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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child wants to move overseas

135 replies

Gremlinsmoothie · 05/04/2026 17:55

My 18 year old daughter was supposed to be going to university in the uk in September, just an hour or so from where we live.
she has now dropped the bomb in us telling us she wants to study in south east Asia instead. This is because he current boyfriend, who she has known for 6 months is returning there to his home country. She wants to go with him.
I think this is a crazy idea but don’t know if I’m being biased & selfish because I don’t want my child living on the other side of the world.

Does anyone have any experience of this & have any advice? My fear is that she will go, love the lifestyle & not return, & she will no longer be much of a part of my life. I’m also worried about health care & emergencies, maybe I’m overthinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gremlinsmoothie · 07/04/2026 19:00

Diamond7272 · 07/04/2026 16:05

That's what I told my parents when I was 18....

I also said I intended to stay a virgin though that ship had sailed long before.

Oh and I would never smoke...

"Tell parents what they want to hear" = smart 18yr old!

Show quote history

Well if I’m paying for the accommodation I would like to think she’s using it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gremlinsmoothie · 07/04/2026 19:02

Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/04/2026 16:02

Op it would be a bit of a life lesson for her that when you are an adult you don’t just get to go and do what you want - she wants to move to Malaysia - mummy won’t just say yes dear of course !

she wants a gap year or to go to uni abroad - sort it out herself and apply and work to save up and pay for it

i did working holiday visas at 21 & 22
and I had to work my arse off for saving like crazy to afford it living with my parents of course (they didn’t charge me rent which obviously helped massively) then I had to get jobs super fast on arrival to afford to stay there

I had a fun year not working in Asia that I saved up for too

it wasn’t handed to me and I wasn’t helped at all and tbh

most people who do these kind of things sort it and pay themselves surely

she’s so young - so I’d leave her to it and likely she won’t pull it off !!

could you suggest she starts uni here and maybe you could help oh for her to visit Malaysia over Xmas for example ?

then if she proper likes it and wants to make a go of it then she could make the move next summer - which seems way more sensible

If she starts uni here it will be a 3 year course so there would be no going next summer, she would need to see it through.

OP posts:
Diamond7272 · 07/04/2026 19:08

Gremlinsmoothie · 07/04/2026 19:00

Well if I’m paying for the accommodation I would like to think she’s using it!

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But she's primarily going to Malaysia to be with her bf.

Six months ago I doubt she could colour malysia in on a map... In common with 90% of 18yr holds I'm sure.

Today I doubt she could name 3 malayan unis... I can't. I'm struggling with 1...

'be with' = what in your eyes? (not THAT naive, surely)

TheSquareMile · 07/04/2026 20:00

@Gremlinsmoothie

Which subject would she be applying to read at the University in Malaysia, OP?

Dozer · 07/04/2026 20:38

‘How would you pay for that, since you won’t be eligible for student loans?’ and ‘we won’t be providing any funding for this’ should help her to see that her idea isn’t feasible.

Original poster
Gremlinsmoothie · 07/04/2026 22:18

Diamond7272 · 07/04/2026 19:08

But she's primarily going to Malaysia to be with her bf.

Six months ago I doubt she could colour malysia in on a map... In common with 90% of 18yr holds I'm sure.

Today I doubt she could name 3 malayan unis... I can't. I'm struggling with 1...

'be with' = what in your eyes? (not THAT naive, surely)

Show quote history

I don’t understand your last sentence.

the boyfriend still lives with his family in Malaysia, I can’t see her moving in with them.
if he wants to stay with her in her accommodation I don’t have a problem with that. That is not was this post is about.

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 09/04/2026 09:14

do you have the cash to fund it op or was she planning on student loans

Snoken · 09/04/2026 09:57

Make sure she will definitely still qualify for paying home fees when she returns to the UK. Normally you have to have lived in the UK for at least 3 years leading up to starting uni to not pay international fees. I think, but could be wrong, that if she starts paying tax etc. in Malaysia she will no longer be considered a British resident. She needs to somehow be able to show that it's temporary and that her main base is still at home with you.

Original poster
Gremlinsmoothie · 10/04/2026 23:33

Fupoffyagrasshole · 09/04/2026 09:14

do you have the cash to fund it op or was she planning on student loans

She was planning on student loans to pay the course fees, & we were going to pay her accommodation fees.

OP posts:
TheSquareMile · 11/04/2026 00:12

Gremlinsmoothie · 10/04/2026 23:33

She was planning on student loans to pay the course fees, & we were going to pay her accommodation fees.

Show quote history

I don't think that the UK's Student Loan system will allow a loan to be used to pay for a degree undertaken abroad, OP.

I think that it's permissible to use the loan to cover a year abroad as part of a UK degree, however.

Whch subject would she like to study?

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