Are most kids like this?

[Neverstopsever]

Really not enjoying motherhood at the moment and generally always did in the past.
My Dc, just 8, feels like such hard work to me. She is never satisfied, she has a lovely life, lots of friends, lots going on, but she is so whingy (spelling?) at the moment. She cannot occupy herself at all anymore, she’s bored with everything. She has so many toys, books, art supplies, a garden, trampoline, bike, scooter.
She constantly pesters to play on the computer, she’s allowed occasionally or to go out on her bike (Dh takes her a couple of times a day)
I’m tired of constantly having to find her something to do, we play with her lots, take her out lots, she plays with friends.
Shouldn’t a child at this age be able to find things to do and let us have a relaxed day, without moaning they’re bored all day or constantly arguing with me when I’ve said no to playing on the computer
I remember being left to it as a child and feeling quite content
Dh and I both so exhausted

No mine is def not like that. She is constantly crafting and making things or reading etc. she takes very little entertainment. Get your daughter to look on YouTube and find crafts she would like to try. Mine lives making masks and anything paper mache

My DD can be like this, audiobooks are the solution. She needs to always have an audiobook on the go while she is drawing, building etc.

I also feel a bit sorry for kids these days- if we were bored we called for a friend and played out. They're stuck with us for entertainment and we have to do adult things.
im not sure if this is entirely true. Sure, we could call on a friend, but often they’d be not in and you’d be sent home again. But I do remember things like 5 hour car journeys where your only entertainment was watching the raindrops race down the window.

When I was a child, if I said I was bored, I was handed a bottle of flash and some marigolds. I soon learned to never show any sign of boredom.

I am a bit old school but I would gather up all the toys and do a 'reset' as somebody said. She probably has too much stuff and cant pick out one thing to do. Streamline what she has and tell her to play with the toy, draw or read as long as she occupies herself and that she wont be getting any device time until she can consistently prove over time that she can occupy herself.

I suspect my 10 year old son has 'something' and my husband started a kind of 'learn to be bored' digital detox on him, gave him chores, a homework schedule and nightly instrument practise (he also does sport 3 times a week). When he has done those things he can read, write or draw but he is not to make himself a nuisance and the longer he moans or plays up, the longer we keep the device.

It worked and he became a much nicer person, at home and at school. We are now extending it to his 8 year old sibling who has started slipping into these habits.

When they get like this they are crying out to have all of their stimulants stripped way back or removed, device to be removed and to have some structure. Expect crying to begin with but dont budge. I do not want whingeing, entitled teenagers and am doing my best to mitigate it. It may well happen anyway but not for my lack of trying.

I'm old enough and grew up somewhere where there was a gang of friends and cousins at our disposal at all times...

Also plenty of boring car journeys.

So if she just goes on and on and on, can't you either ignore her, go somewhere else or take yourself off?
If she gets angry just leave the room?

You have to parent the child you have, not the one you think they ought to be.

My dc are all different from each other.
One could happily occupy herself from quite a young age.
One would rarely settle to anything. They also had to go out every day and spend a good couple of hours running about or swimming or hiking to give them 1/2 a chance of being able to regulate themselves later.
The third one always had 2 others to play with, which makes life easier.

It might help if you have more 'fixed boundaries' about how much computer time (for example) she is allowed, so she knows that 'when it's gone, it's gone' rather than knowing if she pesters you enough, you might let her ?

But mine did understand that if they were bored, I could always offer them some jobs to do around the house. They tend to learn pretty quickly not to tell you they are bored, if that ends up washing up or tidying a toy box out.

At that age, I was outside all day every day until dinner time with neighbourhood kids. Not structured play dates. Obviously that's a thing of the 90s, and not the done thing anymore. Not sure if the solution but I don't think it's a surprise, she has a ton of energy and brain power and what's to go out.

Find her a sport or a hobby.

I was just going to say this. Only ever once moaned that I was bored and my Mum gave me a duster! Never did it again! 🤣

Could she also be overstimulated?

She seems so busy, that when the days are less active it send her into a boredom.

If she’s an only child that could play a role. My DD was an only at that age and I remember her always wanting me to play with her. But at the same time if she’s was bored I’d either find something we can both do, or she can play with her toys while I’m also in the room doing something else so she has the company, or get her into something that she can do alone at home like a craft or a sport.

That is a hard age in once sense as when I look at my friends kids that age I remember how much they want to play.

What about implementing a bored jar? Have heard of it working well. Get a load of lollipop sticks and write (together with DC or on your own) a mix of chores and nice things on there. You have to be willing to carry out the nice things there and then if they require parental involvement.

Examples

• clean your bedroom
• bake together
• vacuum the stairs
• paint a picture
• clean out the fish
• go to the garden centre, buy a new plant and plant it together
• learn a new skill of your choice (how to use a sewing machine, how to drill a hole). This one was always very popular!
• fold the laundry
• Wash the windows
• Practice instrument
• Empty the draining board
• Mop a floor
• play a board game together
• go to the library

If they say they're bored you ask them if they'd like to take something from the jar or find something to do for themselves. If they take something from the jar they have to do it or pay a penalty for not doing it (this could be a chore or put £2 in the family fun fund). Good way to suss out how bored they are. Are they willing to risk being told to tidy their room? Also mostly if they pick out a chore stick they disappear quietly for a good amount of time regardless so it's a win win from a parenting perspective as either way the whining stops and it isn't your responsibility.

