as I have more friends locally than in my life than I had 7/8 years ago, however my partner is pretty much dead set on not having anymore and he’s 45 this year , I’m going to be 37.

I just want to know that my son’s life won’t be awfully lonely and depressing as an only child.

I am an only child and at 47 I have made peace with it as I have a great husband and great kids! However growing up I felt “left out” everyone else had siblings. I had no one. At one point about 11 I became resentful my parents didn’t have another child. Now my mother is old and the care falls on me I dislike it. It’s SO overwhelming. I have no one to share the emotional and mental burden with. I have 3 of my own now and I love th so dearly. They are my friends. However I get jealous when I see my husband with his siblings. I feel he has people that have his back no matter what but I have no one except my kids!!!! I had alot of love as an only child. I was well taken care of but also over shielded and over protected. I wouldn’t choose being an only child ever again

One child is absolutely fine, lots of people only have one. Just make sure he has other people in his life too, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends etc … I grew up as an only child - I did have older siblings and extended family but due family dynamics and circumstances I didn’t get to know any of these until I was an adult. It’s very apparent in my adult life I didn’t build these relationships from a young age and it’s been really tough on my mental health.

My nephews were identical twins and one of them passed away in early childhood. I think you can have this vision of how things will map out in the future and it changes in an instant. I wouldn't overthink it.

I'm an only child and never felt lonely as a kid because I had plenty of friends in the neighbourhood and through school/activities. However, it has been hard as an adult going through parental illness and death without any family support. A sibling doesn't guarantee that of course though anyway. The only advice I have for parents of only children is to try and foster relationships with extended family or family friends who can be a source of support for them when you're older or not around any more. My parents didn't really do this and I think that's what I've really lacked, not companionship from peers

I also have an AuDHD child. She's now a teen. She does sometimes say she'd like a sibling but in my opinion, due to her needs and personality, I'd say 10% chance it would have been lovely and 90%, a disaster!

She has sibling-like relationships with a couple of neighbours but everyone returns to their own houses and I think it's the best of both worlds.

You do have to give holidays a bit more thought (as you do with kids who don't get on, wide age gaps, different sexes, interests, tolerances...)

The ship has sailed for you anyway. It'd be a minimum 8 year gap. A 10 year oldest not going to be playing with a 2 year old! At best you might get a bit of babysitting...

Loads have just 1, some on purpose, some because that's what happens. Even if you tried doesn't mean you'd get another. So stop worrying and just try and enjoy your one and only.
My only child is very independent and good at talking to people, especially adults. They just have a different life experience that's all, not a worse one.

I have a younger brother but I barely see him he’s got his own life! We send the odd text if it’s been a few months without seeing each other but that’s it! I only have one child and she’s almost 14 I’ve left it too long to have another I’m also 37 I couldn’t think of anything worse than starting all over again now but that’s just me.

I am a mum of one, people always used to say she will be lonely etc, i worked full time too as my wage was needed, i always prioritised her from the minute home to bedtime, quality time. I spent more quality time with her than a lot of my friend and there children who had more than one, she’s 28 now, settled wifh her partner and pregnant with her first,we’ve had conversations over the last few years as to whether she was ever lonely due to being an only one, absolutely not was her answer as we had quality time, always organised play dates, sleepovers and hobbies. Her partner was one of four, and he has said he might only want one (obvs things might change) as he loves how close we are as a family and hes never felt that. My worry was more of what when something happened to me and her dad, however, she has her own family and his larger family too for when we wont be here. Standard joke tho that she’s not good at sharing 🤣 not in a selfish way. Hope that helps.

I’ve never really understood the idea that siblings automatically mean non-loneliness in life. I have two older brothers. I have nothing in common with either of them beyond having the same parents. We don’t keep in touch and only see each other if my parents organise it (usually around a holiday). I have many friends with similar stories. I wouldn’t even say I enjoyed their company growing up. You’d think two older sons would be close too, but nope my brothers aren’t and they even live near each other.

This is me. I am this. It’s just me and my husband and my kids now. That’s it. Sighs

I was always worried about that so I decided to have 3 kids. However, if you decide to have another kid now, it will be more for you rather than your DS. 8 years apart is a lot. I have a sister 7 years older and we only got closer when I got to uni as we were always on very different parts of life. So if I were you, I would think more of do I want another child? Cause the new baby will never be his playmate.