AIBU to hope this heartbreaking story is a catalyst for change?

[homemadecarrotsoup]

I hope this awful story underlines the need for specialist support for parents with disabled children. I work in a special school and have seen the struggles may parent face when it’s school holidays.

https://www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937 www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937]]]]

Poor little girl and her family. And the childminder who I am sure is distraught. Just a really awful story and there are no winners or villains in it.

You feel so uneasy you thought you'd start a thread on a public internet forum? 🙄

This thread is mawkish and in very poor taste.

Same. We (well I) don't know the full story but you can just imagine a parent being desperate for childcare and perhaps overlooking whether the childminder was the perfect fit, and a childminder perhaps being used to SEN children with less severe needs and not realising the challenge of caring for a new child.

I agree it's helpful to focus on what SEN parents may need in the holidays, vs this particular case.

By that logic is it also 100% the parents fault for every child that dies when they’re under their parents care?

The point of saying that the childminder isn’t a nanny isn’t a weird take, it’s acknowledging that a childminder was never going to be able to provide the 1-1 care this child needed like a nanny could, nor were they going to be able to follow instructions from one parent when that instruction meant that all the other charges can’t receive normal provision and had to be stuck inside all day.

That is a terrible tragedy.

Then the childminder should not have accepted the engagement.

Are childminder’s not allowed to decline taking in kids that don’t fit their setting?

Again, a weird take. The child was not foisted on the childminder. Conversations were had.

Quite.
The babysitter and childminder facebook posts look like the wild west.

How sad .
Im still no the wiser as to what happened to Nyla .
Im not suggesting anyone is to blame but knowing how this happened to Nyla is important as there may be lessons that could help prevent such a tragedy .

It's not normal for parents with severely disabled children.

It's word of mouth, parents chatting, asking the school, council recommended (our LA has a vetted list)

I have a severely autistic non verbsl teen
I have never been able to leave him with just anyone
Thankfully we do get respite and staff are fully aware of his needs
Its difficult toasty whsts happened here was the child minder looking after other children my son would need 1:1
Its tragic 😥

You will find child minders won't take children with special needs if this one gets prosecuted. That will not be good for the children or their parents. There isn't always someone to blame, although it makes people feel better to have a villain.

You find a child minder on facebook because you are desperate and you have to have a high fence around your garden to keep her in because she's 'an escape artist' and just runs and runs given a chance and you have special locks on the house to keep her in, but the new child minder who presumably didn't have six foot fences and special door locks or know how much of a flight risk she was, was to blame? It doesn't even say the child minder took her out as far as I saw. I really don't think the parents should have even considered leaving her with an ordinary child minder, probably with several other children to look after.

Maybe the childminder shouldn’t have accepted the engagement, but equally the parents shouldn’t have left a child who needs 1-1 care with someone who obviously wasn’t going to be able to provide it.

These are available
My son goes to a decision needs holiday club and the same club every other Saturday its based in his special school with high perimeter fencing etc
He also hss 4 nights a month in a respite home
The problem is its tsken years to get this level of respite its its area dependent and only usually available for those with the most complex needs.

Its heartbreaking and I have a teenager with similar needs
The reality is that we have never been able to use childminders etc for him his hee needs 1: 1 supervision at all times to keep.him safe
I wouldnt expect a typical childminder to be able or willing to offer that.

The problem is there's no provision for children with SEN for school holidays. This poor child was obviously a really major flight risk and not suitable to be left with a childminder who was looking after other kids and taking them all out. Her mum probably didn't have any other options and the childminder didn't really understand the risk.

“The council even put up a six-foot fence to keep her in her garden and her mum has electronic locks on the house because she kept getting out.”

This.

"Didn't know how bad her needs were" means the childminder didn't do an adequate assessment then! It's called incompetence and it absolutely is her fault. The parents haven't lied - saying don't take her out, she's an escape artist and needs to be locked inside, is clear and unambiguous.

The childminder agreed to take on a job knowing she couldn't follow instructions but figured she knew better than the parents how to keep that child safe. Also, since the child was non-verbal, I'd guess she figured the parents would never find out she hadn't followed their instructions. So we can add arrogant and deceptive to incompetent.

This is an absolute tragedy whatever has happened and my heart goes out to Nyla’s family.

We don’t know the details. The police, who presumably do know the details, have indicated they do not think a crime has been committed so perhaps those on the thread baying for the childminder to be prosecuted should take a breath until we know more.

