To feel sad it’s just us

[Feelsicktoomuchchocolate]

Live abroad and away from family (I want to return home, Dh doesn’t)
I try to make everything nice, did an egg hunt at home and in the garden today, we were at an organised hunt yesterday. Dh is making bbq lunch, but all around us are families with their wider families-grandparents etc having loud, cheerful lunches
Dd constantly asking to go to her friends houses on the road today and me having to say no because they’re having family time.
Feel so envious of all these big families and their plans and sad for Dd
It’s the same at Christmas if we stay here some years

I get that but still think it’s shitty.
Maybe I might feel she’s in a better position than I am but I am mature enough to see that it feels hard for her so she deserves empathy for that.

How far from the UK are you @Feelsicktoomuchchocolate?

I think your feelings will intensify if you don’t tackle this head on with your DH. It sounds like you’re quite unhappy already and today in particular has brought it into focus.

What doesn’t he like about the uk? Objectively, it’s one of the best economies and standards of living in the world.

You are totally entitled to share that opinion, and everyone else is entitled to share theirs too. She asked for opinions so all are valid.

Make your own "family" group of friends, their friends work on it

It is OK to feel sad ... but I am sorry to gwar I represent the "bottom"!!! 😂

Hear, not gwar!!

Thanks for letting me know I can share my opinion. In fact I already had. 😄

Thank you 🙏

Glad you enjoyed having your opinion rated as much as you enjoyed doing it to others 😅

I understand OP. My situation is different - there is just us because we literally have no family. There is just me and DH and our 3 now adult children . When the kids were little they used to ask why they didn’t have lots of family parties and cousins to play with. Growing up I had no cousins - just an elderly uncle who had never married. I used to envy all my friends always having someone to play with or visit. DH was the same, an only child brought up by his grandparents.

DH used to tell them that one day they will have all that.
And it’s finally started happening - our youngest has just had a baby and our eldest has just got engaged. That’s 2 more places at the table this Christmas.

Your family will grow too OP.

I live where I grew up and this long weekend we are seeing no one. My parents have gone on holiday. My in laws have other plans. My husband is out all day today for a sporting event so I’m solo parenting two under four. It’s lonely as everyone else is with family and most things are closed. I’m not sure it’s an abroad thing tbh. If you like the rest of the lifestyle I’d suck it up or go on holiday for these occasions if possible so it doesn’t feel so lonely. I’m annoyed as I was going to book a glamping trip but didn’t because we thought we’d see the in laws and it’s Easter.

I really feel for you. We’ve considered moving to Australia many times due to our careers but decided that our family is the back bone of our happy and content life (even tho they drive us round the bleeding pipe sometimes!) Life in the UK really is far far far from awful.

I’m sorry you’ve had a shitty day. Maybe an extended trip home might help, even if your DH cannot join you and your daughter for all of it.

I totally understand how you feel. I'm also living overseas just me DH & the kids. I've been homesick for the last 10yrs and holidays exasperate the feeling. It's not as easy as 'leave your husband and go home. In my case this is 'home' for my kids, their lives are here my DH also thinks the UK is shit and has absolutely no desire to return, I would go home tomorrow if I could. It's ok to take a minute and feel sad for what you miss. I hope you can also enjoy the day you are having.

That sounds really miserable, especially as your husband won’t consider moving back home.
Sorry for being naive but why can’t you move back with your daughter?

I happen to agree with your hubby, that the UK is an awful place to live at the moment. I am sorry you're missing your family, but it is also ok to have a little family celebration together too with just you guys. Give it a little longer to see how you get on, make more friends, keep busy, explore everything on offer and tell your hubby to stop moaning and wanting to disturb other people! He can't have everything his way.

Legally it would be kidnapping if he didn’t agree…and he wouldn’t

i don’t! Bloody love the uk

Well, I love where I live, in lovely sunny Kent!

Guessing your husband won’t consider marriage therapy?

It is just the two of us on high days and holidays, and has been for 30+ years. Frankly, we love it, and are glad to escape all the pressure and fuss of a large gathering. Big families can be highly overrated!

Am glad you like it. I don't like what it's become, the entitled horrific people, awful inept governments, broken NHS and the whole struggle with the cost of everything. Hopeful for improvement though!

Lived in a few countries and it's not all that anymore. I would leave but my partner doesn't fancy it, mainly because he's never really been overseas and fear of the unknown.

Having read your updates I just want to give you my sympathy to the situation you seem to be in, it sounds very difficult. You can’t leave with your daughter but I can understand your DH not agreeing to this. How long have you been there? Was your DD born whilst you were there? Do you work? Have you got friends? Is your relationship with your DH OK otherwise? And I know it’s not the same but could you afford to get back home to visit your family more frequently?

I raised my DC in a village where lots of people had lived there all their lives. Sometimes it felt like we were the only family without parents, grandparents, siblings and cousins round every corner! Of course we weren't but 'incomers' were definitely a minority. I wasn't homesick, in the way you are, because I didn't come from a large, close family but it can be difficult to fit in when everyone else seems to have been friends for years.

I think you need to make plans to be away or have visitors for Christmas and Easter every year, at the times you miss your family most. Or look for friends in a similar situation to your own and invite them over. I hope you can talk about your unhappiness with your DH and find a solution.

Oh that’s a shame.

My kids are at a wonderful school and love it; I enjoy my job; I have a very good surgery and GP and I thankfully don’t generally find “entitled” and “horrific” people… very far from it in fact

Why can't you and DD return home for a few days to see family (unless we're talking Oz/UK or something)? I understand you are sad, but if you stay stuck in the "but I just want to be with my family" you'll always be sad and it's not good for your DD either. Why not organise something to do with all of you and DH? Go somewhere for a weekend break or something similar?