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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Update to AIBU to refuse Aunt's fwb claim on her estate.

454 replies

Sleepneededprettyplease · 07/04/2026 17:52

Posting here because it is where I put the first thread.

A brief summery is that my Aunt died and her FWB is trying to say that he is entitled to part of her estate because she had asked me to allow him to stay in a house she had invested in for me. Anyway if you want the full story feel free to read what I put on the first thread.

Anyway the main thing is that he is now sueing in the courts. I need a bit of a hand hold please. My lawyers have suggested getting a barristers opinion so I am just waiting for that. I wouldn't even mind if it was possible to just go to mediation but he wants the house for the rest of his life and won't consider anything else.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5505433-aibu-to-refuse-aunts-fwb-claim-on-her-estate?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

OP posts:
Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:34

DontEatTheMushies · 28/05/2026 10:01

Just come across this - and I admit I have only read OPs posts.

What a situation. My OH friend had a similar situation - with is fathers gf after he died. They were only together like a year, and about 6months before he passed she and her kid (not the mans) moved in. He died quickly from Asbestosis. She laid claim to the house - and cos she had the kid she got it (despite the kid now being his!!). And the sons had to pay her legal costs. This was in Scotland.

Absolutely appalling.

No children. The chap is 86.

He has 7 from previous relationships but my Aunt was over 80 when they reconnected.

OP posts:
Triskellion75 · 28/05/2026 12:43

DrMickhead · 28/05/2026 01:10

may I suggest you just ask the angry, menopausal/perimenopausal women who are too hot and bothered for this level of audacity right now to simply go the address and turn it into a scene from the handmaids tail? I think we’d have him scarpering like the vermin he is pretty quickly.

Count me in!

Liberancho · 28/05/2026 12:51

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:34

No children. The chap is 86.

He has 7 from previous relationships but my Aunt was over 80 when they reconnected.

A low life grifter who is still at it at 86. Let's hope his end is nigh.

His lack of shame is astounding and I imagine this influences his levels of delusion too.

Terrible for you in the meantime though OP. Reading this, as well as your previous thread, has made me very angry.

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:57

Liberancho · 28/05/2026 12:51

A low life grifter who is still at it at 86. Let's hope his end is nigh.

His lack of shame is astounding and I imagine this influences his levels of delusion too.

Terrible for you in the meantime though OP. Reading this, as well as your previous thread, has made me very angry.

Thank you. I think that I am past anger. I am just resigned.

OP posts:
PinkEasterbunny · 28/05/2026 13:02

Great news about the IVF, OP

NoctuaAthene · 28/05/2026 13:04

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 11:52

OP has said a few times that she thinks this is some kind of a friend of a friend.

Some people have charisma to spin a hard luck story that overrides objective professional judgement!

Just popping on to say this is absolutely correct. The people who think that no solicitor would ever encourage or assist someone to pursue an obviously futile claim are sadly naive and mistaken. Yes there are ethical codes meaning they can't actively mislead the court or lie to their client but there's a very big margin between that and writing some letters or submitting a claim that may not be strictly arguable or have a very low chance of success. And the same goes for the happy assumption that if OP is clearly on the right side of the law (according to MN verdict anyway) she can simply either take the law into her own hands and assert her rights by booting the man out of the house, sending him a bill for rent and/or that the court will swiftly and efficiently strike out the misconceived or vexatious claim without OP having to shell out for her own solicitors and legal advice - I wouldn't want to live in the world where the former is true i.e. people are allowed to act first and legally prove they were correct later, if the latter was true it would be great but that would require a well resourced and efficient modern lower tier court and tribunal system which tax payers seemingly are in no way prepared to fund...

I work in the HR/employment law field and it's incredibly common to receive letters and/or ET1 claims from solicitors for things that are totally and obviously misplaced/misconceived (e.g. unfair dismissal claims when the person doesn't have the requisite service), badly drafted (often obviously with the dubious assistance of ChatGPT), lacking particulars or vital information - just rubbish that isn't worth the paper really. But that doesn't absolve the employer of the requirement to respond and answer the case all the way through the various tiers of the court if necessary, all of which costs time, money and stress, no matter how clear cut the victory at the end is (and before you ask no it usually isn't possible to recover costs from the losing party no matter how badly they ran their case).

The solicitors that engage in this kind of thing tend to fall into two camps, one is the 'shark' firms who will happily charge a client a couple of hundred quid to send any old rambling toilet paper of a threatening letter to their (former) employer without bothering to advise them properly as to their actual prospects, sometimes this will spook the employer into coughing up a bit of cash, sometimes not but they still get paid by their client either way. Or, in some ways more dangerous, the 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' brigade, the friend of a friend or second cousin who took a law degree a decade ago or who practices in a totally different area of the law, who will aid and abet the aggrieved complainant all the way through a lengthy and ultimately futile process with bad advice and poor quality submissions - dangerous because while the sharks can usually be put off by either a robust and aggressive rebuttal or shelling out a modest sum to make them go away, the passionately misinformed party usually wants (perceived) justice to be done and won't settle for less than what they believe to be their full due, however unlikely that is to be delivered by the law... I wouldn't be surprised if the OP's chap and his solicitor are one of these and there's really nothing to be done but pay up for some good legal advice and then wait for the sloooowww machinery of the law to turn and do it's thing...

