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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my brother-in-law and partner are copying us?

130 replies

maria199 · 04/04/2026 23:55

I feel like my husband’s brother and his partner are ‘copying’ us. My husband’s older brother is known to copy him and has done throughout his life. It really annoys my husband but he is often told to try to not let it bother him. Now I feel I am noticing a bit of a pattern with him and his partner and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable to feel like this?

Our daughter was born at the end of October (our first baby) and when I was pregnant we had shared names we liked. One of the names was a boy name that was very meaningful to me and I was told at the time that was their “favourite name” and what they would call their baby (they were not pregnant). My husband said another boys name he liked and then suddenly a couple of weeks later that was the name they were going to call their hypothetical baby. We ended up having a girl and forgot all about it. They have announced they are having a baby due mid November and a boys name for them is the name my husband said he liked. I don’t care as we definitely cannot gatekeep names, but it’s just a thing to add to the ‘copying’.

I had a miscarriage 2 months before being pregnant with my daughter, so when I was pregnant with her we got 2 early scans as I was very anxious (I calmed down a lot later on in pregnancy). They have had an early scan and have another one booked in 2 weeks. Again, completely their right and nothing to do with me but it’s just another thing.

Last Easter we announced my pregnancy to our family at the family meal (I was 12 weeks) and then this year at the family Easter meal they have announced theirs (around 8 weeks pregnant). Again, nothing to do with me when people announce but just another thing.

My husband and I are married but I kept my name and our daughter has my name as this was something I was clear I wanted. Today at lunch they said that the baby will not have my brother-in-law’s name but will take his partners name. Again fine, but it’s another thing.

My daughter has gorgeous red hair, neither me or my husband have red hair at all. At lunch my brother-in-law’s partner was saying she’s a natural red head and the baby will likely come out ginger. An odd comment to make I feel?

When they told us about their pregnancy they told us the day they found out and followed it by saying that the baby will be almost exactly a year after ours and that’s what they wanted. At the time I thought nothing of it, but again looking back it seems like an odd comment to make.

They mentioned some prams they looked at and one of the ones they like is the one we have. Again, I can’t gatekeep a pram but it’s just another thing.

I am very happy for them and looking forward to meeting my niece/nephew in the future. We get on very well and my husband and his brother are close. It just seems a lot things seem similar and I guess I’m not sure if I’m just being very self-centred in thinking this is a bit of ‘copying’ and therefore being unreasonable, or whether this just seems like a bunch of coincidences.

OP posts:
Seasonofthesticks · 04/04/2026 23:58

Try to see it as a compliment. My friend will constantly ask me where my clothes are from and buy the same thing or turn up wearing the same clothes as me, even kitchen and household appliances/ decor she copies off me. It did annoy me but I just tell myself I must have good taste and that helps

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2026 00:02

None of it sounds that unusual. The names thing is annoying. Maybe start dropping in decoy names, you have until November.

Childanddogmama · 05/04/2026 00:04

Hmm I'm not seeing anything that really stands out as copying, maybe at a stretch you might have influenced them in making their decisions.

LauraJaneGrace · 05/04/2026 00:04

You are not the only fan of any baby name.
You are not the only person in the world to have pregnancy scans.
You are not the only people allowed to announce a pregnancy.
You are not the only couple to conceive at a certain time of year.
You are not the only parents with a red haired child.
You are not the first people to give baby the mom's surname.

Unless your SIL has duplicated your exact same hairstyle, decorated her house exactly the same as yours, bought the same model of car to follow you around in, changed her voice to sound like you and is considering changing careers and moving to your workplace, then I wouldn't worry about being " copied"

PawMaw · 05/04/2026 00:07

I think you are over thinking most of this

TellMeWhatToWear · 05/04/2026 00:09

The name thing is a bit annoying, but frankly this is one reason of many why it’s generally not a great idea to tell people what names you’re thinking of.

The rest all just sound like coincidence? Totally normal to announce a pregnancy at an “event” if there’s one at the right time. Early scans are common. Assuming she is a redhead that’s a normal thing to wonder about. There aren’t that many pushchair brands to choose from. They might have been a bit influenced by you - if a friend has a pushchair she likes I’d probably consider it, you having early scans might make them think that’s an option for them. But on the basis of what you’ve said, “copying” seems pushing it.

