AIBU to ask for more than 50/50 split in divorce?

[ThisHazelCritic]

My husband left Sunday evening, things had been rocky for a few years and I couldn't tell him I loved him when asked so he packed some bags and left. I'm 38, he's 48. We've been married 12 years and have no kids.

He earns significantly more than me, 6 figures, about 4 times what I do. House is in both our names and we paid into a joint account so mortgage payments were split. I have around £20k inheritance in a joint savings pot which he transferred half to his own private account the night he left, despite saying if we ever split I'd keep this if I didn't touch his pension which is quite significant. He's also now saying he'll only contact me through a solicitor. We should make around £100k in the house sale. I was happy to split this down the middle, but now he's taken half of the inheritance, I'm wondering if I should push for more? Am I likely to get more considering this was in a joint savings and would still leave me around £60k post divorce....

Why does she need to seek a better paid job? If 150,000 is about four times what she earns then she could be earning 37,000 which is perfectly respectable.

What about the 10k?

People can be very weird about pensions on here, as if it's special sacred money that doesn't count somehow.

Given there are no children & you haven't financially sacrificed for the marriage (did you move somewhere for his career for example) then no, more than 50% isn't fair.

BUT - you should note how much of your capital (from your inheritance) went into property etc - if he didn't make up this amount, then that should be noted. You might get more of his pension, for example.

Some of the posts on here make me understand why men don't want to get married again. OP is 38 and has years of working like ahead. Why would you want to go for his pension when she hasn't sacrificed any working years for raising children?
Smacks of greediness

A friend's husband basically spent all the joint savings rather than let her have half so I would get that £10,000 into your account quickly. Other than that, I would not push for more than 50/50 given that you have no kids etc.

Wow

Absolutely go after his pension, every bit you can get from him.

He did you a favour taking the inheritance.
You owe him nothing if you paid for the deposit.

Get every bit of paperwork together for your solicitors.
The more paperwork you have the better.

Absolutely go after his pension, every bit you can get from him.

He did you a favour taking the inheritance.
You owe him nothing if you paid for the deposit.

Get every bit of paperwork together for your solicitors.
The more paperwork you have the better.

Solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor.

Get off mumsnet and contact a solicitor. Ask what they recommend.

Whether it's "grabby" to someone else really doesn't matter.

Your DH taking 50% of your inheritance set the precedent. I would ask for 50% of all savings and a proportion of their pension.

Go for what you're entitled to. 50/50 of everything including pensions. Remove the emotions attached to this. Get the best deal you can for yourself.

You're not entitled to more than 50/50 if you don't have kids - it's irrelevant that you earn differently. You don't have kids and haven't sacrificed your career progression to support his (from what you've said so far).

Was the husband being greedy when OP paid off his debts, used her earlier inheritance as a down-payment on the house, immediately transferred money out of their savings (her inheritance) when he left? Or is it just a woman who can be greedy by wanting their legal right share of the assets built up during the marriage...

As he has already not kept to what was agreed and taken half your inheritance, then you are not obliged to hold back in claiming part of his pension. He made a stupid choice there. I don’t think you will get more than half the house proceeds so if you need more for a deposit, you could offer to take the £10k back and leave the pension alone for a quicker resolution. He can’t have half your inheritance and keep ALL his pension.

Both parties knew what they signed up for though. A marriage isn't just a nice wedding day.. it's joining finances.

The inheritance has been convertet to marital assets by using them to purchase a home and by putting them into joint accounts unfortunately. OP could have protected the money by keeping them in a personal account but using them for joint things shows that they are joint money. Otherwise, who paid for what is irrelevant once you are married, especially in long marriages which this is considered to be, so it doesn't matter who paid what.

Move the other 50% plus half of any other joint account into your sole name immediately. You probably can’t close the joint accounts, but do contact each bank explaining you are divorcing and saying that you don’t consent to any overdraft or debt, they should be able to put a block on that I think. And yes, since he’s the. One that broke the agreement definitely ask for 50% of his pension. Don’t be a pushover or allow people to persuade you to feel sorry for him, these are the rules he chose to sign up to.

You do need proper legal advice as it seems you put more into the house deposit?

Also, did you live together for any length of time before the marriage? That can have an impact on outcomes if it extends your marriage from medium to long as far as courts are concerned.

I would remove the remaining £10k before he can get his mitts on it.

Good luck.

My ex did something similar. He racked up debt by going on 5 holidays in the space of 7 months and put it all on a credit card. He then informed me that debt is also included when you divorce so half of his debt was now mine. Luckily, he was wrong as I could show that we were already separated at the time he racked up the debt and I could show the message where he told me I am liable for half of his holiday costs. OP, if possible, get some kind of proof that you are seperated so there is no doubt if it ever came to it.

Because he reneged on the agreement to leave inheritance and pensions out of it. By helping himself to assets they had verbally ring fenced as hers he is saying "What's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine".

I think the OP is a bit confusing and she isn't actually wanting more than 50% overall. She is just looking for something more equitable than having to give him half her inheritance with no quid pro quo.

You could ask for more equity in the house and offset it against the pension. That’s what I did. Then you have more cash for immediate need.

I'm working on the assumption that husband paid more of the mortgage payments etc, earning a significant amount of money compared to OP.
I'm presuming that the mortgage payments couldn't be met by OP's salary so it's all swings and roundabouts.
All things considered, 50 /50 seems fair and reasonable. Women in this situation with no kids should be able to look after themselves without going for his pension.
Fwiw, there have been money that I was legally entitled to and didn't pursue. My choice and I am not married. Hence my views on men not wanting to get married again, they have had their fingers burnt.
I am not referring to circumstances where children are involved, children require financial support as dependants. Spouses /ex spouses aren't dependants.

I would say no, but then I saw the bit about the inheritance.

He gives you it back, or take him for what you can get.

This. He broke your deal. So the gloves are off now.

Take him for what you can get.

This. He happily took your inheritance both through the house deposit and cash. Pensions are no different than any other types of savings as far as marital assets are concerned. It's not greedy to go for half of all assets.