AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

[Finchell]

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

I can't believe how naive you are OP! Please do some research into how many people in this country are living on or below the poverty line, it'll be a shock to you but will certainly make you realise just how privileged you are

Er. They work for it and save for years before they can afford to buy.

What was the comment said to you this afternoon that upset you?

Everyone I know has saved in order to buy their houses. I don't know anyone who has been gifted a house deposit at all.

I come from a line of council house/renting generations so no money or assets to pass down. I have had no inheritance, no financial help. My children will have to work for everything they have. I earn no more than £25K.

Compared to my life you are extremely priviliged, as are those in your circle.

I’m embarrassed for you OP. I really don’t know how you can move through life being so wilfully ignorant.

Are people really this dense? Wow!

yawn.

OP I grew up in a little bubble where I was the poorest. All my old school friends were gifted cars on their 17th birthday, had multiple holidays a year, had house deposits or even houses gifted to them. Even now in our forties I have friends who still get their big bills paid by their parents.

but I know they is unusual. I went to university and then out into the world and met people from all sorts of backgrounds. I haven’t experienced poverty but I had heard stories from friends that would break your heart.

you know you are privileged. Come on now.

maybe volunteer in a women’s shelter or food bank. That will open your eyes.

You asked how people buy houses, they save or they don’t buy and have to rent either private or council.

Me and DH saved, then bought the cheapest house we could within a 40 min walk from work, we ended up loving the area so it worked out well but it’s officially designated as a “Deprived area”. When we bought the house it had. No working heating, the kitchen was 1 cupboard and a sink, no oven, the bathroom had a terracotta coloured suite, and carpet, the whole house including ceiling was covered in woodchip and the back garden was just shoulder high brambles.

We moved in 16 yrs ago now and we did it up ourselves bit by bit with virtually no budget and no help. We earned just enough to not be entitled to any kind of benefits but not enough to qualify for any kind of home improvement loan so what we couldn’t fix ourselves had to wait.

edited to add that our financial situation now is very different to then as I’ve been able to grow my career and in the last 8 years have been aggressively pursuing promotions so we could move and get a much nicer bigger fancier house. We just don’t see the need as we’re happy where we are.

Finchell

@Dentalmum2 😬 lucky dog!

edited this to say I thought you’d said dog bog roll not just bog roll. Not calling you a dog!

😂😂😂

I'd add that I grew up in a council house (in the days you could get one!) and my parents only bought a house after they'd been married about 15 years, after Mum went back to work after having us three kids.
My siblings and I are all degree educated (some of us to Masters/PhD level), and only my sister, who is a hospital consultant, earns anywhere near your salary. We live in a large city in the UK, and I'm on about £50k, and my brother about £60k. We have used cars (bought outright), and mortgages on our properties. Can afford a couple of holidays each year (maybe 1 UK & 1 in Europe; I maybe have more than that, because I'm not paying for kids.) We're all in our 50s.
I think we're all pretty fortunate to be in these positions, and I'd say anyone who has more, is really verging on affluence.

I realise that there are people who are really struggling financially right now. There's no council housing/reasonably priced rent for families in our city (acknowledged rental crisis), and we see many people having to use the food bank. I know people who have to choose between the heating going on, or making a big meal. This is the reality for so many people right now.

I’m just interested to know what the comment was that sparked all this “self reflection”

🍿

This is fucking ridiculous. Of course you are privileged. And it’s incredibly sad that you don’t know that. I’d hope, if I were you, that I would at least recognise my privilege.

OP you asked about council housing and homelessness. I worked for a local council in the housing team a good few years ago. Homeless people don't automatically get housed by the council, they have to be homeless and vulnerable. By vunerable, it means they would be less able to look after themselves if homeless. Children are automatically vulnerable, which is why families with children will be put in temporary accomodation. But, this duty to house is not a duty to keep the children in the area they are used to. The family could be moved into a BnB miles from their primary school, or even into a different town (many I met were from London but being housed in Medway). This means increased travel expenses and being away from your support network. Also, in a BnB or hotel therr are no cooking facilities, meaning you cannot cook and feed your children proper meals. Then you wait for a housing association property to become available (there are actually very few council owned properties anymore). Again, this property could be miles from where you originally or currently live. And, you have to pay towards your temporary accomodation, most of which will be paid by housing benefit but often requiring a top up. You have to accept the property you are offered, or you will be making yourself intentionally homeless. Flat in the middle of a notorious estate that's rife with drugs? Have to take it, and hope your kids don't fall in with a bad crowd.

The saddest cases I dealt with were single men and women who had lost a job, slept in a car, sofa surfed and had finally come to us for help. We assessed them and found they were not vulnerable, so no temporary accomodation for them. They could join the housing register, but do you know how many one bed or bed sits come up? It's as rare as a blue moon, as most are family homes.

Edit for typos

Honestly, this isn't the norm and... read the room. Stupid amounts of people in the UK are struggling so no, the posts are how people feel.

I had a similar experience growing up. I have been out in the real world too so I have gained perspective. I still spend quite a lot of time with people who are very wealthy & it can make you lose a sense of perspective.

After the first page it so, I just read your posts @Finchell . But even your salary makes you absolutely not average.

I'm a retired teacher. My DDs are a teacher and a nurse, living in the southeast. I wasn't able to give then a deposit, though I helped with their legal fees etc when they finally got a deposit together for their first homes, after they'd saved incredibly hard.

Even I consider myself privileged, so how you can think you're average, I really don't know.

By saving?

Definitely not normal and I’m from a middle class background with some fairly wealthy contemporaries and no-one had that! DH’s parents did help him w his first flat deposit in thr mid-90s, but no gifts, thousands per year in birthday presents etc.

They don't do it magically. They save up for years.

Bored are we?

No one can be this dumb.

Omfg. Why are you even asking? Haven’t you anything better to do/think about than whether you are average/privileged when you clearly are privileged?? Jesus wept.

Your salary sounds average depending on how old you are/what part of the country you live in (eg SE) but the rest sounds pretty privileged to me- HTH. (Not read all
of the thread)

Lead a privileged and sheltered life. I believe can be this dumb!