AIBU to refuse to allow a friend to stay because of her candle obsession?

[LikeACandleInTheBin]

A friend has asked to stay with me as she has done before but she is completely obsessed with candles and I hate having them in the house for anything other than emergencies because of the fire risk and she’s far from careful with them as she’ll go to the shop and leave them on or even go to bed.

She brought them into my home and used them when I told her not to. This was a few years ago but I don’t trust her not to sneak them in again especially as she doesn’t see that leaving them on while she goes out is incredibly foolish.

I’ve recently moved to flats so she’d also be risking my neighbours in addition to my pets.

AIBU to refuse to allow her to stay unless she definitely leaves the candles at home?

Just text her first and ask her not to bring any!

Definitely not unreasonable. Anyone who cannot abide by your rules in your home doesn’t come over. Simple as that. They would expect the same level of respect in their home!

I loathe candles and won't have them in the house for reasons such as yours. No way would I invite a friend who'd brought them into my house.

You are right, they are a major fire risk.

Very weird of her to sneak them in to someone else’s house and light them.

Tell her that naked flames will set off the sprinkler system in the whole block.

Anyone who brought candles to my home and lit them against my express wishes would never, ever be invited again.

They are so dangerous.

Does she ignore requests not to bring any?

YANBU. Apart from the fire risk, they smoke - DH used to like them in the bathroom until I made him wash the tiles.

And beyond that, this really is a ‘my house, my rules’ issue - no one needs candles. If it’s that she likes scent, would diffuser sticks be a good solution?

You missed this part:
"She brought them into my home and used them when I told her not to."

That’s drivel though. That only happens in extremely high-risk locations, like oil refineries and the like.

Yanbu. You can't trust her. What a weird thing to do when u asked her not to. I utterly loathe candles

I know someone whose brother burnt half the house down with a candle, he lit it, forgot it and left the house, the candle fell and set fire to the carpet. Your friend needs to stay at home if she can't comply with a simple request like no candles

@LikeACandleInTheBin

Is she a witch?

She brought them into my home and used them when I told her not to. This was a few years ago but I don’t trust her not to sneak them in again especially as she doesn’t see that leaving them on while she goes out is incredibly foolish.

she has form for ignoring your wishes and lying.

I can't imagine being friends with someone who behaves like that. I certainly wouldn't be happy with her staying in my home with that attitude. if the worst happens she won't have to suffer the consequences, you would and she seems incapable of restraining her weird obsession for candles.

Surely it's a hard No.

That's weird. And I wouldn't trust her given that she snuck one in after you asked her not to.

I bet she just drives you mad candle or no candle 😊

Search her bags every time she comes through the door. IF you let her stay.

I'd just sack her off, she sounds like a menace.

They’re against the lease where I live, no candles, no bbqs, no washing near the windows….

Who the hell brings candles with them when they're visiting people?? Absolutely bonkers

She sounds like a complete idiot.
Why do you even want her to stay in your home.

I can’t quite get my head around the ott comments on here about candles, but whatever the opinion, if you’ve asked her not to do something in your house, and she has disobeyed you, then you have every justification for not allowing her back.

Yeah, I don’t blame you. Who brings candles when they visit people? Odd.

You have every right to refuse ANYONE into your home, for ANY reason you wish.

Whether you'll have the guts to do it, is another story, especially as you're asking strangers online to give you the oompf to put your foot down.

But for some PP here to malign a perfectly safe object (in the hands of responsible adults who don't leave them on when out/asleep) is typical mumsnet batshittery of the half term level. Washing the tiles, indeed...

I think PP meant it as an excuse.

I can’t quite get my head around the ott comments on here about candles,

What's ott about saying candles are a fire hazard? They are, especially if left burning with no-one watching.