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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to hope this heartbreaking story is a catalyst for change?

118 replies

homemadecarrotsoup · 03/04/2026 12:06

I hope this awful story underlines the need for specialist support for parents with disabled children. I work in a special school and have seen the struggles may parent face when it’s school holidays.

https://www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937 www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937]]]]

Poor little girl and her family. And the childminder who I am sure is distraught. Just a really awful story and there are no winners or villains in it.

OP posts:
BollyMolly · 03/04/2026 16:35

Plumblossomsbloom · 03/04/2026 14:45

Yes, but if the childminder took her on knowing that, then she shouldn't have and it was wrong of her to do so. She hasn't necessarily committed a crime, people are saying "manslaughter", but as you say that depends on the details.

If she's been professionally negligent though she could be sued for that and it seems pretty obvious that she has. It won't bring the child back and I'm not big in suing, my point is that she's to blame for what happened if she didn't follow instructions and agreed to take on the job of caring for this child knowing she couldn't meet the child's stated needs.

She's trained as a childminder, it's literally her job to care for children, so she can be considered professionally competent to decide whether she's able to do that, or not, for any particular child.

Cries of "she didn't know how bad the child was, it's not her fault", are bullshit. She wasn't a random friend or neighbour who may not have understood the child's needs, she's a trained professional running a business. If she "didn't know" the level of the child's needs, that's incompetence. It's literally her job to find out, how else can she expect to provide adequate care to a child?

If she thought she knew better than the parents and didn't need to follow their instructions, that's arrogance. If she thought she could do whatever suited her and nobody would find out she hadn't followed instructions, that's deception.

Whichever way you look at it, if the parents didn't lie about the child's needs and downplay how easily she escapes, then the childminder is to blame for not keeping the child safe. She didn't have to take the job on. A few questions should have showed her that.
Like -
"how do you keep your child inside at home?" We have 6ft fences and electronic door locks.
"I don't have that, is she likely to escape my property?" maybe, yes.
"How do you manage when you're out?" We don't take her out, ever. If we really really have to do something essential with her, she wears reins and we never ever let go not even for one second because she'll run off.
"Ok, I understand. I can't accommodate her needs because I have multiple children to look after and she sounds like she needs one-to-one care at all times, you'll have to look elsewhere for childcare".

How hard is it to have a one minute conversation that shows she shouldn't take on this child?

With the comments about how she told the parents she was out a lot with the children, and then took on this child who had to be locked inside, that says to me that she's tried to waive her legal and professional responsibility to look after this child properly by batting the details back to the parents. You can't sign away your legal responsibility by essentially saying "it's at your own risk". That's just tactics to dissuade people from complaining but it doesn't stand up in law. If she's running a business she ought to know that and if she doesn't know it, that's on her.

She can't blame the parents for her own incompetence in looking after their child. It's not their fault for leaving the child with an incompetent person, that might apply if they'd left the child with a friend, but they left her with a trained professional. One who, in this particular case, could have and should have carried out an adequate assessment to see if she could meet the child's needs, then declined the job because she couldn't.

If you acknowledge that it depends on the details, how can you go on to write a post vilifying the childminder?

Do you believe the parents have no responsibility to ensure that they use suitable childcare?

the parents may have made a request not to go out, but there’s a big difference between asking on your way out as you leave the child on their first day in a new setting and making it abundantly clear from your first contact that you need a setting where children stay inside all day and 1-1 care is a must.

Like you say, the childminder can’t blame the parents, but the parents can’t blame the childminder either. A tragic set of circumstances came together so it is unlikely that any one person is fully to blame, but the parents had as much responsibility here as the childminder did. They knew the child best and knew that the child had extremely high needs that couldn’t be met in a childminder setting, yet they chose to use the setting anyway. Even by asking for their child to stay in, they put the childminder in a very difficult position. The child’s needs were automatically played down by the parents when they chose a childminder, whatever they might have said.

CocoaTea · 03/04/2026 16:44

BollyMolly · 03/04/2026 13:25

It was an unrealistic and unreasonable instruction though. There must have been some misunderstanding somewhere because no childminder would knowingly place a child in danger like this.

OP - what is the charge that you think needs to happen?

If it was so unrealistic and such an unreasonable ask, why did the childminder accept the engagement?

homemadecarrotsoup · 03/04/2026 16:45

I have nothing but compassion for the parents and hope they have support around them.

