To think parents have caused a family rift with their LPA

[sapphicy]

My parents set up LPAs for financial and medical recently, it was agreed all 3 siblings will act jointly and we were all happy with this.

Long story short my sister is not actually a financial attorney, just medical, and was misled by parents. No idea why they did this. She had debt issues many moons ago but is a police officer now and owns her house outright. Perhaps parents thought she wouldn’t agree to act for medical if she wasn’t also financial, or they had a change of heart after she signed.

The problem is they didn’t tell her. For months she’s been asking us all why she’s had notification letters for medical but not financial, and instead of just telling her the truth my parents told her ‘these things take time’ and it’s been pretty awkward for me as I realised from letters I’ve received that financial has already been registered.

Sister then went directly to the OPG (at her own cost) and found out she is not in fact a financial attorney as she was led to believe. But she swears she signed 4 forms like I did.

Since she’s found this out she is not speaking to any of us, her husband contacted me to say she is severely depressed at the minute over this, we’ve all lied to her, she can’t trust her own family any more, feels like she’s lost us, etc.

I relayed this to parents who won’t talk about it or even explain what has actually happened. I can’t think of a good reason not to be honest with her about this from the start. It’s obviously not an error or a misunderstanding either as parents haven’t said ‘no that isn’t right’.

What do I even do here, AIBU to tell my parents this is their problem to sort out and I won’t be playing mediator? We’ve never had a family fall out like this before. I respect parents right to make decisions, but this isn’t really sitting right with me and I can understand why my sister is pissed off.

I don’t mean that, I meant multiple people with medical or financial. OP states there are 3 siblings so parents have 3 medical and 2 financial LPA’s. That is a lot of complex negotiations if they ever need to be used and likely to cause further rifts between the siblings.

This is also true. They are not disinheriting her, they are just not giving her the power to handle their money whilst alive. Whilst I get it is insulting, I have also done it for my mum and it is a massive time consuming hassle.

Setting up a LPA where all three people need to make decisions is a nightmare. What happens if one party is unavailable when a decision is required? Much better to have three attorneys and specify that two out of three are required for any decisions.

It depends if they have been appointed jointly (all attorneys have to agree on a course of action) or jointly and severally (any of the attorneys can make a decision independently without consulting the other).

It is difficult @sapphicy but your parents have chosen who they think will serve them best in the event of their incapacity. It isn't just a decision about who has sound financial judgement, but also who will know what they would have wanted in a situation, and who will be able to act in a way that safeguards them financially and ensures that their financial priorities are preserved.

For whatever reason, your parents didn't feel that your sister could do that, or didn't feel comfortable with her having financial control over them.
The issue here is that they didn't tell her.

You can set up LPAs to be jointly or 'jointly and severally' i think the term is.
With the latter the attorneys can act independently.

Edit. Sorry saw i have just repeated post above.

Our solicitor advised that we should more than one person for each LPA.

Approach your sister, via BIL if necessary, and tell her what you've told us - that your parents put you in a really tricky position and you don't agree with their decision.

Myself my husband and my auntie (mums sister) are LPA for my parents if the time came. My sister is constantly in debt and is an alcoholic. Parents didn’t even discuss with her to avoid hurt feelings. I'll deal with it if the time comes. It's not a right or privilege you don't stand to gain financially or otherwise. The LPA doesn't stand once they are deceased so it doesn't mean that the LPA will inherit more and the person has to lose all ability to make sound health and financial decisions. Its not a nice thing to have to enact. I'm agreeing to it because I know they'd worry and I want to make sure their hard earned money doesn't get pissed up the wall.

Myself my husband and my auntie (mums sister) are LPA for my parents if the time came. My sister is constantly in debt and is an alcoholic. Parents didn’t even discuss with her to avoid hurt feelings. I'll deal with it if the time comes. It's not a right or privilege you don't stand to gain financially or otherwise. The LPA doesn't stand once they are deceased so it doesn't mean that the LPA will inherit more and the person has to lose all ability to make sound health and financial decisions. Its not a nice thing to have to enact. I'm agreeing to it because I know they'd worry and I want to make sure their hard earned money doesn't get pissed up the wall.

