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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think grandmothers are expected to shoulder too much childcare?

152 replies

catchingup1 · 08/04/2026 10:41

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/aug/24/grandparent-revolt-burned-out-childcare-birthrates

I’ve just read this article and what stood out to me wasn’t selfishness, it was how much of this seems to fall on grandmothers in particular. It feels like there is still this quiet expectation that women will just step back into a caring role, no matter their age or stage of life.

They have already spent years raising their own children, often doing the bulk of the emotional and practical labour. Then just as they reach a point where they might finally have some time for themselves, it starts again. Not always because they actively choose it, but because it is assumed they will.

I completely understand that parents are under pressure and childcare is expensive. That is real. But it does not sit right that the solution often becomes leaning on grandmothers as if their time is simply available.

There is also something about the guilt attached to it. Saying no can be made to feel like you are letting people down or not caring enough, when actually it can just be about wanting a bit of your own life back after decades of responsibility.
It feels less like a revolt and more like long overdue boundaries. Grandmothers are allowed to be more than just caregivers. They are allowed to rest, to have interests, to travel, to do nothing if they want.

AIBU to think this is not about grandparents being unwilling, but about grandmothers in particular carrying a burden that people are only just starting to question?

OP posts:
Velumental · 11/04/2026 13:46

TightlyLacedCorset · 11/04/2026 13:45

I didn't say the parents should 'expect' elderly care, I said if all the affection, time, and effort parents had put in with their children results in them still employing the rubric of 'help with elderly care' as a weapon to ensure compliance from their (mostly mothers) parents with regular child care, then there's no point. What makes you think offering childcare will cause them to have any natural desire to help when older? Likely not. Clearly their efforts as parents weren't appreciated and they're not loved for themselves. Only as caregivers. And that's the point about women. Strongly perceived (and the job market reflects it) as caregivers above all.

I daresay the vast majority of parents pray to God that they never have to become a burden on their children. It's actually somewhat unnatural to want the roles of independence to be reversed. Most people in that position hate it. I don't have good health and I think I'd rather pass away quickly than become such a burden personally. It's a terribly nasty thing to hold out the spectre of being deserted whilst being incredibly vulnerable as a means of engendering some sort of emotional guilt and surrender to babysitting duties.

It's not comparative to not babysitting at all. It far more extreme. And downright nasty.

No it isn't. Your viewpoint is skewed.

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 14:00

Velumental · 11/04/2026 13:20

Absolutely but did those grandfather's do much childcare in their own families? Because if your husband did piss all with your own children then you let that dynamic occur. Also I wouldn't spit on my da if he was on fire so I wouldn't leave my kids with him and I'm not wiping his arse when he's only so My view on this won't be balanced

So women are to blame for the majority of the burden of childcare falling on the grandmothers?

OP posts:
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