Are most kids like this?

[Neverstopsever]

Really not enjoying motherhood at the moment and generally always did in the past.
My Dc, just 8, feels like such hard work to me. She is never satisfied, she has a lovely life, lots of friends, lots going on, but she is so whingy (spelling?) at the moment. She cannot occupy herself at all anymore, she’s bored with everything. She has so many toys, books, art supplies, a garden, trampoline, bike, scooter.
She constantly pesters to play on the computer, she’s allowed occasionally or to go out on her bike (Dh takes her a couple of times a day)
I’m tired of constantly having to find her something to do, we play with her lots, take her out lots, she plays with friends.
Shouldn’t a child at this age be able to find things to do and let us have a relaxed day, without moaning they’re bored all day or constantly arguing with me when I’ve said no to playing on the computer
I remember being left to it as a child and feeling quite content
Dh and I both so exhausted

She needs to learn to occupy herself . Sounds like you need to be a bit firmer with saying no to her .

She needs to start to play on her own / do things a bit independently
Does she have play dates / cousins etc
does she enjoy reading or creating
maybe get a project or similar from hobby craft which she can do on her own and needs minimal supervision

In answer to your question, neither of my dds were like that, no.
I don’t think I ever directly said it, but they would have known that saying ‘I’m bored’ wouldn’t have been an option.
if memory serves, they played a lot with og type dolls around that age, had loads of play dates and did their respective sports 5 or so hours a week. I don’t think I would ever have been expected to play with them by that age. Still read them stories so that would have been the major time together.
I have no answer for how to deal with it btw, sorry, sounds tough.

Ooof I'd be inclined to do a reset of sorts.
I couldn't live like this.
My kids are younger but even my 4 yo knows there are limits and her best bet is "quiet sulking"

Remove some of the toys
Limit screen time
Introduce quiet time
Introduce independent play with consequences for not following rules.
Be clear Whinging means no ice cream / activities end and she gets to be very bored / gets a consequence
I'd give her some chores
And id let ger choose what she does one Am /pm per week with one parent (other gets some r&r) visit a cafe... park... trip to town she is "the boss"

She has lots of play dates, that and us going out as a family occupies most of her time. If her friends are not in or we’re tired and want a day at home or even if we’ve already been out in the morning, she just always needs something to do. She has choice of lovely films/shows on Disney to wind down, but when like this, she barely wants to sit still to watch tv even for some calm time
It feels like she played independently more when younger, isn’t it supposed to be the other way round?

Whilst recognising it’s easier for me to say this as neither of my children did this - I can’t imagine I’d tolerate this from an 8 year old op. ‘I’m tired darling and would like to watch a film. You can watch it with me if you like or find something on your room to play with.’ And that would be the end of that discussion.

Is she an only child? Do you think she’d be different if she had siblings of a similar age to play with? I only ask as my 6 yo dd sounds a bit similar- not as bad as you describe but is always asking me to play with her and can’t seem to entertain herself. I often think it’d be very different if she had a sibling

It sounds like she needs to learn to be bored OP.

my youngest DD is a similar age - she has just found crocheting and it’s been a game changer; she’s obsessed!

I learned to occupy myself pretty early because if I ever said I was bored my mum or dad would give me a job. Might that work and you could get your car cleaned into the bargain 😀

It's ok for children to be bored. Children need to learn to amuse themselves and in a way it sounds as if your daughter has too much, loads of toys, adults to provide entertainment, escorting outside etc. Maybe pull back a bit.

I don't know if this glimpse into the future might help OP, but my DS was like this at that age. He attended a very small primary school with only 20 kids in Y6 by the time he left. He always wanted us take him out, be with him at home, etc.

By age 12, he was at a big busy secondary school, had found his tribe of like minded people and got involved in all the sport, music and drama.

Now at 15 he is always on the go and out and about independently (though we live in London so that's quite easy for teenagers to get around).

