AIBU to hope this heartbreaking story is a catalyst for change?

[homemadecarrotsoup]

I hope this awful story underlines the need for specialist support for parents with disabled children. I work in a special school and have seen the struggles may parent face when it’s school holidays.

https://www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937 www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk/news/people/nyla-bradshaw-no-suspicious-circumstances-say-police-amid-childminder-claims-6534937]]]]

Poor little girl and her family. And the childminder who I am sure is distraught. Just a really awful story and there are no winners or villains in it.

as with anything who pays the costs,

I just had a new dog sitter. I had about four forms to fill in- terms and conditions, vet details, behavioural details , and off-lead or not and that was to dog sit in my own home for three hours.

Surely a childminder taking on a child, with or without complex needs would have similar forms (obviously doctor rather than vets etc!) so they learn about a child’s behaviour, needs etc.

I've been a childminder for 20 years and I wouldn't take a SEN child out of my setting unless I knew I would be physically able to grab them, in fact I have a SEN child 1 day a week and last week was the first time we had been out of the house/garden in the last 6 months because I had my smaller and vulnerable toddlers off sick so I knew I could chase if needed without leaving them unattended.
This IS the childminders fault. It doesn't being the child back but I do think negligence charges should be considered.

Knew it was going to be this story. I read it with a lump in my throat. My DS is 5 and has SEN. I have to keep our doors locked at all times and I cannot leave the door open if I pop out to take the bin out or anything whilst he’s awake. He cannot be trusted- he leaves the house and will run down the street. He has zero sense of danger and has slipped out of our hands before to run across a road because he’s seen something he likes. It’s only sheer luck he hasn’t been seriously injured or worse.

It isn’t incompetent parenting, when they elope they are so fucking fast and it’s just a split second thing. I’ve kept up my running habit partially for this- so I’m fit and fast and can catch him when he darts off. We cannot and would not trust him in public without tightly holding his hands unless it’s an enclosed space. He’s attracted to water as well, as I’m imagining this poor little girl was. He would quite gladly jump into a pond to chase a bird.

It’s just terrible. The childminder knew the girl had to be watched at all times. Her door should have been locked. The poor poor parents. I haven’t shared the story with my DH, he can’t hear things like this without getting seriously upset.

I am surprised and actually quite disappointed at the aggression aimed at me in a thread I hoped would be respectful.

I have said above that I have no doubt the childminder should have done some things differently . However, I can see that looking after a little girl for the first time at a busy time of year will have thrown up the unexpected. This had an extremely tragic outcome.

The childminder made it clear to the parent that she was out with her charges a lot and tbh, that’s largely what I would expect from a childminder. I can’t imagine many people would be thrilled with their child never going out of the house. When childminders are suggested on here as an alternative to a nursery that’s usually one of the selling points.

Obviously if the childminder agreed not to take the child out and did anyway that is different, but that’s not what happened. I don’t really want to delve into tha out of respect tbh.

I work with families who are crying out for care for their special dc when they are not at school. They may need to work, have other caring responsibilities, not be in the best health etc. There is not a bank of specialist carers out there. Why? Because other jobs are easier and pay more. I have families who have lost their own children- escaping from houses, gardens, parks and the families are just ordinary people trying to eat, sleep, cook, use the bathroom, change the baby… and the child is gone, often (thankfully) brought back by the police. One child I worked with caused an early morning car accident running across a dual carriageway in the early hours of the morning. The family were asleep. The child had climbed out of the window. The only solution I can see is specialist provision-like school- where the site is secure and the adults to child ratio is high. And this is not the ‘normal’ experience of life most families want and most children need. So the answer is? I don’t know.

The childminder made it clear she was out a lot with the children. The issue seems to have been around wrist straps.

How do you know this? The article you linked to, and other reports I have read, make no reference to this.

How do you know this?

@OP how do you know so much about the detail that hasn't been written in the article?

I do know some additional detail but it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment further. The only thing I’ve indicated is that the childminder did tell the mother she was out a lot with the children and that is actually in the public domain.

What part of any of this thread was appropriate?

How can anyone think it is NOT the childminders fault?

But it's very different to usually being out with the children, and being specifically asked not to take this child out and ignoring it.
I don't really know why you've started this thread, you want to defend the CM but her actions do seem pretty indefensible.

Are you the CM in question here OP or related to her inn some way?

She was being paid to look after this child.

If the parent had requested the child not be taken out or supervised in a particular way then it was down to her to either not take on the child. The end. It really is that simple.

Instead she went against the mother’s wishes, having been made fully aware of the risks.

She should be prosecuted for manslaughter. There are no if’s and buts here.

And all this “it won’t bring the child back” bollocks is just language to protect the guilty.

As for “she will live with this for the rest of her life.” Good.

She should never be trusted to look after any child again.

It wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate neglect.

Respectful conversations dont really happen when you are trying to defend a childminder that neglected a disabled child so much that she drowned and died!

I think it’s perfectly appropriate to raise the struggles families of disabled children have accessing childcare. I didn’t start it as a torch and pitchfork thread.

I think it’s very apparent that the OP is connected to this case in some way and this thread should be removed.

Not least because hopefully prosecutions will follow, and any thread like this could prejudice a trial if one happens.

The mother used to take Nyla out on reins, such was her flight risk. That alone should have given the childminder a clue as to how vulnerable she was.

I agree OP. The child minder and other children in her care cannot be held back or made to stay stuck indoors for one other child's needs and that child's parents demands.

The child's mum should have looked for other suitable options if that's the case. You cannot expect the childminder and kids to stay in the house all day everyday the child's in their care.
If the child in question could not handle that, then they shouldn't have been placed there. The mum and dad knows the needs of their child more than the childminder. If the child minder said they cannot stay in doors or day then I don't think the childminders done anything wrong.

A family friend has given an interview and there are some more details in that I think.

If the childminder was asked not to take the child out and she did anyway I would have thought that was negligent but the police have suggested no charges.

The poor mother - having a disabled child but needing to work so making the decision to leave with a childminder and having his happen.

Its disgusting that there are not better options for the parents of disabled children - specialist provisions.

Well then sadly Nyla shouldn't have been placed there.

@ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey no, I’m not a childminder.

I think it’s a horrible tragedy and largely happened because the childminder just wasn’t an appropriate setting for children with the needs of this little girl. And this obviously wasn’t realised until this awful event had already happened.

I found just reading about it upsetting and I guess I think if there are any positives at all it is that change for disabled children and their families might come about.

It’s really disingenuous to start a thread pretending that it’s about the needs of families with disabled children when actually it’s about saying this specific CM didn’t do anything wrong in the death of this child.

A child has died in an incident that should never have happened. The CM should have been very clear with the parents if she wasn’t capable of offering the level of care the child needed. And the outing should have been risk assessed, and then cancelled if it wasn’t safe for all of the children in attendance that day.

glibly saying “the CM told the mum she went out a lot” is ridiculous, and actually offensive. A child is dead because of poor care.

I don’t think either of them did anything ‘wrong.’ The mother wasn’t wrong to work and the childminder wasn’t wrong to go out.

There are absolutely things that cold have been done differently but that’s not the same.