OP posts:
Moonlightfrog · 03/04/2026 18:05

allthingsinmoderation · 03/04/2026 13:41

How sad .
Im still no the wiser as to what happened to Nyla .
Im not suggesting anyone is to blame but knowing how this happened to Nyla is important as there may be lessons that could help prevent such a tragedy .

From what I have read, Nyla drowned. She went missing during a trip out and was found dead in water on a golf course.

TheHateIsNotGood · 03/04/2026 18:16

From my many years bringing up autistic ds the amount of people I came across who 'thought' they knew all about caring for autistic dc (minimising it) is quite shocking.

donnylassy · 03/04/2026 18:37

It’s an absolutely tragedy. The mother did nothing wrong. She trusted a professional with experience of Sen to care for her child. This was someone who was recommended by people she knows. She was up front that her daughter was a flight risk and explained that they used reins. She trusted the childminder would risk assess accordingly.
For whatever reason the childminder did not use reins. Nobody knows other than the childminder why she chose not to but it’s a decision no doubt she will regret for the rest of her life.
The point is that parents of disabled children are often in a position of needing to use childcare that is not always equipt to manage disabled children safely. It’s the same with respite. Parents of disabled children need more support. If anything comes of this horrific incident let’s hope it’s recognition of that.
And remember a mother has lost a child, the last thing she deserves is judgement and guesswork.

x2boys · 03/04/2026 18:43

TheHateIsNotGood · 03/04/2026 18:16

From my many years bringing up autistic ds the amount of people I came across who 'thought' they knew all about caring for autistic dc (minimising it) is quite shocking.

Well exactly you see it all the time on here
People will comment on posts and say im autistic/ have autistic children
Which means nothing as they are only an expert in how autism impacts them / their children.

Silverbirchleaf · 03/04/2026 19:44

@BollyMolly

” Even by asking for their child to stay in, they put the childminder in a very difficult position.”

Why? If the child minder had complied, the tragic accident would not have happened.

somethingischasingme · 03/04/2026 20:36

x2boys · 03/04/2026 13:52

These are available
My son goes to a decision needs holiday club and the same club every other Saturday its based in his special school with high perimeter fencing etc
He also hss 4 nights a month in a respite home
The problem is its tsken years to get this level of respite its its area dependent and only usually available for those with the most complex needs.

As you say, it’s taken years and hard work to get the support you have. It isn’t the case for SEN families that they can call up a childminder or a holiday club and simply enrol. It takes time, effort, assessments, applications, meetings etc. AND it requires people to wok in these places. And where I am, respite facilities, after school clubs and specialist holiday clubs have all gone.

BollyMolly · 03/04/2026 21:11

Silverbirchleaf · 03/04/2026 19:44

@BollyMolly

” Even by asking for their child to stay in, they put the childminder in a very difficult position.”

Why? If the child minder had complied, the tragic accident would not have happened.

Because by their nature, childminders have other children to care for meaning that parents cannot expect the entire setting to cater for the needs of only one child when it would drastically impact the provision for all the other children.

We don’t know that the childminder did go out tbf, the child might have escaped from the home but either way, a childminder putting reins on a seven year old is not appropriate.

Silverbirchleaf · 03/04/2026 21:31

BollyMolly · 03/04/2026 21:11

Because by their nature, childminders have other children to care for meaning that parents cannot expect the entire setting to cater for the needs of only one child when it would drastically impact the provision for all the other children.

We don’t know that the childminder did go out tbf, the child might have escaped from the home but either way, a childminder putting reins on a seven year old is not appropriate.

I assumed the childminder was employed on a one-to- one basis.

Plumblossomsbloom · 03/04/2026 21:53

If you acknowledge that it depends on the details, how can you go on to write a post vilifying the childminder?

I acknowledge that prosecution for a crime depends on details. There may have been no crime committed. Blame for the death is another matter and IMO lays squarely at the childminders feet. She is the professional, so yes she can be blamed. If she didn't know she couldn't care for this child, it's because she didn't carry out a sufficient assessment of the child's needs and her capabilities to meet them, prior to accepting the job.

x2boys · 03/04/2026 23:32

somethingischasingme · 03/04/2026 20:36

As you say, it’s taken years and hard work to get the support you have. It isn’t the case for SEN families that they can call up a childminder or a holiday club and simply enrol. It takes time, effort, assessments, applications, meetings etc. AND it requires people to wok in these places. And where I am, respite facilities, after school clubs and specialist holiday clubs have all gone.

