DP looking to protect gift towards house move

[Sunnydayzz]

DP and I own our current house 50/50 (he contributes more to the Mortgage/bills as he’s full time and earns more).

We are looking to move house, and he has been told he will be gifted a sum of money as early inheritance. This will be used to enable us to upsize as we’ve had a child (no plans for more)

He says that he wants it to be documented that in the event of us splitting/selling up, this amount is solely his.

I feel a bit irked…do you think what he’s proposed is fair? And would it need to be legally documented or would something simpler suffice?

she takes the financial and career hit

Or does she get to enjoy a standard of living she'd never normally be able to afford working part time in a £25k pro rata job? 🤔 Living in a nice house while earning close to minimum wage.

Is this coming from him or the gifter?

I believe the official term is an 'escape plan'. 😉

She earned half his salary full time, so her career was already on a different track pre-kids. She can choose to return full time, retrain or progress there’s no reason why their earnings can’t even out over time. They aren’t married so in his shoes I’d be protecting my inheritance and in her shoes I’d be protecting my earning power.

My son herited money from his grandfather, both myself, and his dad helped him purchase his first property with his girlfriend of 7 years. She out no money in and paid nothing towards costs. We suggested he ring fence his inheritance and his gift, he said he trusted her (stupid). They split just under a year ago, she went to a solicitor and received half of the asset after the mortgage. Greedy, selfish, and not hers, however, sadly, the law allows greedy people to gain, if not protected from the herited money and gifts of others. I don't blame your husband, who knows what tomorrow brings.

Pretty much all the people I know that have kids before getting married - don’t get married

my friends daughter is living with her DP
they have a house
have 3 year old and has just had another baby
works part time in a professional job

her partner made it clear he won’t marry her even before they had kids as he put down around 80k deposit

so really the decision to have children knowing that marriage isn’t an option is completely her decision

And yet the male suicide rate is 4x ours and charities say the most common stress factors for men are financial stress and 'fear of not being able to provide for their family'.

I think that would probs qualify as mental load too.

Not necessarily. He may have every intention of staying with OP, but know that 46% of couples seperate, so with the best will in the world, its by no means guaranteed. He can't know that OP wouldn't leave him.

Most marriages end in divorce, sensible to protect your own inheritance within that context

Of course he should protect his inheritance. It's risky enough buying a house with someone you are not related to.

I think it's ok I guess but if you went part-time to take care of your child then he should pay you for his half of the childcare that you are doing. You are essentially independent financial entities so why should you do his half of the daytime childcare for free? Also, your future earnings will be negatively impacted by going part-time as your progress up the career ladder will be slowed, so if you went part-time to care for the baby, that opportunity cost that you bore should ALSO be reflected in payments from him to you.

I think if you suggest this and he gets upset then that will show you whether he is trustworthy or just sees you as being worth less because mummies are supposed to do things out of love (men don't have to, they can do things for money) and are supposed to live on air and fairy dust.

DP and I own our current house 50/50 (he contributes more to the Mortgage/bills as he’s full time and earns more).

So it sounds like you work less hours and your career has taken a back seat to his because of your DC ... you're not married ... you have no protection here in the event of a split. Now, on top of it, he wants you to take on a bigger home commitment because he's come into even more money, and plans to ringfence that as well while you pay out more because he wants to live in a bigger, more expensive home? That you'll be paying out more of your lesser income on towards bills, etc

Why aren't you married?

And if you plan to stay unmarried, why isn't he paying you for your taking step back in your career and income ... some kind of retirement savings plan for you to make up for it all while he works full time and socks money and now an investment in a more expensive house away?

He already pays more than you do why are you after his inheritance as well?

If he insists on an agreement have some clauses, if he has an affair the agreement is null and void, and if you are together in 10 years it times out.

So how would her quality of life compare as a single person if she went back to full time in her £25k job?

People always assume there is a 'career' at stake. Maybe she works in Lidl.

Think he is right. We gave our so sons a large some towards their deposits. They are single but we have told them that they need to protect their early inheritance if they start to share their finances.

Is that not a career? Lidl is generally a good employer.

She'd be entitled to free childcare, benefit top ups and child maintenance. And have a better pension from going full time. Might even start re-training in her role and start moving up and making more money.

I think that's a better position that her risking him walking away 10, 15 years down the line, after saving nothing extra, still part time, still no career progression, no improved pension, not nearly as much equity in the 'family' home as her 'd'P, after years of sacrificing all that for HIS career, HIS income, HIS wanting to live in a bigger, more expensive home while she picked up a higher share of the costs for that than she's currently paying ...

Maybe she does! But only part time. Lidl pays cashiers pretty well compared to other supermarkets. And maybe she could apply for their management program if she does; they do really well!

I think it's fair. He doesn't want to be taken to the cleaners if you split up.,

That’s only 15k each, really not enough to be irked about. Let him have it. You’ll benefit from the house value increasing over time anyway because of his 30k contribution.

yeh this is the discrepancy. You have made a decision that affects your earnings prospects for the sake of your joint child but he isn’t also going all in by marrying you.

I think it's fair and I would advise anyone in his position to do the same

Tbh, it's an odd perspective to me that people would expect to be able to go part time and not risk their career stalling. I mean, if the kids left home a decade ago what excuse is there really?

(not talking about OP specifically but the many other women who suffer the hardship of a pilates class while their husband chairs a board meeting).