AIBU to refuse to allow a friend to stay because of her candle obsession?

[LikeACandleInTheBin]

A friend has asked to stay with me as she has done before but she is completely obsessed with candles and I hate having them in the house for anything other than emergencies because of the fire risk and she’s far from careful with them as she’ll go to the shop and leave them on or even go to bed.

She brought them into my home and used them when I told her not to. This was a few years ago but I don’t trust her not to sneak them in again especially as she doesn’t see that leaving them on while she goes out is incredibly foolish.

I’ve recently moved to flats so she’d also be risking my neighbours in addition to my pets.

AIBU to refuse to allow her to stay unless she definitely leaves the candles at home?

Of course I clean my tiles, no need for disingenuousness. I just don't force anyone to do it after every candlelit bath.

Thanks all. I think that it’ll be a no from me.

I’m not a fan of candles generally. I get no pleasure from them and I don’t especially want to breathe in the fumes as I have asthma so they wouldn’t interest me even without the fire risk. Each to their own though.

My friend is a fan of manifestation, crystals, mediums, spells and such things and for her the candles are an important part of manifestation and other rituals. Again each to their own but I don’t want them in my house.

I think the point the original poster was making was her dh won’t have realised the scummy residue candles leave in a room until he cleaned the tiles…

My friend is a fan of manifestation, crystals, mediums, spells and such things and for her the candles are an important part of manifestation and other rituals.

So she's basically bat shit crazy AND doesn't respect your house rules. And she's your friend because ?

Batshittery? I won't have any form of naked flame in the house apart from the gas hob. Some people's lives have been touched by fire. Think before you mock people.

Read the original post ...

This happened to my dickhead neighbour

One of the then teens had lit a candle in her bedroom and gone out for the evening with her father

Candle 'caught' a curtain and whoosh

Mother was at home but was downstairs and didnt realise and first she knew was when she smelt smoke

Thankfully,all got out alive (her and the pets) but only just

They lost everything and had to start from scratch as they had no insurance (but did set up a gofundme)

Cost them a relationship with her father (who they'd moved in with while the council sorted the house) and he'd had enough of them by the time they moved back home

She might be a bullying dickhead but nobody deserved that

If a guest had done anything in my home that I had specifically asked them not to do, they wouldn’t be invited back. Depending what it was, I might even drop them altogether. If they had done something dangerous they would get a colourful earful before being dropped.

Agreed 😊 batshittery aside, the ops friend was disrespectful.

I would tell her that you will not be letting her stay again as last time she ignored your request not to bring or use candles in your home.

No need to make excuses 🤷‍♀️

I enjoy lighting a candle to pray however i wouldnt disrespect someones wishes in their own home

I love candles ( only unscented) I currently 3 burning .
And yes obviously they can be dangerous if they are not handled properly but there must be millions of candles sold throughout the year that don't set fire to houses.

All that said , there is no way I would let anyone bring anything into my home that I specifically asked them not to.

How bizarre

No one said anything about doing it after every candlelit bath???

So she knows which candles to light when performing the powerful and highly-effective 'getting thrown out of my friend's house' spell, then?!

In the USA, most older high rises don’t have sprinkler systems.
However, in keeping with modern fire safety regulations, most modern high rises do.
And they don’t all go off at once lol.
They’re a little bit more sophisticated than that.
If there’s a fire in one unit, that unit’s sprinklers will set off - if the fire spreads, both alarms and sprinklers in adjacent units will set off.

So, in others words, she’s fucking mental.

I wouldn't want her to stay with or without candles. She sounds bonkers.

Ah Susie, I’d love to have you to stay but unfortunately can’t with the candles issue. Let’s meet for dinner instead.

Not unreasonable. But your irrational “fear” of her bringing a candle is unreasonable. Stand your ground and tell her

I like candles and have plenty in my home, many in valuable old candlesticks and candelabra. But it's only the ones in the cellar that are occasionally lit, and always extinguished when I go back upstairs.

As for the others, I take selected ones out and light them when dining in the courtyard or amongst the trees.

I only have tealights in my home, and they are in proper holders, never close to soft furnishings and I don’t light them often any way.

I agree that candles can be dangerous if used carelessly, but this thread is classic Mumsnet.
“Sounds unhinged.”
”Basically batshit crazy.”
”She’s fucking mental.”
”She sounds bonkers.”
”Stevie Nicks-like pagan goddess.”

You forgot long winded justifications of how and why they use candles safely, and are therefore not a stevie nix type pagan 😂😂

Specifically only in very valuable candelabras 😁