Eenameenadeeka · 05/04/2026 00:13

The only thing that could be copying is the names, but there's nothing to say that it's not just a coincidence that they both liked the same names already.
Getting pregnant, announcing pregnancy and having ultrasound scans are all completely normal things most people do and absolutely nothing to do with copying you at all. Odd for you to think that way.

ImLeavingWalford · 05/04/2026 00:13

@maria199 The surname situation doesn’t sound like copying, it sounds as though your DH has a hideous surname that neither you or partner of BIL will inflict on yourselves or DC?

CalmLemonCrab · 05/04/2026 00:32

Huh? Coping you because she got an early scan? I am astonished at how self centred some people are 😂

DysmalRadius · 05/04/2026 00:36

The name thing is a bit annoying, but then you can only like a name you've heard so if you discuss names before a baby is born (never a good idea unless you are absolutely certain and will not care/feel obliged to change if someone else uses it!) then that could always happen.

The other stuff seems like a reach or that you are making those connections because you're narked about the name situation - babies get announced, scanned, have prams, and grow hair, and people will talk about it. You could have said most of those things about 95% of the people who have kids on this board, I suspect.

Endofyear · 05/04/2026 01:26

None of this actually matters, does it? If they are copying you, so what? Let them.

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/04/2026 04:08

Never reveal your list of potential baby names. Ever. I’ve had three sons and didn’t discuss baby names with anyone. Apart from my husband!

Dalmationday · 05/04/2026 04:16

I think you sound a bit immature. Lots of these things are normal life. It’s not about you

Idontknownowwhat · 05/04/2026 04:29

It sounds like youre a couple they look upto, and theyre taking a leaf out of your book. In some ways it sounds like theyve gone. 2 private scans is just what you do....and done it.
This pram is a good, solid, fashionable choice. Lets put it on our list.
SIL and BIL announced their pregnancy last easter at the family meal. A perfect time when were all together...
Their mentioning they wanted a child a year later, also isnt that unusual. Lots of brothers want kids at a similar time so their kids are close. The year may be so the cousins are close in age but your DD got a year of being adored as the eldest first.

I think if youre looking at it in the way of them copying, it will rub the wrong way, but instead id view it as theyre adults of a similar standing with all these things. You could become closer and may bond over shared similarities as parents. Id prefer people around me with similar likes, interests etc instead of the opposite who needed to have things "their way" or loudly object to my views.

HungryHerbivore · 05/04/2026 04:32

Are you 12?

HelenaWaiting · 05/04/2026 04:35

Pinkflamingo10 · 05/04/2026 04:08

Never reveal your list of potential baby names. Ever. I’ve had three sons and didn’t discuss baby names with anyone. Apart from my husband!

Why? My cousin has the same name as my brother. No one minds and it hardly matters. Why are people so anal these days?

tygertygers · 05/04/2026 04:38

You think they were so impressed by your Easter lunch announcement they started planning to do the same thing the following Easter?

tryandbepositive · 05/04/2026 04:38

So not copying you. All pretty standard stuff. There are only so many prams to look at etc and it can be what’s in fashion not what you specifically have.

Onthemaintrunkline · 05/04/2026 04:49

If this is how you feel, it’s how you feel. But in future I’d be a lot more careful with what I shared with your BIL and his partner.

Zanatdy · 05/04/2026 04:50

I don’t see an issue, just take it as a compliment that someone is taking the lead from you. The announcement timing is likely as family are gathered for Easter, so not like they are deliberately announcing at Easter because you did, but no other event like this now.

Calendulaaria · 05/04/2026 04:58

You seem very competitive with them. I'm sure there's enough love and attention in the family for everyone.

OCDmama · 05/04/2026 05:06

They've seen a couple they're close to go through a first pregnancy before them and like many are taking notes. It's not fucking unusual.

mjf981 · 05/04/2026 05:08

This seems like minor things that you've made in to a bigger deal than they are. Why do you care? Just do your own thing.

MikeRafone · 05/04/2026 05:08

Tbh it doesn’t sound to me like this couple are copying you, more like life events have happened to them after you.

wordler · 05/04/2026 05:21

Life is just not that varied - it’s not copying it’s that you just both live a regular ordinary middle class life.