AIBU to ask for more than 50/50 split in divorce?

[ThisHazelCritic]

My husband left Sunday evening, things had been rocky for a few years and I couldn't tell him I loved him when asked so he packed some bags and left. I'm 38, he's 48. We've been married 12 years and have no kids.

He earns significantly more than me, 6 figures, about 4 times what I do. House is in both our names and we paid into a joint account so mortgage payments were split. I have around £20k inheritance in a joint savings pot which he transferred half to his own private account the night he left, despite saying if we ever split I'd keep this if I didn't touch his pension which is quite significant. He's also now saying he'll only contact me through a solicitor. We should make around £100k in the house sale. I was happy to split this down the middle, but now he's taken half of the inheritance, I'm wondering if I should push for more? Am I likely to get more considering this was in a joint savings and would still leave me around £60k post divorce....

Ask for 50:50 of everything including pensions. You agreed not to touch his pension if he didn't touch your inheritance. He went back on that at the first opportunity. Getting what you are entitled to isn't greed besides its fair game now.

definitely go for half pension-you were married for over a decade

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreamsFair game has nothing to do with it. All marital assets are in the pot to be divided. So house equity (12 years isn’t a short marriage so deposit won’t matter), all pensions and all other savings or expensive cars. Op should ensure any jewellery is not available for him to take. The inheritance should be mentioned to the solicitor. It’s a bit of a grey area.

I completely agree. However, the OP seems minded to just take her £20k and 50% of the equity ignoring that she has paid equally into the house mortgage and stumped up a significant lump sum in the first place to buy the place. This is not the time to accept the position that it is unfair to lay claim to his pension. I'm simply pointing out that including it in the overall pot for calculation will lead to a fairer outcome for her because I highly doubt she protected the value of the deposit.

I'm a firm believer of 50/50 if you have children but each for themselves without.

He's made the decision to earn a lot and it's not at the detriment of his wife. Why should she have her cake and eat it? Otherwise, single women would marry then just divorce a year later. Let's not forgot this was not his decision to split

Doesn't matter whose decision it was to split. Both parties are entitled to fair share when married. Having no children genuinely just makes it easier to assess what that fair share is. It doesn't matter what you, nor I nor any other Joe Soap thinks... there is a judicial system in place for exactly this reason.

Also, often times the woman is the higher earner.

Because when you get married, marital law applies, no matter what your personal and moral views are.

So the whole deposit for your house came from you? Did you ring fence that?

If not, then you definitely need to go hard for half the pension.

You need a really good lawyer. S/he could argue for you re the deposit out down.

Also it's generally very frowned upon to take money out of a joint account before the financial settlement, so he hasn't helped himself there either.

Good luck OP.

As no DC you will likely get 50/50 of equity from sale of house. As he's taken half your inheritance you clearly had put it in a joint account. That was a big mistake as to keep it I think you have to put it into a separate account in your own name. You can ask to pension share. You should get 50 percent of joint pensions. If he's a high earner that should more than make up for £10k inheritance.

@Ally886 This is a 12 year marriage! The general rules are that the assets from within the marriage are shared. One year married, you would probably get what you went in with. Completely different. I’d also say op needs to ask about her earlier deposit. I did think it might be irrelevant but if it was hers before the marriage, it might not be. A good solicitor will know what happens to assets accrued before marriage. However it’s been used during the marriage so I’m not sure about it.

There are no prizes, medals or special awards given to women who walk away with less than they are entitled to, especially if it leaves them unable to house themselves.

Just a thought.

I think he’s entitled to more than 50% for a wife who won’t say she loves him. 😂

If marital law applies, how come all divorces are different?

Fortunately I'm well aware of what does and doesn't happen within divorce and it can be as simple as one party being a bit of an idiot that can swing the outcome

This is bollocks. I got 50% of everything, including my ex husband's pension. We divorced when I was 40 and he was 48, married for 15 years.

Pensions are marital assets. Please don't allow yourself to be persuaded otherwise. They are are really important and something many women don't include in divorces.

Because maritial laws have many aspects. Marriages have many aspects. Some have pre-marital assets, some people have contracts to ringfence equity in houses, some have children, some spouses have disabilities or other reasons for less earning power etc.

The laws exist to distribute the wealth as fairly as possible.

I’d go for all the equity and say you’ll leave his pension alone (depending on its value) men absolutely hate sharing their pension even though the OP is entitled to some of it.

So what? Maybe he behaved awfully which is why she fell out of love with him?

They've been married since she was 26 and he was 36. I wonder how old she was when they got together.

The law protects peoples assets as much as possible in short marriages also so getting married and divorcing after a year to try to get your partners assets would be pointless.

The starting point is 50/50. There is no reason for either of them to get more so it's very likely that this will be the agreed split of all marital assets.

YANBU go for half of his pension half of everything when he’s being a massive CF taking half of your inheritance when he said he wouldn’t. Get yourself the best solicitor you can afford and go through everything with them they will give you the best advice. Good luck with it all.

12 years which she is ending basically. She fell out of love and he knows it. So instead of staying with someone who doesn't love him he left. She ends it and then goes after his pension? It is greedy. Also sounds like she stayed cause he makes more money otherwise she would have ended it.

Go for 50% inc pension.

My ex husband shat himself when he realised I was entitled to half of his pension and suddenly became very co-operative about the division of other assets.

@TwinkylightsgIt’s the recognised process that all assets are in the pot for division. They are married. It’s nothing to do with greed. The judge decides what’s fair if they cannot agree. But - she’s not going after his pension. She might not get 50% as he’s older and needs it sooner but it cannot be discounted.

For all you know she could have desperately wanted the marriage to work and tried her best but his actions/behaviour made her fall out of love.

And no it doesn't sound like that at all, she said he's absolutely terrible with money, OP was the one who paid for their house deposit and he contributed nothing to it.

Also who stayed and why they stayed is irrelevant, divorces are no fault.

Why is it? They are married. It doesn't matter if there are no kids.

Sounds like she's used her inheritance for the financial good of them both, he should give her what she is due, if a judge seems it acceptable then that's that. If he didn't want to share his pension he shouldn't have got married.