FrizzyFrizbee · 28/05/2026 13:29

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:34

No children. The chap is 86.

He has 7 from previous relationships but my Aunt was over 80 when they reconnected.

Does he have form for doing things like this? Who initiated the contact, him or your Aunt? Did he plot it? Can any of this be checked? How did he rock up in Aunt’s life after all these years? Has he been swindling others out of inheritance? Where has he got his money from to take you to court? Can the judge be asked to lift the veil on HIS finances, and whether he actually owns or has owned and sold other properties and who they belonged to versus who was on the original will? Can you do further digging yourself about this man? Is a solicitor allowed to ask for search on the Land Registry with regard to property he has been linked with previously? Did your Aunt know anyone else who may know more about this man, his other ‘old flames’?

FrizzyFrizbee · 28/05/2026 13:35

@Sleepneededprettyplease
You never know what you might find out about him , maybe nothing, maybe not but worth checking? Point is, where has he got his money from, and is he, would he tell the court the truth about his situation, or he be caught out lying? He seems to be a real schemer, and not especially honest either
www.gov.uk/government/publications/proprieters-names-search-of-the-index-pn1

BunnyLake · 28/05/2026 13:44

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 12:30

No because he never paid any. Even the nominal amount he was meant to.

That will probably make his case weaker. This guy had to show proof of his rent (before everything was electronic). He had a rent book the landlady signed off each month. Good luck though, it must be stressful for you as he doesn’t want a settlement.

Sorry I may have missed it but has the house completed probate.

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 13:52

Sorry I may have missed it but has the house completed probate.

The OP is the legal owner of the house.

The aunt continued to have use of the house after buying it in OP's name, so it is a gift with reservations, and hence counted for IHT purposes.

OVienna · 28/05/2026 13:53

OP
If the court date gets moved again, would you consider enforcing?

I am just a bit concerned at the timings of proceedings and the significant delays there are currently.

Might be better in this case just to get him out, especially if the date is moved very far into the future.

I wonder what your lawyers would say to that?

WallaceinAnderland · 28/05/2026 13:54

Yes, the house didn't even belong to the aunt, it's OP's house (and her sister's)

OVienna · 28/05/2026 13:55

FrizzyFrizbee · 28/05/2026 13:35

@Sleepneededprettyplease
You never know what you might find out about him , maybe nothing, maybe not but worth checking? Point is, where has he got his money from, and is he, would he tell the court the truth about his situation, or he be caught out lying? He seems to be a real schemer, and not especially honest either
www.gov.uk/government/publications/proprieters-names-search-of-the-index-pn1

This is not for individuals, just companies that own property. Unfortunately.

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 14:00

FrizzyFrizbee · 28/05/2026 13:35

@Sleepneededprettyplease
You never know what you might find out about him , maybe nothing, maybe not but worth checking? Point is, where has he got his money from, and is he, would he tell the court the truth about his situation, or he be caught out lying? He seems to be a real schemer, and not especially honest either
www.gov.uk/government/publications/proprieters-names-search-of-the-index-pn1

He has done a financial disclosure and OP says he doesn't have any money.

As he is 86, he may well be looking to spin out the case until he dies/goes into a (council-funded) care home place.

Northermcharn · 28/05/2026 14:25

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 10:25

Not necessary. I have a court order for possession but I just have to be careful so that I don't make things harder in the court case where he is trying to challenge her will.

Ok. Just remember the lawyers are making money from everybody. They are not altruistic.

BotterMon · 28/05/2026 14:40

Best of luck OP; both with the CF and the IVF. Gosh so many mnemonics!

diddl · 28/05/2026 14:54

It's probably been asked & answered but where was he living before this?

Did he need somewhere to live or just saw an opportunity to pay no rent for a while?

Tabarnak · 28/05/2026 15:06

What benefits did your aunt retain once she gave you the house? Was it just using it as a holiday home?
There seems to be an important fact that YOU allowed him to live there and she had to ask your permission, rather than your aunt offering it to him as 'her share' of whatever benefits she was retaining.

It isn't 'a house your aunt bought in your name' - she bought you or gave you a house.
It isn't 'technically' your house - it's your house.

The whys and wherefores as to how it was bought are irrelevant.

It's a truly horrible situation OP, and a shocking reminder as to just how badly people behave once someone has died.

Not just nasty freeloading grifters like him, but family men, the men who will inherit everything in a mirror will 'but can be trusted to pass everything on to the kids'. Oh no he can't. I could tell you some absolute horror stories of lovely husbands, great Dads, who let a deceased wife's assets slide into a new woman's grasp and then on to her own kids. They don't mean to be like this...but it happens, Again and again. People need to be so watertight in the way things are set up.

Good luck with all this OP, so disheartening.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 28/05/2026 15:50

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 14:00

He has done a financial disclosure and OP says he doesn't have any money.

