AIBU to say no to grandparents' birthday plans on my weekend?

[3sausagedogs]

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Kids dad hasn’t seen his kids for about 6 years, but his parents see them every other weekend. His parents hate me because we’re not together. The birthday weekend is my weekend, but the grandmother went away last weekend so didn’t have the kids for her weekend. So she’s decided to book a restaurant, cakes, balloons etc for my Saturday night to take the kids out. I said no to my daughter, it’s not her weekend and we fell out about it. My daughter is working Sunday and out with her friends on Monday so I won’t see her then. Am I bring unreasonable by getting upset and saying no. I want to do the Saturday night and do cake, balloons etc for her birthday and I feel she’s ruining it and wrong to ask

Well it seems to have sorted itself out and it’s been moved to Tuesday so you can do something nice with your daughter tonight. I do feel quite sorry for her. The grandmother is out of order and has put her in a very uncomfortable divided loyalties situation. Going forward I would try to make it easy for your daughter and not push back if a situation like this arises again. Also it’s a good idea to make firm arrangements early so it’s easy for your daughter to say sorry she can’t make it but something is already arranged for that night. She’s 18 now so it’s too late for you to get involved but she’ll want to spend more time with you if you make things easy than if she feels stressed.

Tell younger DD that it is entirely her decision if she wants to stop going to GP eow, as long as she tells them politely in advance that she is not coming. Try and stop a similar thing happening with her.
If big sister complains that she wasn't allowed to decide for herself, apologise and say that you thought you had to enforce it.
GP will probably bribe them to visit though, and undermine you every way money will buy. I'm sorry.

The GP’s missed their weekend to have DD because they went away so they need to wait until their next one, they don’t get to take yours without asking. If they wanted a swap they should have asked you when would be convenient.

She’s your DD and it’s a big birthday, of course you get first dibs on the celebration. The Grandparents need to rearrange. If they lose money, tough - they should have asked first not assumed.

Your daughter is going to be 18 so it should be up to her. Ask her what she wants to do then arrange something around that.

None of them are 'your' weekends. They're not raising your kids. They're not obligated to give you every other weekend to do as you please. We've never had any help at all in all 20 years of parenting. Yet here you are moaning because your kids grandparents want to swap you a week. Catch yourself on and realise how good you have it.

Are you in America? Because it's not as simple in the UK as just giving up your rights to your kids. Also, courts in UK don't rule anything to do with grandparents unless the kids live with them.

I imagine your custody arrangement isn't with your mother in law, so it's up to you. What does your daughter want though?

I wouldn't say that they are lucky that they were allowed to see their Grand daughter, they are her Grandparents after all.

True, but legally that gives them no rights whatsoever.
I’m a massive advocate for grandparents. I had wonderful grandparents that helped shape me in so many ways and my child have very close and loving relationships with their grandparents. All of them.
BUT that’s because they support us, and never undermine us as parents.
Grandparents that are unnecessarily critical and undermine the parents don’t deserve any contact with the children.

Id ask DD what she wants to do, if she decides to go to GPs then I'd make sure she doesn't go next week and I'd have a celebration with DD then, then, I would go back to the correct weeks but doubt she will want to go EOW now she's 18. But see what she wants to do, not very nice that they don't speak to you, but some parents are like that,.no matter what their son or daughter do to anyone they're always in the right. If she does decide to go out with them if tell her to make sure she says mom decided to be the bigger person in this but we will. Celebrate next weekend so I won't see you for the next 2 weekends. If she's still at home on her 21st arrange things well in advance and make sure they don't spoil that. Id say it's been done out of spite and bloody mindedness, no other reason.

Of course she could ... it was a power play and she lost.

They sound awful .. shame the courts insisted on their involvement to that level. They raised the violent bastard.

She is turning 18. Surely it is her decision.