AIBU to decline social invitations when masking leaves me physically unwell?

[RiojaNcheese]

Can anyone comment please...severe hystamine reaction to people! Eek. Peri menopause has whacked me over the head and
then ever since an Audhd diag, I've been more mindful of my physical health & mental health.

For a long time Iv'e taken pain meds as well to combat nerve pain, but decided to wean off a year ago, up certain supplements, increase water etc. (Nothing complicated, just standard stuff) Since then, along with a better understanding of social burnout etc I have noticed visceral reactions to others😬 It's horrific trying to hide it as essentially I'm quite mild (I have a job that impacts massively) and this takes up more social battery than before.

Outside of this I am no longer willing to sacrifice my health to people please but it's impacting my ability to appear polite!😬 but i also dont want to be toxic myself by acting like a wally and isolating myself!!

I quite look forward to going out sometimes and have a kind, thoughtful husband who is trying to understand...im trying not to be a pain or to come accross as rude but i increasingly don't like people.😔
All of a sudden over the past year i notice;
Any sort of cattiness, any entitled behaviour that puts anyone else down, anyone false or with ill intent seems to JUMP out at me in a room. I have no idea what's happened but it's like I've had my eyes opened and I now can't "unsee". It literally waves over me.

It's so stark that I now have hystamine reactions a few hours after social situations where I am having to mask / listen to others talking incessantly about themselves...
The thing is I used to be fine with it. I don't want to talk about myself anyway, so im totally fine asking questions and I'd get by with making a fuss of others (i used to anyway...)

I had to attend a "do" a while ago and of course was polite & doing the social thing but the following morning out the blue, I suffered an allergic reaction, head thumping, bright red purple neck and dizzy.. and fainted. It was terrifying.
It's not linked to food as I hadn't eaten and not alcohol related.
I've had the a similar reaction, bright, hot neck flush, itchy lips, dizzy, thumping head then horrific tummy cramps for a few hours, after every social situation that has meant me masking.
I hadn't thought about there being a link so its not psychosymatic.

I was out last night,had one drink, felt relaxed until my partner's friends joined us unexpectedly. Admittedly, the pub was very busy and there were lots of older teens so some erratic squeels and shouty behaviour🤣 but it was good natured and didnt feel threatening, but after about 60 mins of the other couple talking about various high brow experiences they had paid for over the years and lots of holiday snaps of expensive holidays and comments about the locals being rather poor...😳 i didnt want to over think it because everyone is different and they have the right to their opinion but the odd comment was jarring me horribly😮‍💨..i started to feel dizzy and exhausted. Smiling through it, i realised my face was starting to flush and my neck and inside of my mouth was itchy.
I wasn't breathless or panicky...but I did not wsnt to be there anymore.

I was deffo making other couple feel "off" and in the end i excused myself saying i had ear ache and a headache from it and i sat upstairs in the smoking area for 20 mins just to be somewhere quiet.

I was desperate not to appear rude. I was trying so hard for my husband, but I have now, for giving those few hours yesterday...spent today polaxed.
I don't want to offend anyone, I dont want to be rude etc but I see the world very differently the last 12months and I don't quite know how to convince my body not to freak out in front of other humans.
I could quite happily cut out about 80% of the people i know and never see them again but know this isnt reasoanable of me.
I am wondering weather, for my own sanity and so as not to cause my husband embarrassment.im wondering weatjer to simply decline social invites..
Help please..😵‍💫

I don’t enjoy social situations, unless they’re small. I find other people overwhelming if I don’t have much in common with them- thought-wise. I can’t help that, so I try to avoid those situations.

I don’t think anyone genuinely hates people, usually they’re very uncomfortable within themselves and blame other people for making them feel like this.

Of course they don’t.

But the people who claim to hate all other people invariably fail to join the dots and see that the common factor that links all these traumatic dinner parties and pub visits is them.

If people in these posts were open about struggling with social situations and acknowledged their own insecurities others would be far kinder. Saying “I am struggling with social anxiety, help please” would be the grown up way to deal with it. Rather than saying everyone apart from you (and usually your husband) is an arsehole.