My sons is but they offer it as respite not child care so every school holiday he gets one-day a week
But it could be any day
Im his full time career
But for families where both parents work its very difficult.

We don't know the full details, how many other children was the child minder minding for example
Realistically Nyla should have had 1:1 when going out .

I see what the OP is getting at here. Ultimately even if both the parents and childminder may be partially culpable depending on exactly what was discussed/agreed the core issue is that there simply are no good options available for many families with a very high needs child.

Yes the childminder (& all childminders) could and quite likely should refuse to take on these children that need more support. Yes the parents probably should not seek a childcare place that cannot offer 1:1 knowing their child’s needs. Even if they had both acted differently the underlying issue would still exist and all OP is saying is that as long as it does there are going to be occasional tragic cases like this.

Yes, but if the childminder took her on knowing that, then she shouldn't have and it was wrong of her to do so. She hasn't necessarily committed a crime, people are saying "manslaughter", but as you say that depends on the details.

If she's been professionally negligent though she could be sued for that and it seems pretty obvious that she has. It won't bring the child back and I'm not big in suing, my point is that she's to blame for what happened if she didn't follow instructions and agreed to take on the job of caring for this child knowing she couldn't meet the child's stated needs.

She's trained as a childminder, it's literally her job to care for children, so she can be considered professionally competent to decide whether she's able to do that, or not, for any particular child.

Cries of "she didn't know how bad the child was, it's not her fault", are bullshit. She wasn't a random friend or neighbour who may not have understood the child's needs, she's a trained professional running a business. If she "didn't know" the level of the child's needs, that's incompetence. It's literally her job to find out, how else can she expect to provide adequate care to a child?

If she thought she knew better than the parents and didn't need to follow their instructions, that's arrogance. If she thought she could do whatever suited her and nobody would find out she hadn't followed instructions, that's deception.

Whichever way you look at it, if the parents didn't lie about the child's needs and downplay how easily she escapes, then the childminder is to blame for not keeping the child safe. She didn't have to take the job on. A few questions should have showed her that.
Like -
"how do you keep your child inside at home?" We have 6ft fences and electronic door locks.
"I don't have that, is she likely to escape my property?" maybe, yes.
"How do you manage when you're out?" We don't take her out, ever. If we really really have to do something essential with her, she wears reins and we never ever let go not even for one second because she'll run off.
"Ok, I understand. I can't accommodate her needs because I have multiple children to look after and she sounds like she needs one-to-one care at all times, you'll have to look elsewhere for childcare".

How hard is it to have a one minute conversation that shows she shouldn't take on this child?

With the comments about how she told the parents she was out a lot with the children, and then took on this child who had to be locked inside, that says to me that she's tried to waive her legal and professional responsibility to look after this child properly by batting the details back to the parents. You can't sign away your legal responsibility by essentially saying "it's at your own risk". That's just tactics to dissuade people from complaining but it doesn't stand up in law. If she's running a business she ought to know that and if she doesn't know it, that's on her.

She can't blame the parents for her own incompetence in looking after their child. It's not their fault for leaving the child with an incompetent person, that might apply if they'd left the child with a friend, but they left her with a trained professional. One who, in this particular case, could have and should have carried out an adequate assessment to see if she could meet the child's needs, then declined the job because she couldn't.

Its a heartbreaking situation round and it seems obvious that a typical childminder with several children to look after wouldn't be able to meet her needs
As a parent though
I wouldnt have left my son with somone who had several other mindees
Which realistically meant he could never have bern looked after by a child minder.

Given the national mood generally is that disability benefits need to be cut, that too many children are getting them and too much money is being spent on educating children with SEN one horrific tragedy isn’t going to change anything.

It’s fully expected when you have a child with a disability or SEN that you’ll end up giving up your job to care for them.
At the same time you’re not meant to claim any benefits because that’s not good.
If you’re struggling to cope you’re meant to “just ask for help”
However, you can’t have respite because there is a shortage of carers because the pay is terrible and the support lacking. You can’t have a home help worker because sure start and the likes are all gone.

This won’t change anything because this isn’t the first tragedy like this. It sadly also won’t be the last.

This thread is weird. So much conjecture and people don't even know what happened!

Agreed. I’ve read some emotive stuff from a friend of the child’s mum but nothing from the police or the childminder, so will wait and see what actual facts emerge.