AIBU to ask for more than 50/50 split in divorce?

[ThisHazelCritic]

My husband left Sunday evening, things had been rocky for a few years and I couldn't tell him I loved him when asked so he packed some bags and left. I'm 38, he's 48. We've been married 12 years and have no kids.

He earns significantly more than me, 6 figures, about 4 times what I do. House is in both our names and we paid into a joint account so mortgage payments were split. I have around £20k inheritance in a joint savings pot which he transferred half to his own private account the night he left, despite saying if we ever split I'd keep this if I didn't touch his pension which is quite significant. He's also now saying he'll only contact me through a solicitor. We should make around £100k in the house sale. I was happy to split this down the middle, but now he's taken half of the inheritance, I'm wondering if I should push for more? Am I likely to get more considering this was in a joint savings and would still leave me around £60k post divorce....

People are missing the point that the inheritance is ‘only’ 20k. Of course he shouldn’t have touched it , but half house equity plus the 20k back is fair.

op can of course spend tens of thousands fighting for more than 50% or for his pension when there’s no solid basis to it and he will do the same.

op has not been disadvantaged at all. And threads like these are why I’ve told my children to never ever marry

50% of all assets - house, savings, pensions etc. Total worth minus debts then split down the middle. It’s not grabby, it’s common sense. Any pension you have will be counted too. If he want to keep his pension he may offer more cash value from house. Get a solicitor.

Half of marital assets is fair. Good luck OP x

OP won't have to fight for the pensions to be included in the settlement. Both of their pensions are marital assets.

Don’t waste your money and accept 50/50. My ex tried for 70% even though he earned more but we paid equally into the mortgage and all bills. It cost me £42 000 legal fees to receive 50%. I could have saved so much money if he’d agreed to 50/50 from the start instead of being greedy.

There's only one answer to this - take legal advice. You get a mix of good advice, bad advice and personal opinions here.
If there is any of your money that he can still access get it moved to a sole account now.

A judge will never look favourably on people who clear out accounts before divorce, he will likely have to pay that back. Either way it will be counted in the marital pot on divorce.

He also presumably has savings? That you would be entitled to half of?

Don't you think the husband is greedy to have taken £10k out of a joint account from an inheritance OP received? Particularly when her previous inheritance paid their house deposit. Both were willing to trade the pension for the inheritance, he's the one who changed this.

Ok, so the situation is complicated and you need to get proper legal advice about what you are entitled to - not rely on strangers on the Internet 🙂.

Taking half the money out of your joint savings account was a dick move (probably because he thought you would take it all if he didn't). I think you should put the other £10k into an account in your name.

Also, I suspect he will try to hide some of his assets, so have a look round, see if you can find any evidence of other bank or savings accounts in his name only.
Don't forget that even though he has moved money into an account in his name, that account is still a matrimonial asset and you have a claim to 50% of it.

And yes, as others have said, go after his pension (but don't forget he can also go for 50% of yours)

You won’t get 50% of the pension - anyone telling you that is utterly deluded given you have almost 30 working years ahead of you and should already have made provision before and during your 12 year marriage.

You would need to demonstrate financial disadvantage which doesn’t appear to be the case in general. Also, without children / dependents pensions are less relevant in the mix.

I agree, him taking some of your inheritance is poor … but those are marital assets, in the same way people are telling you pensions are. You’ll quickly jointly burn your way through thousands of pounds trying to prove a point and the only ones happy will be solicitors.

Mediation and agreeing a financial clean break is the best approach here.

That's a wild assumption though isn't it.
Even though the OP has clearly stated House is in both our names and we paid into a joint account so mortgage payments were split

Just because you didn't bother going after your legal entitlement... doesn't mean others shouldn't.

Also this isn't about gender. I earn significantly more (4x) my DH.... If we ever split he'd be entitled to half my pension up to the point of seperation. I knew this when I married him. If it wasn't put into my pension it would have been either spent during the course of our marriage or saved separately and that savings pot (just like the OPs inheritance) would have to have been split.

Let him keep the £10k. The pension Pot is much more valuable. I’d absolutely want my half of that rather than £10k now.

You could negotiate repayment of it AND more equity when the house sells in exchange for the pension, but I still wouldn’t do that (unless once everything is worked out, they have about the same value).

You need proper legal advice to understand the full value of it all, don’t agree to anything until you have that.

You don't understand the legal ramifications of marriage.

Why didn’t you put the inheritance in your own account?

@ThisHazelCritic please ignore all the morality police advice on this thread. These people are clueless. He's made clear he will rip you off as much as possible. Get a good solicitor and aim for 50% of all marital assets. Obviously this includes his pension pot. The man's an idiot. If he offers you your £10k back in exchange for a legal agreement not to touch his pension, just tell him it's all going through your solicitor now.

It's part and parcel of divorce

All assets are to be split regardless of who feels what is or is not fair

Where's your scorn for OPs husband? He's on 150k a year and he took half of her inheritance, her previous inheritance went on the house deposit which he didn't contribute to and he felt entitled to take 10k from her when he moved out too?

You should go for 50% of all assets including pension, cars, savings, investments…

She will be entitled to 50% of the pension pot at the date of seperation... so the 30years ahead for the OP don't count because he also has 20 years ahead of working life that only he will benefit from. Also, if she has a pension it will be offset against whatever she is owed from his.

She only needs to demonstrate fianncial disadvantage if going for more than 50%.

A pension accrued during the marriage is a marital asset in the same way any savings or equity in the house are.

I think you’ll struggle to get more than 50% with no kids.

Get a solicitor. But also consider if either of you digs in the solicitor costs could end up significantly reducing any settlement. Sometimes it is better to accept slightly less to avoid the solicitor taking their substantial cut.

I know a few women who have lost out by digging their heels in, they did ‘win’ in the end but the gain was eaten up in solicitor costs.

Definitely go for 50 per cent including the pension. It’s a marital asset - and if it were your pension he would be claiming half of it, I bet.

Amazing how she's more worried about him losing more. Like OP should suck up the 10k loss because it wouldn't be fair for him to lose more 😂
He's on 150k, he could easily save 10k if he put his mind to it, a lot more easily than OP could on her wage, yet he decided to just take hers.

Yes, a pension accrued during the marriage is considered part of the marital assets, but that’s not the same as being entitled to 50% of the pot at the date of separation, as pension accrued prior to marriage will need to be removed from the calculation in most cases.

Really the only good advice in this situation is to engage a solicitor who deals in divorce cases. They will be able to advise re the inheritance removed, the payment of the house deposit, the pension, and everything else.

How long were you together before you got married @ThisHazelCritic ?