To not send my 6yo to her dads when she doesn't want to go

[Northernlights19]

Hi all,

My 6.5yo has expressed she doesn't like to go to her dad's. She sees his parents take his older child to school and back every day (they beep and wave at us) and said he just plays the PlayStation with her brother and she's bored. Lots of other things too.

She's cried saying she doesn't want to go and it's getting to the point I don't want to force her to go somewhere she isn't happy. No court order in place and I don't think he'd care enough to get one. Can anyone advise what they would do?

Also I don't know what to think about this but she's told me there are "willy lollies" at his house on the table he got from a sweet shop but didn't buy her sweets from there, just got those and they're on display apparently.

He only seems bothered to see her to look good in front of his work friends.

I have tried to reason with him and his family. He outright denies any different treatment from his parents.

Maybe I do need to just continue to remain positive and continue to make her go. Thanks for your reply

I wouldn’t make her go if she didn’t want to. Could he take her out for a couple of hours and return her to yours, or spend time with her at your place ?

'Maybe I do need to just continue to remain positive'
In six to eight years time you'll be wondering why she ignores red flags in relationships and chases after people who treat her like rubbish.

He isn't meeting her needs. She is experiencing a level of neglect from him and his family. You aren't taking any notice of her wants. Where do you think this will end up? This will slowly chip away at her self esteem. If he can't meet her needs and not expose her to inappropriate objects, she doesn't go. Absolutely do not force her to go. He nurture a relationship with her, or she gets to choose.

I don't think it's fair to say I'm not taking notice of her wants. I started the thread for a reason. Some people clearly think she is too young to make a decision and I'll be blamed when she's older or that I'm controlling.

Like I've said I don't want to force her. But I am mindful of long term impact.

He absolutely can. He can come to my house to see her any time as he knows. He can take her out etc but he worries more about people seeing him take her out if that makes sense.

No it doesn't.

I agree.

One last try and then I’d stop sending her if she doesn’t want to go. He sounds awful. I wouldn’t force my child. It’s not your fault he’s like this.

Thank you ❤️

It's genuinely alarming how many people in this thread think it's perfectly normal for a 6 year old GIRL to know what cartoon willies are and to find it funny. I think many people need to take a hard look at their own upbringing and why they think it's totally fine for young girls to be exposed to age inappropriate imagery and concepts.

I think there's nothing wrong about a grown man to having willy candies around, maybe gifted as a joke. But it's very odd for his 6 year old daughter to know what those are and to be able to describe it by name, and it doesn't raise any red flags with the mother either. It means someone actively explained to her before the age of 6 what a cartoon depiction of male genitalia looks like and that for some reason it's supposed to be scandalous or funny. That is absolutely sexualising children before the are ready.

For reference, we are not prude or religious in any way and DD loves toilet humour. She also knows that boys have "bits" that make them different to girls. But she makes absolutely no connection between the image of willy (which she has seen in shops) and the fact it's supposed to represented male genitalia because that's an abstract concept an adult actively needs to explain to a child at that age. Most girls will probably learn what cartoon willies are when they're 8 and older but 6 is extremely young.

If a 6 year old girl came to our house for a play date and started talking about willies or drawing them, I would see that as a massive red flag.

Bear in mind the context of this entire thread is based on the fact a 6 year old girl is crying and pleading that she doesn't want to go stay in a house with at least two older males (father & brother), able to describe that they have willy shaped sweets lying around and people here are still in total denial this isn't an acceptable environment for a small girl.

Yeah I'm not sure the willy-shaped candy is the main issue her. His utter shitness as a father is more to the point.

OP I'd stop sending her and I'd tell him why. If he wants to see her he can take her out for the afternoon- or he can go to court and get a contact agreement in place. If he won't do that then he really doesnt give a shit.

I used to object to going to my Dad’s when I was little. I thought it was boring and my dad didn’t have much idea of how to play with a young girl. I ca remember having full on screaming tantrums a couple of times.

But I was always made to go and I will be forever thankful for that. If my mum had given into me, I’d barely have any childhood memories of my own father and we would never have had the opportunity to develop a relationship. There are reasons why children don’t make important decisions.