To feel sad it’s just us

[Feelsicktoomuchchocolate]

Live abroad and away from family (I want to return home, Dh doesn’t)
I try to make everything nice, did an egg hunt at home and in the garden today, we were at an organised hunt yesterday. Dh is making bbq lunch, but all around us are families with their wider families-grandparents etc having loud, cheerful lunches
Dd constantly asking to go to her friends houses on the road today and me having to say no because they’re having family time.
Feel so envious of all these big families and their plans and sad for Dd
It’s the same at Christmas if we stay here some years

Have you ever shared your feelings with local friends (e.g. the family of your child's friend down the street?). We're in the same situation (living in a country which is neither of our home countries) and our next door neighbours invited us over today for a BBQ with their son and DIL, our kids played with their grandkids and it was lovely. Or maybe you could host a gathering for neighbours including their relatives and get to know them better?

You have my sympathy OP, we are the same although this year we went back to our hometown to be with family and it was lovely, most years we don’t and it is super lonely. It js boring just being with ours selves all the time, I know what you mean and you’re not being unreasonable at all. We’re in London, it’s very transient and lots of our friends have left, as soon as we make new ones which is soooo hard, they leave after a couple of years. The friends that are here are quite wealthy compared to us and often go abroad for holiday season and we feel left behind.

So, like many others here, I was going to be completely on my own today. I have family, but my sister and I are estranged from a parent, and my DSis and her family are away on holiday, as the schools are off. DBro and his family are with our parents.
I'm single and sadly, childless.

Y'know what I did? Didn't think of it as Easter. I had a bit of a lie in, and then called my best mate (also on her own), and we met up, had a walk (when it wasn't hailstones!), and went for a coffee. I've just arrived home from hers, as we had a takeaway at her place afterwards. It was a lovely day. We even got an Easter pastry in the coffee place!

My advice - and I've also been an expat, in New Zealand - is to take advantage of meeting with others who might not have family/partners/etc., and go do something not related to the holiday. So, on Christmas/New Year when I was in Dunedin and Wellington, we went to the beach, had a walk, went paddle boarding, etc. I think it feels worse if you're trying to transplant your home activities and traditions to a new setting. You're with the family you've made. Sounds like a lovely day with a BBQ, and your DD. Enjoy the pleasanter sounding weather, and don't think of it as a big family event. Lots of us are not having that picture perfect, chocolate box, experience. Take care.

@Feelsicktoomuchchocolate

I'm assuming that most European countries are signatories to the Hague convention. So yes, you'd be looking at a long and expensive court battle to say the least AND possible criminal charges should you 'take DD for a visit to the UK and just stay" as some PPs have advised.

And whether or not a country is 'interested' in 'a Brit wanting to leave' it's for certain sure that that country's courts are obligated to carry out the law and to settle any lawsuits that arise.

Since your DD was born where you now reside, she is 'habitually resident' in that country. And that's the Hague Convention's criteria for whether or not a child can be removed. Not simply what passport they carry.

There was a thread a few years ago from a woman 'stuck' in NZ because of Hague. Possibly user name Wizardsandwitches? IIRC she retained a solicitor to try to get permission to leave w/her DC and was told by them to stop posting.

I couldn't stay with a man that would happily see me miserable for his own wants. He isn't thinking of you or your daughter and your needs are being overlooked. Maybe point out that your marraigevis doomed if you stay where you are as you feel unheard and not cared for.

Exactly, I have a progressive health condition, no husband/ boyfriend, just cat and I.
i have family yes, Spain, Italy and Lincoln, my three brothers, two sons one estranged, one in Gloucestershire, hardly see him or my three year old grandson.
I do have great friends, tho losing a third great friend, one got dumped, one vanished, this friend moving away.
Need to go and see who is out in my progressive condition group, and move on

Three times a year, lucky if twice, travelling hard when disabled too, and more expensive

I am in the same situation as you (except I am divorced but I have a child hrre so cannot move). I feel you! Big hugs.

Edited to add: all those pople posting about how you can just go on holidays and never return should be banned, this is such a bad advice and can get someone in a lot of trouble.

Would he have to see your family that often? I can imagine that wouldn't be his choice, and it wouldn't be great for your own family life, tbh. Who wants to live in in-laws' pockets like that?

He says she’s happy here and he is, it’s just me that isn’t and implies it’s me being selfish

I’m really sorry for your situation, but it’s not very fair to compare your own situation and imply how I should be grateful/happy! I also see many many people who are much happier than me with great lives

So sorry, it’s like being trapped. What do you plan to do?

He wouldn’t have to if he didn’t want to, i’d see them probably during the week, he wouldn’t
I don’t think it’s that horrendous to meet for a dog walk and coffee or have lunch once at the weekend

I would venture that's because they're your parents. Not many people want to see their in-laws that often.

Regardless, I hope you find a way out. It seems you have bigger issues since he doesn't even want to go to counselling with you. I understand that it's a difficult situation to be in. Good luck.

Baffling you agreed to move when clearly family is central to your happiness.

OP you are avoiding the obvious - you’re sad because your marriage is an unhappy one. Having family close may take the edge of that unhappiness… but it would still very much be there

Strangely I was once helped by Facebook in a similar situation. I had a genuine cause for unhappiness, but it was seeing the photos of a school-mum friend and the genuine way that she, her husband and her DC actively tried to enjoy their weekends together that I actually found quite helpful. My issue didn’t and couldn’t go away, but I realised that I could also actively choose to create happiness myself.

It is probably one of the rare occasions when social media posts have actually helped someone!

They moved before having children. I was in a similar position, happily living abroad until my son came along. I had totally underestimated how having a child changes things completely and how it would make living abroad 100 times harder.

Fortunately for me, DH agreed with me and we moved back to the UK with our toddler. I know a lot of people stuck in unhappy marriages where we left for the exact same reason as the OP. It's very, very common.

We live under a hour from family and spent yesterday just us. We did an egg hunt in morning. Went to a local fayre in the afternoon and dh cooked a roast.

Kindly, you have no idea what you are talking about. Should OP take some of the crazy advice being advocated on here, she would most certainly be made to return to their country of residence - where the dd was born and where her father lives - and charged with kidnapping.

OP, I moved from the UK in my 20's to an EU country. Now divorced with 2 dc. It is home for us and I fully integrated into the society and culture and feel more this nationality than British in many ways. You seem reluctant to say exactly where you are. I only ask because being in an EU country can mean very different experiences for different people. I am not sure I would have been anywhere near as happy I am somewhere in northern Europe, as I am here.

It does sound like you have marital issues though, and that can make anyone feel lonely. My advice would be to let these feelings sit with you, but look at the real reasons why holidays make you feel this way. If it truly is a case of missing family and friends and the life you built abroad, can't overcome it, then you will have to have serious talks with your DH about what your future(s) looks like.

I’m not saying it’s the best way, but after years spent living overseas in multiple countries, this is the way I’ve seen a number of women ‘escape’. Just my experience.