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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP looking to protect gift towards house move

125 replies

Sunnydayzz · 07/04/2026 21:46

DP and I own our current house 50/50 (he contributes more to the Mortgage/bills as he’s full time and earns more).

We are looking to move house, and he has been told he will be gifted a sum of money as early inheritance. This will be used to enable us to upsize as we’ve had a child (no plans for more)

He says that he wants it to be documented that in the event of us splitting/selling up, this amount is solely his.

I feel a bit irked…do you think what he’s proposed is fair? And would it need to be legally documented or would something simpler suffice?

OP posts:
shockthemonkey · 07/04/2026 21:48

I’d feel irked too. But you’re not pooling your money jointly so…

vladimirVsvolodymr · 07/04/2026 21:50

He is protecting his inheritance and rightly so. Not romantic but sometimes you need to think with your head not your heart.

jdb9803 · 07/04/2026 21:50

Unless you are planning on splitting up it won't make any difference. If it is a substantial amount of money then I can understand why he wants to protect it - he's already contributing more without a bigger share.

InterIgnis · 07/04/2026 21:50

He’s being sensible. Imo everyone should look to protect their investments.

It also may be something the person giving the money has insisted on, as a condition for giving it.

ETA there’s been plenty of threads on here where women in his position have been strongly advised to do the same. It isn’t about not having faith in the relationship, any more than putting a seat belt on means that you expect to crash your car.

Classiclines · 07/04/2026 21:51

It doesn't sound as though he sees your relationship as a long term one.

BIWI · 07/04/2026 21:51

You're not married. He's paying more than you already. I can see why he would want this.

Silverbirchleaf · 07/04/2026 21:53

Women are always advised to ring fence any inheritance or deposit they put into a house.

However, I understand why you feel a little hurt that your relationship may not last forever.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 07/04/2026 21:53

I have known three people who have done this. I don’t think it’s unreasonable. As others have said you will benefit unless you split.

Wingingit73 · 07/04/2026 21:54

Its fair. Its inheritance for him that he's using to benefit you both but isnt prepared to gift you. You could do the same.

Changingplace · 07/04/2026 21:55

This is a sensible move, if it was vice versa you’d be advised to do the same.

If you’re not going to split up it becomes irrelevant but if you did in the future it’s just a practical financial plan.

BlessedCheesemaker · 07/04/2026 21:55

He's full time and earning more presumably at least in part because you've dropped down due to parenting? I dunno if he's unreasonable or not, it's a shame he is even thinking like that, I get it, but I wouldn't like it.

Namenamchange · 07/04/2026 21:55

I think it’s fair, let’s say you split up, and he loses 50 of his inheritance, and after you’ve split up you get an inheritance, he won’t get a share of that.

On an emotional level it would annoy me, but I would do the same as him.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 07/04/2026 21:56

Yes its fair that a large contribution be ring fenced.

Original poster
Sunnydayzz · 07/04/2026 21:58

BlessedCheesemaker · 07/04/2026 21:55

He's full time and earning more presumably at least in part because you've dropped down due to parenting? I dunno if he's unreasonable or not, it's a shame he is even thinking like that, I get it, but I wouldn't like it.

He did earn quite a bit more when I was full time (50k to 25k) but we paid equal amounts then.

The gift is c.£30k

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/04/2026 22:00

InterIgnis · 07/04/2026 21:50

He’s being sensible. Imo everyone should look to protect their investments.

It also may be something the person giving the money has insisted on, as a condition for giving it.

ETA there’s been plenty of threads on here where women in his position have been strongly advised to do the same. It isn’t about not having faith in the relationship, any more than putting a seat belt on means that you expect to crash your car.

Edited

This exactly. Why would you expect to benefit from his early inheritance?

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2026 22:01

This is completely fair and is well given advice for anyone in this position. Why are you feeling irked?

DalmationalAnthem · 07/04/2026 22:01

It's completely fair. Do you think you should be entitled to some of the money?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 07/04/2026 22:03

vladimirVsvolodymr · 07/04/2026 21:50

He is protecting his inheritance and rightly so. Not romantic but sometimes you need to think with your head not your heart.

I agree
when my great aunt passed away if I get anything I would absolutely protect it - you need to be practical about these things as nobody knows what the future holds.

RoyalPenguin · 07/04/2026 22:05

OP as you are not married it's not a good idea to go part time as it leaves you financially vulnerable. Sorry I know that's not the main part of your post, but it is important.

previouslyknownas · 07/04/2026 22:07

My son ringfenced his 100k deposit by way of a deed of trust
it enabled him and his partner to
buy a beautiful home ,
they are both young 32 -27 and they have basically jumped into their forever home straight away

he’s in line to inherit another substantial amount and he is going to protect that as well if he puts it into the house

his partner benefits from living in a beautiful house and they are sharing the equity 50 -50 and they are both on the deeds

his partner has no issue with this and they understand why it’s been done

workshy46 · 07/04/2026 22:09

InterIgnis · 07/04/2026 21:50

He’s being sensible. Imo everyone should look to protect their investments.

It also may be something the person giving the money has insisted on, as a condition for giving it.

ETA there’s been plenty of threads on here where women in his position have been strongly advised to do the same. It isn’t about not having faith in the relationship, any more than putting a seat belt on means that you expect to crash your car.

Edited

Yes but this different, they have a child together and by the sounds of things her career will or most likely will be impacted because of that. He’s protecting himself which if there was no children involved would be fine but in this scenario I don’t think it is fair. He’s protecting himself , looking out for himself and not considering the mother of his child. Will also create a financial, security and power imbalance

BlueMum16 · 07/04/2026 22:11

caringcarer · 07/04/2026 22:00

This exactly. Why would you expect to benefit from his early inheritance?

Show quote history

Agreed

BollyMolly · 07/04/2026 22:14

It’s fair. You’re not married and the gift is to him, from his family.

GoodkneeBadKnee · 07/04/2026 22:17

Perfectly fair and sensible.

TigTails · 07/04/2026 22:17

Completely fair, he’s being really sensible and doing the right thing.