Claiming to “hate people” is the psychology of a primary school child who has learned nothing from interacting with others and has to constantly centre him or herself.

Exactly.

You sound like hard work. Stay home for everyone’s sake.

Guaranteed the op will be thinking “oh the nasty vipers, I’ve been bullied, woe is me” rather than actually think…. “You know what, perhaps they have a point”

Yep. What’s particularly irritating about posts like this is an OP coming up with an entirely bogus quasi scientific cover story for a long bitch-a-thon about a number of supposedly close friends and relatives. None of whom anyone knows.

We are just being recruited to bolster her prejudices and insecurities by supporting the idea that everyone else is the problem.

OP if you are still reading maybe try getting some help with social skills before writing everyone else off.

It’s not uncommon for some people sensitive to histamine to get a histamine dump in crowded places. Of course decline but take a non drowsy anti histamine before you are in crowded places if you need to go. There are histamine intolerance chat groups - my auadhd family member has it. Unfortunately they also suffer from Autistic burnout.

It is a thing - my daughter’s gastro just diagnosed her with histamine sensitivity after a blood test and people with this do have issues in crowded places. Could be the stress but could also be exposure to lots of smells. Newly diagnosed daughter so just learning to understand it.

ask for your post to be moved to the Sen boards - people who know people who mask socially will be more compassionate

Ultimately it’s the OP who lives a pretty shitty life because of an inability to have any kind of insight or understanding so I wouldn’t feel too irritated.

@thanks2 I agree!

Some really unpleasant comments on this thread...

I am neurodivergent OP and I find talking to people, even people I really like, physically and mentally exhausting. I usually can do about an hour then start struggling with getting words out and with following conversations. I struggle with noises and crowds.

I am better when talking ro one or two people but can't socialise in groups.

Often I will also starring having physical symptoms like stomach pain and it makes me incredibly self conscious. Only this week I visited a friend for about an hour, had a lovely chat but on my way to the train felt unwell and ended up being sick in the station bathroom...none of these symptoms crop up when I am at home.

If I go out somewhere for just an hour or so it takes me an entire day to recover.

So I have to limit interactions. It is just the way it is.

Suggesting that the OP is "hard work" for something she might have no control over is truly uncalled for.

It is sad that so many people still don't understand in 2026 that not every human is an extrovert who can conduct social interactions with no issues. Some of us are not naturally built that way and that should be accepted and understood better.

Everything you say is perfectly valid.
It's not what the OP said. Or even close.

Spend a minute re reading the OP. Slowly.

Sure. The neurodivergent poster needs to be reminded to read things "slowly" and to keep her mouth shut...

Bloody hell.

You are so thin skinned as to be almost transparent

and prone to extreme hyperbole by the look of it

Exactly.

Keep digging.

I know many people who mask socially, there are many neurodiverse people in my life and am completely familiar with the concept.

But that’s not what’s happening here. This is someone using the language of ND as a cover story to be deeply unpleasant about everyone in their life.

If neurodiversity is the issue here the OP needs to minimise social interaction or find better coping mechanisms.

But going off on a rant about “hating people” is failing to face or understand a complex issue and seeking to recruit others to turn everyone else into the scapegoat.

I am so tired of these highly toxic “hate people” screeds. If you really hate people, get help with it instead if trying to blame others for it.

you can’t be happy, seeing shadows everywhere you go. You simply can’t be.

This is someone using the language of ND as a cover story to be deeply unpleasant about everyone in their life.

nailed it. Again

There is no help for autism or treatment to get rid of it. Social difficulties are a key part to diagnosis and all traits need to have a significant impact on life.

To tell disabled people to just get on with their disability or erase it is abelist.

Sounds like mcas or an allergy to alcohol to me. Just because you were fine with alcohol in the past doesn't mean you'll always be fine with it, hormonal changes in peri can exacerbate lots of allergies.

@Thepeopleversusworki think with me, i find it so difficult socialising. I can feel really resentful towards people, at times feeling like I didn’t like them at all, well thats what I thought I was feeling, but I think its more the anxiety the social situation brings for me that I’m resentful off.
It’s definitely got worse for me in times of high stress and burn out.
I wonder if this is how the op feels.