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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents' birthday plans on my weekend?

112 replies

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:36

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Kids dad hasn’t seen his kids for about 6 years, but his parents see them every other weekend. His parents hate me because we’re not together. The birthday weekend is my weekend, but the grandmother went away last weekend so didn’t have the kids for her weekend. So she’s decided to book a restaurant, cakes, balloons etc for my Saturday night to take the kids out. I said no to my daughter, it’s not her weekend and we fell out about it. My daughter is working Sunday and out with her friends on Monday so I won’t see her then. Am I bring unreasonable by getting upset and saying no. I want to do the Saturday night and do cake, balloons etc for her birthday and I feel she’s ruining it and wrong to ask

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 03/04/2026 16:36

What does your daughter want?

Thehop · 03/04/2026 16:37

What does your daughter want to do

MakeMineStrong · 03/04/2026 16:38

Your daughter can decide! She’s 18!

Sirzy · 03/04/2026 16:38

She is 18, surely the key is what does she want to do?

ShetlandishMum · 03/04/2026 16:38

Daughter's choice but yes it's cheeky.

Violetparis · 03/04/2026 16:39

Your daughter should decide.

Dozer · 03/04/2026 16:40

Your DD’s grandmother (& ex’s mum) is U.

DD would be inconsiderate to prioritise seeing her grandparents over you on her birthday, if her GPs don’t treat you well.

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 16:41

Surely your daughter can make this decision?

Although I must say I'm amazed you've shared contact with his parents alternating weekends for so long and yet despite seeing them every other week she doesn't have any contact with her dad.

Smartiepants79 · 03/04/2026 16:42

You’re not wrong to be upset at the idea that you wouldn’t be the primary person celebrating your own child’s milestone birthday.
It’s poor behaviour from her grandparents. They’re lucky you’ve let them see her at all all these years.
Do I understand that DD wants to go though?? Why would she rather go out with grandparents than you to do essentially the same thing.

IWantToRattleTheTreeOfWisdomsBog · 03/04/2026 16:42

Your daughter is an adult. Having a shared weekend agreement of a working woman is, quite frankly, bizarre.

She can decide for herself, neither you, nor her grandparents get to decide.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 03/04/2026 16:43

I said no to my daughter

So your (basically) 18 yr old daughter wants go? I think at this point it’s not up to you what she does. Although I’d agree that her grandmother is being rude to just arrange this.

we fell out about it

You and your daughter, or you and her grandmother?

Boomer55 · 03/04/2026 16:43

Listen to your daughter. Her birthday, her choice.

Twasasurprise · 03/04/2026 16:44

Daughter's choice!

Original poster
3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

OP posts:
CinnamonBuns67 · 03/04/2026 16:46

She's 18, shes an adult and can decide how to spend her birthday and who she wants to spend it with. There's no more your weekend/their weekend with her anymore and if you continue to control an adults time, it'll be you she decides not to see.

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 16:49

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

I suspect she only asked her grandparents to change the date because you made such a fuss over it. Surely she communicated plans with your daughter in advance.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/04/2026 16:51

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

Granny was wrong to do something on your weekend esp as birthday

could granny come as well to your birthday meal /party plans esp as daughters 18th

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2026 16:52

More details needed.

What does your daughter want to do? Who has fallen out?

Hobbitfeet32 · 03/04/2026 16:53

Why don’t you just do something together with grandma? And agree with other posters this is up to your daughter really.

Happyjoe · 03/04/2026 16:54

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

Then grandma just doesn't get to do it?
She's made plans without talking to your daughter, she's being a cow because she knows that you, her mum would love to see your own daughter on her 18th, and now she's being stubborn.

While everything is up to your daughter, I hope she stays with you.

Happyjoe · 03/04/2026 16:54

Hobbitfeet32 · 03/04/2026 16:53

Why don’t you just do something together with grandma? And agree with other posters this is up to your daughter really.

Grandma hates the OP.

Tryagain26 · 03/04/2026 16:56

Your daughter is old enough to decide for herself.
Just let her decide.
It's very childish to be fighting over who gets to make a cake and buy balloons for an 18 year old
Surely you can both celebrate on different days?

Original poster
3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:58

I can’t do anything with the grandparents, they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty. He gave up his right to see his own children. His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children, they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no. Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

OP posts:
canklesmctacotits · 03/04/2026 16:58

Well if your DD doesn’t want to do grandma’s thing there’s no argument is there? DD just won’t turn up at DGM’s do 🤷🏼‍♀️

DurinsBane · 03/04/2026 16:58

You fell out with your daughter, or the grandmother?

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