Child wants to move overseas

[Gremlinsmoothie]

My 18 year old daughter was supposed to be going to university in the uk in September, just an hour or so from where we live.
she has now dropped the bomb in us telling us she wants to study in south east Asia instead. This is because he current boyfriend, who she has known for 6 months is returning there to his home country. She wants to go with him.
I think this is a crazy idea but don’t know if I’m being biased & selfish because I don’t want my child living on the other side of the world.

Does anyone have any experience of this & have any advice? My fear is that she will go, love the lifestyle & not return, & she will no longer be much of a part of my life. I’m also worried about health care & emergencies, maybe I’m overthinking.

If she gets pregnant out there she needs to come home to England to have the baby. Unmarried mothers have no rights out there... The father and his family entirely decide about the child, where it lives, who brings it up.

A married woman also has v few rights. Same issue. The father and his family decide everything regarding children.

That one-sidedness might he irrelevant now, but it's a massive headache later if the relationship fails. British mothers don't have a leg to stand on, plus culturally, you'll get no help if unmarried... Quite the opposite, the authorities will see any child as malay.

Just warning. The works isn't England and England customs and laws there.

The worst that could happen?

See my earlier post. Don't get pregnant out there!!!!!!! Unmarried pregnant in the eyes of the locals is ostracision...shame, and so on.

Father's have all rights by law.

At approx £800 return she can’t

I think this is the approach I will take, thank you

Yep, as I said she packs up and comes home 🤷‍♀️

I appreciate what a lot of you are saying about it’s a great opportunity & be “proud of her spirit”.
Can I just point out that she never showed any interest this the country before, never showed any interest in working or studying abroad. She has actually changed her course choice because they don’t do her chosen course out there (although this wouldn’t affect her end career). All based on her relationship. This is all very sudden.
I’m more keen on the working there for a year idea but from what people have said that’s not very clear cut & she’s be unlikely to get a job. She’s talking about doing a mandarin course but if she’s not working how is she going to support herself?? What a nightmare.

She's extremely unlikely to qualify for a work visa.

She can only stay for 90 days on a tourist visa so she won't be doing a gap year there.

That leaves the student visa which would probably be her only route but then what would she do when the course ends and she has to leave her boyfriend?

If the fathers family don't tip off the police at the airport beforehand. In the middle East it's legendary... Happens regularly. Malaysia identical.

I would encourage her to do a Mandarin course! Learning things is never a waste of time, and she will soon find out how difficult it is as a language. The early stages are very challenging for a western person so it might put her off a bit.

And it sounds like a bit of research and a conversation about women's rights might be an idea. If she does end up going, perhaps make sure she's on the implant rather than the pill or whatever.

Would've thought Malay is a better language

@Gremlinsmoothie

Why is she keen to learn Mandarin, OP?

It is one of the languages spoken in Malaysia, as there is a large Chinese demographic, but it's not the most widely spoken language - that's Malay, spoken by 80 per cent of the population.

its the language spoken by the boyfriend so she’s been trying to learn it for a while

Perhaps suggest she speaks to a Malaysian immigration lawyer, could even fund it if you're feeling generous. They should be in a position to provide a few home truths wrt practicalities.

I thought that would be the case.

I suspect that not knowing Malay, the national language, will be a major problem as far as jobs and courses are concerned.

What was she planning to do post A Level before she met this man, OP?

What was your daughter's boyfriend doing in the UK? Was he doing a degree?

She had been offered places in several uk universities

Yes, still is, but he goes home at the end of this educational year

Maybe you should ask her why he chose to do his degree in the UK? I presume because it's advantageous to him compared to doing it at home. Wouldn't your daughter like to have the same advantages?

Firstly it’s probably worth mentioning that a bachelor’s degree, even as a foreign student, will be considerably cheaper in Malaysia than in the UK. Depending on the university and course, fees start from as little as +/- $3000 USD pa. Her hare-brained scheme may end up saving you £££s

Without a student visa she would have to enter the country on a 90 day tourist visa, nobody without a Degree will get a working visa, even to teach TEFL, so she can forget being able to work legally.

There are also a lot of assumptions being made here by people equating British law to Malaysian Law. A baby born out of wedlock in Malaysia to a non Malay - OP states the BF is Chinese Malaysian - is not entitled to Malaysian Citizenship so if that scenario were to play out she would not be stuck overseas.

I didn’t love the 3 years I spent working in KL but it led me on to better opportunities and I enjoyed a better lifestyle there than I could have afforded in the UK.

As a previous poster said, if the bf has been studying in the UK he certainly comes from a wealthy family who may be less than willing to accommodate their son’s holiday romance. If she were my daughter I would encourage her to apply to a uni there but travel as a tourist before making the financial and time commitment to a plan of study.

He just did 1 year here.
I don’t see the advantages- she will be in a foreign country where she doesn’t speak the language, won’t be able to get a job, won’t be able to easily fly home due to cost. Thee are no educational advantages that I am aware of.

When we looked into this the course fees were not that different uk what she would be paying here, the difference is the fact that she won’t be entitled to the student loans here that she would have used to pay the fees, so we need to provide the money up front. Along with accommodation fees, that’s big ask.

What does she want to study? A quick google suggests that most undergraduate courses in Malaysia are taught in Malay. So she would have to learn that as well!

I don't see the advantages either tbh. But researching the potential difficulties and talking about them in a non-judgemental way, just offering information, may help her see that it isn't as simple as she thinks.

Providing the money up front is a huge ask! Can you afford to do that?

Another angle could be to look at courses here that offer a year abroad. If she could do a year in Malaysia (obviously she might have changed her mind about it all by then) would that sway her towards university in the UK?

This is an option we have looked, but it’s too late for this year.