Kids are overstimulated and need constant dopamine hits in this generation due to phones, learning on computers, parents on phones, friends on phones etc.

It's really uncommon to see many kids quietly occupying themselves with things we grew up with because they simply don't know how.

I don't believe every child has ADHD on this planet, currently, so I think the advice to be firmer with her when she wants entertainment is great advice.

She didn't learn to be this way overnight so it will take patience and compassion to see the other side for her, you as individuals and a couple.

Maybe reward her with a 10 min nature walk when she reads for 2 hours, colours or picks her own activity and tells you about it when time is up. Maybe start with smaller increments of time if 2 hours seems like too much right now.

If it is an attention thing then high challenge physical exercise can help - especially at the start of the day. Have you tried her at junior parkrun? Or on bike jumps?

It sounds like it is a kind of compulsive energy (the repeated question) and when I notice my daughter is getting like this I send her outside to smash a football into a goal. It can’t just be “be outside” for some kids that big energy has to go somewhere.

I totally get why it’s annoying, but it’s also one of her biggest strengths. She is physically very strong and is great at sport BUT it’s tricky as has very little patience for skill acquisition, dislikes training and just wants to compete and win. It comes with its own challenges, but day-to-day it helps her manage her behaviour.

I was about to ask this. My kids always play together but if only one is home as the other is busy out, the one at home is bored stiff. I can't imagine what they would be like as only children

As soon as you said she was very whiney and constantly bored I knew it was screen addiction. At 8 she's far too young to have regular access to a computer. You need to cut right back. Kids are like this and say they are bored when they mean they want to play roblox etc.

My 12yo is chronic but we do have limits on screen time and as a result plays the piano a lot. 15yo has less limits so is always on his phone.... as am I!

Far more children now are only children than used to be.
Go back 30 years and it was much more common to have 3 children than one so most kids had siblings to play with

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I feel sorry for them. They rely on parents for social and the parents need their own time, too. It's hard on everyone.

Sounds like you need to opt out, firmly.

My mother would state - "Go outside and play trains." - if we were whinging about the house.
We would be sent out into the back yard until lunch time.

Or firmly state. "Find something to do or you can start on that list of chores.'
Enact the threat. Ask them to sweep, dust, wash the bathroom basin, vacuum, fold clean washing or iron tea towels. etc.

Reasonable suggestions for parent free activities .. reading quietly in their room, taking dog for walk or cleaning out dogs kennel, cleaning out their school bag, tidying their room, playing with some toys, writing a letter to Granny, weeding their own vegie or flower plot, writing a book, arts and crafts, knitting, sewing on sewing machine..

It is fine to make kids entertain themselves. Boredom stimulates imagination. It is fair to demand alone time for yourself every weekend.

Have craft supplies available. Have some toys packed away so that toys are rotated every month. Have netball ring installed in yard, totem tennis, bits and pieces to construct cubbies.
Allow next door neighbour's kids to join in back yard play.

Reminds me of my friend's daughter who's an extravert and an only child. She's also very sporty and constantly bouncing off the walls. They signed her up for lots of sports- running, biking, swimming. It helped a lot. Maybe your child needs way more exercise than riding her bike up and down the road a couple of times a day? My 8 year old regularly cycles 20km and then spends the rest of the day quietly playing. Try and take her on a long bike ride with you and see if that helps, and get her into some sports clubs..if it helps, there's your answer.

My ADHD eldest is this way. His younger son is always just content to play independently and o his own thing. Or saying she has ADHD but may be worth researching it and seeing if she has any further traits. The big thing for us him is his emotional dis-regulation and he can sulk for hours unfortunately.

Threads like this can be a bit frustrating as they either fixate on simple solutions (‘I would not allow this! Tell her not to!’) or turn into a bit of a pile on about modern parenting. And I don’t think either are particularly helpful.

I do think some people cope badly out of routine and she probably can’t express that. Just like someone losing their temper isn’t saying ‘I’m angry’ as much as overwhelmed / frustrated / distressed ‘boredom’ is often an expression of aimlessness, loneliness, feeling lost, frustration and anxiety. But an eight year old won’t be able to express that and that’s why no suggestion is good enough, it’s not really boredom at all.

I think also some kids are just better out of the house: my ds is, although he’s become very good at imaginative play it tends to involve an enormous mess which I find hard to manage!

If she's bored give her housework to do she will very quickly find something to entertain herself

You need some strategies to help. What about setting a timer for keeping herself entertained? And she isn’t allowed to disturb you in that time … barring emergencies, of course!
You need to make her the centre of your world just a little less. You’ll be doing her a favour in the long run.

Yes, it's entirely normal. Just maybe not what you were expecting. You don't get to choose your kids personality and there is no guarantee theirs will fit yours.

As said above, could be adhd. Could be a lust for life that many kids share as they have the energy to do so. I know many adults who are quite sedentary with their kids even in their thirties, and others who are busy with their kids all the time. It takes all sorts and you have someone who wants something different from you.

In only a few years she'll probably want nothing to do with you in her free time, so why not enjoy it now? You have a lot fewer years as a parent of a child than you do when they are grown ups so try to enjoy it

No not particularly, admittedly there are 2 of them.so they play together a lot but even when only one is home they can entertain themselves...they do like screens but also playing with a selection of dinosaurs/godzillas (DS2) or toy soldiers (DS1). DS1 can also take himself off to the playground to kick a ball about for an hour.