DP looking to protect gift towards house move

[Sunnydayzz]

DP and I own our current house 50/50 (he contributes more to the Mortgage/bills as he’s full time and earns more).

We are looking to move house, and he has been told he will be gifted a sum of money as early inheritance. This will be used to enable us to upsize as we’ve had a child (no plans for more)

He says that he wants it to be documented that in the event of us splitting/selling up, this amount is solely his.

I feel a bit irked…do you think what he’s proposed is fair? And would it need to be legally documented or would something simpler suffice?

God this site is so anti women sometimes. So they have a child together, she takes the financial and career hit and it’s perfectly reasonable for the fathers life to remain unchanged - no impact to his career or financial prospects- no sharing of the wealth she will have enabled him to create. Yes this is a gift but it will be their home as a family. It would be perfectly fair if there were no shared children involved but there is. Op il afraid he doesn’t see you as his family. Time to focus on you and your career. Go back to work fulltime - share children and all the costs associated with it, you are on your own in this one and need to start looking after yourself as he sure as hell isn’t

It's only relevant if they split.

There will be no power imbalance - just a better house than they could afford without the inheritance

@Sunnydayzz how is your relationship generally? Is there reason to think you might break up, or that you’re not married? What is your fear?

Totally fine. Why do you want his inheritance?

I think it would be fair if they didn’t have a DC together.

@workshy46 If someone posted that her boyfriend felt he should get a share of her inheritance, the replies would be waving pitchforks.

It was OPs choice to reduce her earning and to not have the legal protection of marriage.

Instead of calling the unanimous replies 'anti women', consider if they are correct.
(Sorry, I didn't mean to tag you twice!)

He’s already addressing that by paying more towards their costs and still giving her 50% ownership.

They aren’t married. OP has chosen to have a child without the protection of marriage so she won’t ever get more than 50% and he should protect his inheritance.

Will you inherit anything in the future? If so, agree but say you will want to protect any future inheritance you may receive …

I've seen too many friends and acquaintances who have bought a house outright, got married and then split and ended up with mortgages in their 50s and 60s not to think this is a very sensible idea.

I know you are not married, but it's a gift from his family to him, not to you both as a couple. Nobody goes into a relationship expecting it to fail, but they can and do. The remainder of the house unprotected from his deposit would still be split 50/50 so you'd both still benefit from increased value and you'd each get your share of the equity if you did split or sold and you'd be able to buy a nicer house as a result of the larger deposit.

I wish I'd protected the deposit I put into the house I bought with my then ex-p (now ex-h), as I'd have been able to walk away from my marriage with much more to put down on a house on my own after I put down all our deposit and used all my savings to do repairs, improvements etc whilst he only paid 50% of the mortgage.

You decided to have a child while unmarried, it seems sensible that both continue to operate independently financially until you do get married.

I think it's sensible.
If I received an inheritance that I was putting into a new house purchase, I would protect that money and we've been together 25 years and have two ( now adult ) children. If that makes you feel better. I'd fully expect dp to do the same. There are no certainties in life.

This sort of thing esp with first children and marriages makes my heart shrivel. I couldn't be with someone like this .

He must feel your relationship isn't sound and that the deep life time commitment of having a child isn't enough.

Howeevr being brutal as a pp said this is the consequence of having a child and not being married.

And the irony is this very behaviour sows the seeds of distrust.

Yes but it is v rare that it is a man’s life and career that is impacted by children. Women are always the ones left holding the baby so to speak with the dad doing at best every second weekend making it that much harder for the women to advance their career as they invariably have to do all the practical and mental load of child rearing.

Sharing parenting is something parents arrange between them. It doesn't mean a girlfriend or boyfriend is entitled to anyone's personal inheritance.
The man's kid and OP will benefit from the use of the inheritance on a property.

And she only takes the “hit” if she chooses too..
the other option of being a SAHP is both stay working full time and pay for childcare.

It's perfectly fair and exactly what I would do.

If I gifted money to my children I would also want it to remain theirs and not be up for grabs if they split up with someone.

His financial security is also his child’s financial security, by the same token.

If OP feels she’s made vulnerable by this, then she can presumably choose to return to work full time, and/or look for ways to maximize her own income.

Lol. He’s doing the very thing women in his position are advised to do, with or without children.

My husband and I each have separate assets that the other cannot access or claim, as well as ones held jointly. We absolutely see each other as family, and do not anticipate splitting up. The idea that everything must be ‘all in’ doesn’t suit everyone (and not does it need to, for that matter), and someone not subscribing to it doesn’t mean that they’re not committed to their relationship.

Same as all the women who want to maintain their financial independence/career in case it doesn't work out, right?

Many moons ago DH cashed in his trust fund that he had inherited as 100% of the deposit on our first house before we were married. FIL recommended to DH at the time that he ring fenced his deposit. I didn’t mind as it was his money, not mine.

In the end we didn’t bother as DH wasn’t fussed and he knew he was going to propose to me.

I couldn’t get too worked up about this. It’s just sensible financial planning for the worst.

Yeah but it seems when the female partner does it she’s being financially astute and savvy.
when the male does it it’s abuse!

This is the downside of not getting married and having a child

the chances of you getting married now are low

Your partner is protecting his Interest and wealth in the house
he won’t benefit from getting married to you in case you divorce and walk away with 50
percent or more

he’s got what he wants and in my experience he won’t budge from this mindset

of course you might not want to get married but doing it the way you have means it’s less likely especially as he is protecting his wealth
exactly in the same way that you be told to protect your wealth

He is well aware of what might happen if he doesn’t protect his deposit and you split up

Financially he is absolutely doing the right thing for him

Fair and sensible

@previouslyknownas is spot on, so how are you going to protect yourself and your finances OP?