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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP looking to protect gift towards house move

125 replies

Sunnydayzz · 07/04/2026 21:46

DP and I own our current house 50/50 (he contributes more to the Mortgage/bills as he’s full time and earns more).

We are looking to move house, and he has been told he will be gifted a sum of money as early inheritance. This will be used to enable us to upsize as we’ve had a child (no plans for more)

He says that he wants it to be documented that in the event of us splitting/selling up, this amount is solely his.

I feel a bit irked…do you think what he’s proposed is fair? And would it need to be legally documented or would something simpler suffice?

OP posts:
MyJustCat · 08/04/2026 00:25

Pilates is way harder than chairing a board meeting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2026 00:32

Why aren’t you married?

Enrichetta · 08/04/2026 00:40

How do you share expenses generally? Proportional to earnings or what?

However, going part-time without being married was not a smart move. What about pension contributions and other investments?

Suppose you split up after twenty or thirty years together - how will your finances compare?

VoiceFromThePit · 08/04/2026 00:42

Given that it’s only £30k I wouldn’t sweat about it.

But it’s pretty unattractive behaviour especially as it’s only £30k.

WeatherChanged · 08/04/2026 00:58

I think it’s fair and sensible. The money has come from his parents. If you split then the ‘family’ money will stay in the family and will benefit their son (and your child) . If you don’t split then it doesn’t matter. This wouldn’t bother me at all.

thecomedyofterrors · 08/04/2026 01:04

You’ve made the decision to be financially independent by not getting married. You’ve unfortunately take a much bigger hit by going part time. That has a far greater financial consequence to you being unmarried than the 50k deposit. You’re doubly screwed…

HatKat · 08/04/2026 01:52

100% fair coming from someone who has been screwed over in the past!

My current DP and father of my child (soon to be 2 children) has put a fair whack of a deposit down on a house for us to live in. When we signed solicitor papers, I was the one who said protect his deposit so that he has it back and so we signed with unequal shares - this is simply from me being screwed over by an ex partner many years ago so I know how it feels. It is the only way to keep things amicable should you ever split or anything drastic happens.

This isn't because I dont think we will stay together, but I have no financial interest in the deposit he pays. In hindsight, if anything ever did happen I always know my children will have a roof over their head in a property with their father.

I will contribute 50/50 to the mortgage payments, however the deposit is solely his.

Coming from someone who has experienced a toxic and difficult sale with an ex, it is definitely right to protect your money you put in.

We have no intention of separating but I didnt save 25k, he did. So why would I want to take that off him?! Hope this reassures you!

HoppityBun · 08/04/2026 02:59

He says that he wants it to be documented that in the event of us splitting/selling up, this amount is solely his. I feel a bit irked…do you think what he’s proposed is fair?

You haven’t said what you think is fair. Are you saying that if you split then you’d want half his money?

You absolutely must discuss and agree with each the basis on which you’re both financing your partnership. You each clearly have different expectations and it’s essential that you sort this out now. Yes it must be recorded by a solicitor and you should take separate advice.

FateAmenableToChange · 08/04/2026 03:25

Well the only response is 50/50 on everything. He needs to be doing his full share of house & childcare in every aspect. You need to be back to work and prioritising your career just as much as his, more actually as you need to catch up the time lost. You’ve been acting like you’re married & joint partners. But he is demonstrating you are not. You two entirely separate entities so don’t let him prioritise his career. That’s having your cake & eating it, and very selfish.

Zanatdy · 08/04/2026 03:26

Perfectly fine for him to this. You’re not married, and he has every right to protect what he is putting in.

Pinkflamingo10 · 08/04/2026 04:06

I think it’s complex as you’re not married.

Passaggressfedup · 08/04/2026 07:22

It's most likely a request from his parents. I know that that if I gifted £30k of hard earned savings to allow my Don and his partner to get a bigger house, I eoyld wish him to protected it too in case at some point she decided to exchange him for another model.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/04/2026 07:23

I think yabu to be irked by this. You’re not married, of course he (and you) should be protecting your financial interests. Get married if you want the protections that come with it.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 08/04/2026 07:39

So you're not married, when you both worked FT he out earned you 50k to 25k but split everything equally so in effect he had twice as much free money than you did, you've now had a child and gone p/t

you have much bigger worries than this 30k being ringfenced. Your career and your pension is taking a hit whilst his is not. I assume you are doing the vast majority of childcare and probably domestic work because your pt

you have left yourself very vulnerable here

GCAcademic · 08/04/2026 07:48

Theeyeballsinthesky · 08/04/2026 07:39

So you're not married, when you both worked FT he out earned you 50k to 25k but split everything equally so in effect he had twice as much free money than you did, you've now had a child and gone p/t

you have much bigger worries than this 30k being ringfenced. Your career and your pension is taking a hit whilst his is not. I assume you are doing the vast majority of childcare and probably domestic work because your pt

you have left yourself very vulnerable here

This. You need to be protecting your interests in the same way your DP is protecting his, OP.

Egglesseaster · 08/04/2026 07:50

He's just being sensible, you can't begrudge him that.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 08/04/2026 07:52

Seems fair to me, I have done the same thing TBH. The inheritance is from his family to him and eventually to his child or children. The parents giving the money wouldn’t want it, in the event of a split, going to his ex wife, her new partner, their further kids, etc. if no split, no problem.

What wouldn’t be fair would be if he had a larger share because of having higher income, whilst OP earns less due to childcare.

iamnotalemon · 08/04/2026 07:53

I don’t blame him at all. I would do the same.

Catcatcatcatcat · 08/04/2026 07:56

He is being sensible protecting his money.

You have put yourself in a potentially vulnerable position by reducing your hours and income without marriage.

I would focus on that.

notthatoldchestnut · 08/04/2026 07:56

Absolutely it’s fair! You’re not married. Why would he not want to protect what’s his?

you’re looking at a deed of trust. We had one too as when we bought our house, I put a large deposit down and DH (DP at the time) didn’t add anything.

we are since married, so I suppose it doesn’t matter now as it’s joint anyway. But if you’re not married then definitely he should sort a trust deed at the solicitors when you buy the next house

HarryVanderspeigle · 08/04/2026 08:07

Sounds like you were on a slightly above minimum wage job, so career impact doesn't seem as relevant here. Please tell me you are making additional pension payments though, as you dropping hours will make a big difference there. In his shoes I would do the same and protect the additional amount. If you want more money you need to go back to work and he needs to pay the fair share of childcare.

Blueunicornthistle · 08/04/2026 08:07

If I was gifting my son or daughter a substantial sum for a house and they weren’t married I would make the gift contingent on them protecting it legally.

If they were married I would gift it knowing that their spouse would be entitled to half.

OP you aren’t married, you don’t have any of the legal protections of marriage, regardless of the fact that you share a child.

Given you aren’t married, I would recommend that you go back to full time employment to protect yourself financially. That or get married.

Apart from anything else you need to build up a pension, you arent entitled to any of his.

Bringemout · 08/04/2026 08:08

Yeah I would too unless I was married with children.

PollyBell · 08/04/2026 08:11

If your parents gave you money would they be happy to hand it over to him?

I hope you don't think what is his money is our money and what is my money is my money?

Soontobe60 · 08/04/2026 08:18

You have 2 choices here. He keeps hold of his inheritance and you buy a house you can both afford, or he puts this amount into the house and you alter the % of how much each of you own. So if his £30k represents 10% of the cost of the new house, then he owns 60% of it and your share goes to 40%
Also, as you’re not married, I’d look at working FT and building up my pension if I were you.