Yes i totally agree with.i could never have expected a typical child minder to be able to meet my sons needs he needs 1:1 to keep him safe

JustCabbaggeLooking · 03/04/2026 23:43

x2boys · 03/04/2026 23:32

Yes i totally agree with.i could never have expected a typical child minder to be able to meet my sons needs he needs 1:1 to keep him safe

Nor would I. My son is 38. His needs are obvious and I have never been able to leave him except in a truly 'professional' setting (and even that is sorely lacking tbh) but are you suggesting that the mother just placed her child with the childminder and didn't notify CM of her daughter's needs? I'd be shocked if she didn't.

JustCabbaggeLooking · 03/04/2026 23:52

donnylassy · 03/04/2026 18:37

It’s an absolutely tragedy. The mother did nothing wrong. She trusted a professional with experience of Sen to care for her child. This was someone who was recommended by people she knows. She was up front that her daughter was a flight risk and explained that they used reins. She trusted the childminder would risk assess accordingly.
For whatever reason the childminder did not use reins. Nobody knows other than the childminder why she chose not to but it’s a decision no doubt she will regret for the rest of her life.
The point is that parents of disabled children are often in a position of needing to use childcare that is not always equipt to manage disabled children safely. It’s the same with respite. Parents of disabled children need more support. If anything comes of this horrific incident let’s hope it’s recognition of that.
And remember a mother has lost a child, the last thing she deserves is judgement and guesswork.

And it gets no easier when the kind, sweet, gentle little boy grows to be a big hairy, kind, sweet, gentle man.
You trust.
Then you learn you have to live with the disappointment and fear.

x2boys · 04/04/2026 07:05

JustCabbaggeLooking · 03/04/2026 23:43

Nor would I. My son is 38. His needs are obvious and I have never been able to leave him except in a truly 'professional' setting (and even that is sorely lacking tbh) but are you suggesting that the mother just placed her child with the childminder and didn't notify CM of her daughter's needs? I'd be shocked if she didn't.

No of course not ,we dont know the full circumstances.

Sartre · 04/04/2026 17:50

I can’t believe how much has been posted on Facebook by both the parents and the childminder about this. Obviously have no idea how I’d deal with this as a parent (nor do I want to think about it) but Facebook would be the absolute least of my worries. Found it weird they both posted about it THE DAY SHE DIED.

Anyway, the childminder was informed the girl was non verbal and prone to eloping so needed wrist reins. The CM responded to say she has SEN training and currently cares for another non verbal child with SEN plus has safety measures in place e.g doors are always locked. Mum didn’t sign papers to agree to let her take her out anywhere, she took her out anyway (presumably without reins) and this is how the tragedy took place.

The CM did sell herself as an outdoorsy provider but obviously with SEN training, knowing the girl eloped and needed reins she should have known better… When I first read it I thought the girl had escaped from the house which my own DS has done more than once (including once when the door was locked but key was left in so he opened it that way). It’s terrifying and awful nevertheless.

JustCabbaggeLooking · 05/04/2026 00:41

Sartre · 04/04/2026 17:50

I can’t believe how much has been posted on Facebook by both the parents and the childminder about this. Obviously have no idea how I’d deal with this as a parent (nor do I want to think about it) but Facebook would be the absolute least of my worries. Found it weird they both posted about it THE DAY SHE DIED.

Anyway, the childminder was informed the girl was non verbal and prone to eloping so needed wrist reins. The CM responded to say she has SEN training and currently cares for another non verbal child with SEN plus has safety measures in place e.g doors are always locked. Mum didn’t sign papers to agree to let her take her out anywhere, she took her out anyway (presumably without reins) and this is how the tragedy took place.

The CM did sell herself as an outdoorsy provider but obviously with SEN training, knowing the girl eloped and needed reins she should have known better… When I first read it I thought the girl had escaped from the house which my own DS has done more than once (including once when the door was locked but key was left in so he opened it that way). It’s terrifying and awful nevertheless.

Very informative, thank you.
Heartbreaking.

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