AIBU to feel criticised when my partner mocks everything I like?

[happydogwalker]

AIBU to want to watch, listen to or eat what I like?

My partner and I have very different tastes in TV, Film, Music etc, which is ok. We each watch or listen to what we want in different areas of the home. Sometimes we will stumble upon something we mutally like which is great.
The issue for me is if I tell him I am watching something that is not in his taste he makes derogatory comments about it, such as, it is moronic, that kind of thing is made for idiots etc. If he walks into an area where I am playing my music or radio, he will turn it off calling it a pile of S* , or utter Cr** he cant bare to hear. This is a regular occurrence and I feel insulting to me.If what i like is for morons then ergo I am one.
This kind of behaviour also translates to food and our meals.He ridicules my effort to eat organic saying Its all a big con. Yet if i use any convenience food he calls it poison.
I feel that anything that does not align with his likes or preferences is just a target for put downs, insults or negative feedback. He does not accept or embrace any differences.
I am starting to feel a little attacked by his comments. AIBU

Just tell him to fuck off and not be such a miserable twat. I’ve go no time for that sort of thing. He’s supposed to add to your life, remember?

What do you like about each other?

He’s negging you - trying to take you down a peg or two so that he feels you’re no longer ‘too good’ for him. Let me guess - you’re better looking than him/have a better job/better qualifications/more popular/more money/better taste than him. His self-esteem can’t cope with not being top dog so he has to find a way to bring you down to his level. My DP loves F1 which I don’t get at all, but when it’s on I enjoy seeing him get enjoyment out of it.

Good partners take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoying life, whether that’s from TV, music, books, watching the football, podcasts, etc. - and even if they’re taking their pleasure from chomping on a packet of wine gums and watching cars going round and round 😊

Op. I re read yr post.
He turns Off the music that gives you joy. :(

If you want to stay with him then start going to lessons and learn to play some of that music he despises on an instrument if yr choice

When he complains say you're trying to pull a positive out of his negative. Go to lessons even if once month. Btw we don't know if you have children with this man.

Mesic and food are two of life’s great joys.

He wants to control both of yours

How fucking dare he.

This isn’t how a healthy relationship works.

Even our 15 year old knows music is personal there’s no right or wrong.

We had on “according to the 15 year old” one of the most influential rap albums of all time last weekend to see what the fuss was all about.

Sharing music, food, film, tv, books, ideas. This is the part of life that is supposed to be the enjoyable bit outside jobs and bills.

I understand some differences, I just couldn’t get into Game of Thrones, H liked it, so clearly wanted to watch the final series as it came out, So I read while he watched the episode, same room, just like how he read news on his phone when I watched last series of Just Like That (although who thinks secretly he was enjoying the girlie trash more than he admitted).

It should never be a battle or judgement.

He, or both of you, are taking much more from each other than just listening to music or eating some food, you are both missing out on conversation, relaxation, a non-judgmental fun loving home environment. Is this what you want? Forever?

Duplicate post

Also there are assertiveness training apps you can get.
Or have a t shirt printed up ..I AM ENOUGH!

You are being criticised, you are being attacked, this is not a feeling you need to question, it's a relationship you need to question.

What does he do if you are with other people and he doesn't like the food they serve or the music they play? He is either as horrible to them and humiliates you or he manages to be nicer to them and put up with music he might not choose so as not to upset them, an effort he doesn't make for you. Neither is a good option.

Partner/ husband - it’s completely irrelevant in this context.
He’s supposed to be the person who is her friend and ally.

OP, he sounds like he doesn’t like you very much 🙁 And you don’t need to be in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t even like you.

Aside from the emotionally abusive aspects which others have rightly commented on, thee relationship is doomed anyway.

Have a look at the data John and Julie Gottman found in relationships where there is contempt. The effect of contempt on a relationship is so strongly lethal, that the Gottmanns describe it as one of the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse, and the number one predictor of divorce.

www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/

So no, you’re not being unreasonable. You’re quite right to feel awful about it. Your mind and heart are telling you something important. Listen to them. 📣 🧠 ❤️ 🚨

Why do you put up with it?

My dh used to do this about music when we first got together. He lacks rap and house music, I like indie. We just agreed to listen to each others stuff without judgement in the end and sort of take it in turns.In fact we have a sort of Indie/house playlist for long car journeys with one of mine and one of his for three hours or so.

He sounds like a nob. You need to tell him to stop doing that and mean it. Stand up for yourself!

He sounds unbearably tedious, and like a hover sucking all the fun and joy out of your life. I wonder, does he do any of the cooking or meal planning, or does he just criticise the food you do buy??

partners are meant to enhance your life.

I’d leave him.

Why on Earth are you with this ghastly man?!

Sounds like the only thing he does is make your life worse. It’s also very nasty and spiteful to switch off your music like that. I bet he wouldn’t do something like that to his boss / mates.

I agree that he’s no partner to you.

My dh and I have nothing in common when it comes to popular culture. We do have some tv that we watch together but we have to sit down and think about it! But we don’t criticise each others tastes. We love one another. I think that being all enthusiastic about the programmes he likes is a part of who he is and therefore I’m all for it. We also like different music. We grew up in very different places which I think contributes to that.

Anyway, the point is that in my marriage we enjoy having different things that we like as it makes us who we are and we like and love one another.

People who do this often have a self esteem problem. He's doing it to undermine you to make himself feel better. Just laugh. Then consider leaving.