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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my brother-in-law and partner are copying us?

130 replies

maria199 · 04/04/2026 23:55

I feel like my husband’s brother and his partner are ‘copying’ us. My husband’s older brother is known to copy him and has done throughout his life. It really annoys my husband but he is often told to try to not let it bother him. Now I feel I am noticing a bit of a pattern with him and his partner and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable to feel like this?

Our daughter was born at the end of October (our first baby) and when I was pregnant we had shared names we liked. One of the names was a boy name that was very meaningful to me and I was told at the time that was their “favourite name” and what they would call their baby (they were not pregnant). My husband said another boys name he liked and then suddenly a couple of weeks later that was the name they were going to call their hypothetical baby. We ended up having a girl and forgot all about it. They have announced they are having a baby due mid November and a boys name for them is the name my husband said he liked. I don’t care as we definitely cannot gatekeep names, but it’s just a thing to add to the ‘copying’.

I had a miscarriage 2 months before being pregnant with my daughter, so when I was pregnant with her we got 2 early scans as I was very anxious (I calmed down a lot later on in pregnancy). They have had an early scan and have another one booked in 2 weeks. Again, completely their right and nothing to do with me but it’s just another thing.

Last Easter we announced my pregnancy to our family at the family meal (I was 12 weeks) and then this year at the family Easter meal they have announced theirs (around 8 weeks pregnant). Again, nothing to do with me when people announce but just another thing.

My husband and I are married but I kept my name and our daughter has my name as this was something I was clear I wanted. Today at lunch they said that the baby will not have my brother-in-law’s name but will take his partners name. Again fine, but it’s another thing.

My daughter has gorgeous red hair, neither me or my husband have red hair at all. At lunch my brother-in-law’s partner was saying she’s a natural red head and the baby will likely come out ginger. An odd comment to make I feel?

When they told us about their pregnancy they told us the day they found out and followed it by saying that the baby will be almost exactly a year after ours and that’s what they wanted. At the time I thought nothing of it, but again looking back it seems like an odd comment to make.

They mentioned some prams they looked at and one of the ones they like is the one we have. Again, I can’t gatekeep a pram but it’s just another thing.

I am very happy for them and looking forward to meeting my niece/nephew in the future. We get on very well and my husband and his brother are close. It just seems a lot things seem similar and I guess I’m not sure if I’m just being very self-centred in thinking this is a bit of ‘copying’ and therefore being unreasonable, or whether this just seems like a bunch of coincidences.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 05/04/2026 05:25

I cant say the op is this or not but when I do hear about people afraid they are being copied it seems a bit narcissistic to me

WarmHare · 05/04/2026 05:44

It sounds like you’ve recently been pregnant/had a newborn and now that your BIL’s partner is going through that you’re maybe a bit jealous & instead of trying to rationalise this response you’ve decided to centre yourself in all their decisions & make them the villains

Happytaytos · 05/04/2026 05:57

Lots of over think going on here.

JMSA · 05/04/2026 06:04

I love how you put ‘I mean, I don’t care, it’s just another example’ after each comparison.
Clearly you do care 😄
And if they really were copycats, you’d have noticed before now. Every example you’ve given is baby related! Unless they’re driving around in the same car as you …

BoogieTownTop · 05/04/2026 06:16

Nothing jumps out, but honestly you mentioning they’re looking at a pram like yours?? You’re honestly concerned about that? I mean I don’t know a lot about prams, but surely their isn’t an endless array and they may well feel if you’ve got it a d are happy with it, it’s a good option? Not that they’ve even bought it yet!

Honestly, it sounds like you’re looking for things!

Giraffehaver · 05/04/2026 06:22

So what if they are, although I think your examples are rather tenuous.
Don't share name ideas or as pp said give them false ones

JulietteHasAGun · 05/04/2026 06:29

Apart from the name thing which is a bit annoying (but why share which names you like and take the risk) the rest of it doesn’t sound like copying. Sounds like they’re just living their lives and you’re placing far too much on your perceived importance in their lives.