What do they actually say when you ask them? I know in your OP you say they won’t talk about it but how do they deal with it when you actually ask? Just tell you they’re not discussing it?

I think you need to tell them you’re not happy they’ve caused a rift between you and your sister and they need to rectify that.

Your experience must be completely different to mine. I had LPA for both my parents solely & I didn’t find it that difficult. In fact I thought medical staff were quite dismissive of me & kept insisting I couldn’t make decisions as my parents had capacity which clearly was not the case.

Step down unless your parents resolve the problem they have created. Why should they have all the say in setting you up to be caught in their crossfire?

If nothing else, stepping down should help your sister feel that her distress is not unreasonable. In her shoes, I'd be feeling very unhappy indeed.

They were right. Medical LPAs only kick in when the donor has lost capacity. Financial LPAs are discretionary. The donor can tick a box to say that they want the attorney to act for them while they still have capacity, or only once they've lost it.

I would keep out of it otherwise it looks like you were in the know and will be scapegoated for what your parents did. Be kind and supportive but let your sister sort it out with your parents.

Just tell her you didn't know and don't get drawn in. If she doesn't believe you that's up to her - tell her once and then grey rock. She can take it up with your parents.

It's not just your parents though is it?
Yes they were spineless deceitful and cowardly.

It's your sisters behaviour thats a problem too.

Nothing is "making her" direct her rage at you and your sibling. Knowing her parents she could just take it at face value

Be cross with the parents / step down from the medical aspect etc. Fine but she doesnt need to blow up her relationships with her siblings.

It's clearly a (hurtful or valid - who knows!) "judgement" by your parents and her response is emotional because in reality (and sorry to be crass) but assuming the will is fair shes getting the "same money for less work"

I'd reiterate you.and sibling didn't know - does she really want to fall out over it?
I'd also ask her what she'd like to happen....
Is she expecting you both to demand shes included?

Are you close? Your posts read like you dont know that much about her...

That's a very bad idea. LPAs cost £92 as a one off cost. If there's no LPA and someone loses capacity, an deputyship under the Court of Protection may be needed. That's around £1500 plus annual costs, plus court reports to account for every penny spent and the rational for spending it.

Well yes, she’s talking about being LPA for finance and you are talking about being LPA for medical.

Finance involves doing all the admin with various banks and companies, paying their bills, life admin etc.

There is no charge to search the OPG.
https://www.gov.uk/find-someones-attorney-deputy-or-guardian
If she signed both the application forms, and they were correctly witnessed (which they must have been done if you were notified) then she would be down as an attorney. She must not have signed them.
Her behaviour over not being down as an attorney is frankly an indication of why your parents may not have wanted her down. It’s totally their decision and she should respect that, not spit her dummy out!
NB, if your sister has had a DRO against them they cannot be a Deputy.

Just stay out if it. I can understand your sister being upset but I think she has hugely overreacted. It does make me wonder of your parents had good reason for doing it the way they did.

Anyone can check if an LPA is registered by requesting the information from the Office of the Public Guardian, it doesn’t cost anything. I’m not sure you can claim ignorance OP - even if you didn’t know at the start, you knew when the letters started coming through and hers didn’t. You’re now all in a position whereby the LPAs are effectively useless because you can’t enact them - you need to be speaking to each other to agree them. I presume that your parents are still cognitively able to recognise this and if so they need to sort it out either by apologising and smoothing it over or by terminating the current LPAs and appointing afresh. I’m with your sister on this I’m afraid. It’s deceitful and hurtful.

Im referring to the issue at hand.

The sister needs to take it up with the parents. It was their decision not the OP.

Yes, it’s certainly worth pointing out to the parents that the medical LPA is effectively fucked too, because if the siblings aren’t getting on, there’s no way they’ll be able to act jointly. What a balls up.

I don’t think she would have been able to join the police if she’d got to the point of having a DRO. It seems like her issue is the dishonesty, not that she isn’t an LPA. As others have said they might have done her a massive favour if it’s a hassle. And now it makes the medical one useless as she’s not speaking to us

I'm one of three sisters and I wouldn't be at all bothered if my parents did something similar - it's up to them who they choose for what. Your sister sounds like a bit of a drama llama.