As he is 86, he may well be looking to spin out the case until he dies/goes into a (council-funded) care home place.

This is what I suspect. He's hoping to drag it out (and therefore live rent free) until he dies. Or that the court will feel so sorry for the 'poor old man' that they find in his favour in the expectation that he will be gone in a few months. He could go on for another ten years or more!

AcrossthePond55 · 28/05/2026 16:00

@Sleepneededprettyplease

Speaking of legal bills and just out of curiosity, is your solicitor petitioning for him to pay your legal costs if his suit fails? If not, may be something to ask them about &/or the reason why not.

It's pretty common here, especially in what appear to be frivolous lawsuits.

SheilaFentiman · 28/05/2026 16:00

It might cast a new light on the solicitor support as well: "oh go on, honey, pleeease can you help Great Uncle Fred not get thrown out of his house, I know you think it's a crap case but it's worth a try..."

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 28/05/2026 16:09

Liberancho · 28/05/2026 12:51

A low life grifter who is still at it at 86. Let's hope his end is nigh.

His lack of shame is astounding and I imagine this influences his levels of delusion too.

Terrible for you in the meantime though OP. Reading this, as well as your previous thread, has made me very angry.

He could well live into his 90s.

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 16:17

NoctuaAthene · 28/05/2026 13:04

Just popping on to say this is absolutely correct. The people who think that no solicitor would ever encourage or assist someone to pursue an obviously futile claim are sadly naive and mistaken. Yes there are ethical codes meaning they can't actively mislead the court or lie to their client but there's a very big margin between that and writing some letters or submitting a claim that may not be strictly arguable or have a very low chance of success. And the same goes for the happy assumption that if OP is clearly on the right side of the law (according to MN verdict anyway) she can simply either take the law into her own hands and assert her rights by booting the man out of the house, sending him a bill for rent and/or that the court will swiftly and efficiently strike out the misconceived or vexatious claim without OP having to shell out for her own solicitors and legal advice - I wouldn't want to live in the world where the former is true i.e. people are allowed to act first and legally prove they were correct later, if the latter was true it would be great but that would require a well resourced and efficient modern lower tier court and tribunal system which tax payers seemingly are in no way prepared to fund...

I work in the HR/employment law field and it's incredibly common to receive letters and/or ET1 claims from solicitors for things that are totally and obviously misplaced/misconceived (e.g. unfair dismissal claims when the person doesn't have the requisite service), badly drafted (often obviously with the dubious assistance of ChatGPT), lacking particulars or vital information - just rubbish that isn't worth the paper really. But that doesn't absolve the employer of the requirement to respond and answer the case all the way through the various tiers of the court if necessary, all of which costs time, money and stress, no matter how clear cut the victory at the end is (and before you ask no it usually isn't possible to recover costs from the losing party no matter how badly they ran their case).

The solicitors that engage in this kind of thing tend to fall into two camps, one is the 'shark' firms who will happily charge a client a couple of hundred quid to send any old rambling toilet paper of a threatening letter to their (former) employer without bothering to advise them properly as to their actual prospects, sometimes this will spook the employer into coughing up a bit of cash, sometimes not but they still get paid by their client either way. Or, in some ways more dangerous, the 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' brigade, the friend of a friend or second cousin who took a law degree a decade ago or who practices in a totally different area of the law, who will aid and abet the aggrieved complainant all the way through a lengthy and ultimately futile process with bad advice and poor quality submissions - dangerous because while the sharks can usually be put off by either a robust and aggressive rebuttal or shelling out a modest sum to make them go away, the passionately misinformed party usually wants (perceived) justice to be done and won't settle for less than what they believe to be their full due, however unlikely that is to be delivered by the law... I wouldn't be surprised if the OP's chap and his solicitor are one of these and there's really nothing to be done but pay up for some good legal advice and then wait for the sloooowww machinery of the law to turn and do it's thing...

I had come to the conclusion that my best chance was to just follow legal advice and let it grind through. If they seem willing to negotiate then great but he cannot have the house.

OP posts:
Manxexile · 28/05/2026 16:20

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 08:54

I don't know how he has found this solicitor. I half think it might be a friend of a friend thing. I also don't know how he is paying. It is one of the aspects that worries me

You said earlier that he had some kind of "deferred fee" arrangement.

I'm not sure what you mean - is it some kind of "no win, no fee" or conditional fee agreement?

What would surprise me is that "no win, no fee" solicitors or those offering a conditional fee agreement will usually only do so if they are virtually certain of winning. Because if they don't win they won't get paid for the work they've done.

WallaceinAnderland · 28/05/2026 16:21

Sleepneededprettyplease · 28/05/2026 16:17

I had come to the conclusion that my best chance was to just follow legal advice and let it grind through. If they seem willing to negotiate then great but he cannot have the house.

Don't give him any cash either. You already offered that and he declined.

What he has done instead is cause an expensive legal battle and I don't think a judge would deem it reasonable for him to now want a financial settlement.

In effect, that would just be you paying his legal costs.