If she’s a natural red head of course she would make a comment that the baby might be ginger. Why is that an odd comment, seems very normal to me.

announcing pregnancies at Easter…..guess it makes sense to do it when the family is together. It’s really no big deal.

keeping surnames is quite common now, no big deal. You didn’t invent the concept.

the pram thing makes sense. If I had a friend or relative who was happy with their pram I’d get the same one.

OhBettyCalmDown · 05/04/2026 06:33

On the face of it the scans and the announcement could all be very much a coincidence. It’s not unusual to want extra scans, even more so if you’ve been made anxious by the experience of a family member or a friend. It also makes sense to tell your family members at a family gathering. As for baby names there’s thousand of situations where people have shared names and a relative has copied or used it before the original couple. As for a pram i would 100% tell anyone to copy a pram if they thought it met their needs. I have been through 4 different prams and all of them were a pain in the arse for various reasons. I never did find the right one.

That being said if this is on the back of a lifetime of other decisions it can be very grating. When I was younger I had a relative who used to get the same Christmas or birthday gifts despite a 4 year age gap, same clothes and accessories, same bedroom decoration, same hair style and it was very grating. Now they’ve grown out of it and live their own life but if this had followed into adulthood i can’t pretend i wouldn’t find it tiresome. Just keep your ideas to yourself and if your feeling particularly petty throw in a few red herrings to see if they take the bait

chateauneufdupapa · 05/04/2026 06:34

You’re being weird. They are just doing the things everyone does who is having a baby…

sammylady37 · 05/04/2026 06:35

The main character syndrome is strong here!

Newtwopothouse · 05/04/2026 06:35

These threads are always the same. It’s always the most utterly ordinary things. I got pregnant. I had a scan. We announced the pregnancy at a family gathering. We bought some standard make of pushchair. We decided to call the baby Jack/Oliver /Sophia. All things huge segments of the population do all the time.

It’s never ‘decided to quit my job and retrain as a Buddhist monk’, ‘bought a donkey sanctuary’, ‘wrote a novel about planespottters dogging’, named the baby Antarctica.

JG24 · 05/04/2026 06:38

There's not one thing on that list that seems like copying. Unless the name they chose was incredibly unusual

Changingplace · 05/04/2026 06:46

I’m surprised you think any of the things you’ve done are in any way so unique or unconventional that this amounts to ‘copying’.

Just you wait, now you have kids the same age they’ll do similar perfectly normal things their entire lives, will you think they’re ’copying’ when they send their child to nursery, then school, pick similar GCSEs or decide whether to go to uni?

Focus on your own, very normal quite predictable lives and child, you can’t gatekeep such standard things in life.

Pipsquiggle · 05/04/2026 06:46

None of these copying events individually is a big deal but the repetition is suspect.

On the pram thing, I don't think there is anything in that. I was the last to have DC in my friendship group. One of the most useful purchases I made was 'copying' my friends pram and not doing hours of research

Try to mention more boys names between now and the birth.

TheChosenTwo · 05/04/2026 06:47

They’re not going to choose a baby name they don’t like just to spite you 😂

I mean you yourself acknowledge every point by saying it’s all fine, not a big deal, but just another thing. So I don’t know what the problem is.
all your examples are very generic and not unusual.

Didimum · 05/04/2026 06:51

I think these are very weak examples. It seems like very childish thinking on your part. Just live your life – none of this impacts you at all.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/04/2026 06:52

Not copying you, you’re overthinking this.

LittleMi55Nobody · 05/04/2026 06:53

maria199 · 04/04/2026 23:55

I feel like my husband’s brother and his partner are ‘copying’ us. My husband’s older brother is known to copy him and has done throughout his life. It really annoys my husband but he is often told to try to not let it bother him. Now I feel I am noticing a bit of a pattern with him and his partner and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable to feel like this?

Our daughter was born at the end of October (our first baby) and when I was pregnant we had shared names we liked. One of the names was a boy name that was very meaningful to me and I was told at the time that was their “favourite name” and what they would call their baby (they were not pregnant). My husband said another boys name he liked and then suddenly a couple of weeks later that was the name they were going to call their hypothetical baby. We ended up having a girl and forgot all about it. They have announced they are having a baby due mid November and a boys name for them is the name my husband said he liked. I don’t care as we definitely cannot gatekeep names, but it’s just a thing to add to the ‘copying’.