Turns out he's an extrovert who thrives in the company of others and likes to be busy with activities as opposed to being at home. It's much easier now he can arrange his own stuff and he has a self - generated, full and interesting life.

So I guess I'm saying hang in there, you might end up with a self - starting teenager like I did.

My DD is completely like this. She is only 4 but has been demanding 100% of my attention since day one. She rarely sits at peace and just constantly needs to be doing something and looking for attention. It's hard and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I try to play with her for a bit then encourage her to continue the game alone. This worked with DS but not DD. She is just different. She's at nursery and is a ringleader. She has a group of girls she hangs out with, and they all play the game she suggests. I don't know if she's just going to be a big personality. I could definitely see her still being the same at 8.

Our DS is the same as this. He's 7. Even when he's doing something by himself like Lego he talks to me constantly about it. We go to a park and he wants me to play with him on stuff. It's relentless

Absolutely this. Next time she says she's bored, get her doing a chore. Then keep doing that. You'll either get a spick and span house or she'll learn to occupy herself!

Always bored and never sits still….. could be ADHD. But obviously may well not be. These were/are the most obvious signs in DD2 who is now a young adult. But obviously there is more to it than this. What’a
she Like at school? How’s her sleep?

Yes Ive suspected adhd as think Dh probably is and he agrees
She has phases of taking a long time to go to sleep.
As a Pp says, she’s very outgoing and an extrovert (we’re not really but push ourselves for her) but there becomes a limit and it’s truly relentless at times, I actually feel a bit ill from it today, she has not stopped asking the same thing over and over, we are trying not to get cross but it’s so hard with her

I think iPads etc have a lot to do with this. My two (9 & 12) are like crack addicts honestly
id love to throw the bloody devices in the bin and be done with it

No. They really aren’t all like that.

My son who’s also 8 and an only child is going through this phase right now. He is also taken out a lot, does clubs, play dates, has plenty of toys/games/books/garden but seems to want to be entertained 24/7 right now!
Normally he can entertain himself for a while but lately he has been moaning about being bored.
I don’t have an answer but I can say that I know how you feel! So reading with interest.

B - build. Lego, a den, house of cards, Jenga, cake, play dough.
O - outside. Garden, park, football, scooter, sand.
R - read. A book, a magazine, homework.
E - earn. Do a chore and earn money.
D - draw. Colour, write, crafts, painting, chalk.

Yes, I know the feeling! You have my sympathies.

I would recommend you get the wheels in motion for an assessment. Don’t be surprised if the school doesn’t agree with you - DD2 turned out to be dyslexic and have ADHD and neither the primary nor the secondary school noticed, because intelligent girls are extremely good at hiding it. I knew there was something wrong with DD2 but had no clue what it was until after her A-Levels.

I actually feel a bit ill from it today, she has not stopped asking the same thing over and over, we are trying not to get cross but its so hard with her

I would be cross and my DD would know I was if she had behaved like that all day. You don’t have to shout or lose it, but it’s not going to hurt her to see that it’s too much and it’s left you feeling unhappy.

Entertaining yourself is an essential skill. If your daughter was lacking in any other essential skill you wouldn’t just accept it, you’d come up with a plan and practice, building up slowly.

That’s what you need to do with your daughter. Make it clear to her that she is old enough to occupy herself for, say, 15 minutes daily and then withdraw while she does. Tell her you’re doing something and don’t want to be disturbed. Have consequences for being disturbed, and follow though on them. Then build up the amount of time and frequency.

And why would you try to hide that you’re cross with your daughter for constantly nagging about one thing all day?! Anyone would be cross, that’s very poor behaviour and unlikely to be tolerated by anyone else in her future life. You’re doing her no favours.

Can you start her with a craft activity, or Lego or something, then gently disengage to do something else when she’s engrossed? It sounds like she’s always entertained by having someone else around, so this is a new skill she needs to learn.