I had a miscarriage 2 months before being pregnant with my daughter, so when I was pregnant with her we got 2 early scans as I was very anxious (I calmed down a lot later on in pregnancy). They have had an early scan and have another one booked in 2 weeks. Again, completely their right and nothing to do with me but it’s just another thing.

Last Easter we announced my pregnancy to our family at the family meal (I was 12 weeks) and then this year at the family Easter meal they have announced theirs (around 8 weeks pregnant). Again, nothing to do with me when people announce but just another thing.

My husband and I are married but I kept my name and our daughter has my name as this was something I was clear I wanted. Today at lunch they said that the baby will not have my brother-in-law’s name but will take his partners name. Again fine, but it’s another thing.

My daughter has gorgeous red hair, neither me or my husband have red hair at all. At lunch my brother-in-law’s partner was saying she’s a natural red head and the baby will likely come out ginger. An odd comment to make I feel?

When they told us about their pregnancy they told us the day they found out and followed it by saying that the baby will be almost exactly a year after ours and that’s what they wanted. At the time I thought nothing of it, but again looking back it seems like an odd comment to make.

They mentioned some prams they looked at and one of the ones they like is the one we have. Again, I can’t gatekeep a pram but it’s just another thing.

I am very happy for them and looking forward to meeting my niece/nephew in the future. We get on very well and my husband and his brother are close. It just seems a lot things seem similar and I guess I’m not sure if I’m just being very self-centred in thinking this is a bit of ‘copying’ and therefore being unreasonable, or whether this just seems like a bunch of coincidences.

do you over-think in other aspects of your life or just with your brother in law ?

AlwaysLookOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 05/04/2026 06:56

Some of the 'copying' you see is a huge stretch. Why not just say you don't like them...

JumpinJellyfish · 05/04/2026 06:57

You’re massively overthinking.

On the hair, if you have a red-haired baby that means that you and DH must both carry the recessive red-haired gene, so it is likely that BIL does too (25-50% chance). This probably wasn’t apparent until your baby was born. If SIL has red hair (and so 2 x red hair genes) it is very likely (3:1) that their baby will be red-haired. Not sure how this scientific fact could possibly be perceived as “copying” you when it’s outside their control. It’s totally normal to wonder what your baby might look like.

The names is potentially annoying though you may never have a son anyway. The rest is just them doing the totally standard things that every couple does who have a baby.

PoppinjayPolly · 05/04/2026 06:58

sammylady37 · 05/04/2026 06:35

The main character syndrome is strong here!

Severely!! Re daughter has gorgeous red hair, neither me or my husband have red hair at all. At lunch my brother-in-law’s partner was saying she’s a natural red head and the baby will likely come out ginger. An odd comment to make I feel?
or maybe…. Were you and dh talking how odd it is she’s a red head with neither of you red heads, and as is the flow of conversation she said, “actually I am under the balayage, so our baby could also be!” Unless… you mean her ancestors copied yours with the genetics?! 😵‍💫
are they going to copy you by giving birth in a hospital too?!

PoppinjayPolly · 05/04/2026 06:59

Oooh much better with the science bit @JumpinJellyfish !

Myneighbourisanosyoldgit · 05/04/2026 07:01

A lot of this is not copying anyone, they just live a similar life to you.
It's a bit like when you drive a green car, green cars become a subconcious thought and you notice more of them although it's not a common car colour.
You seem to be subconciously picking up on these things that are similar to your choices. Probably overthinking it as a result.

SALaw · 05/04/2026 07:01

I couldn’t get excited about any of the things that you’ve listed to be honest.

Starbubble · 05/04/2026 07:03

is this her first baby? If so have you thought that they may feel a little uncertain about what to do? With the scans they mayve thought that you were sensible/safe to have two and that’s why they’ve done that. The other things I don’t feel they’re copying at all, we all have names that others like, the red hair comment possibly just being nice and making conversation possibly about how your children may look similar? announcing at Easter - it’s a family get together, makes sense to do it. If you get all get along why does it feel like you’re nit-picking things that don’t really matter? Regardless of what others do we all pick up on energy - but equally we have to reflect on how we’re feeling in any given situation.

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