AIBU to wonder whether that kind of romantic love really exists?

nogainjustpain · 02/04/2026 19:30

I tend not to believe it. It’s a lie sold to women who think we must all grow up to be ‘saved’ by a man. My partners have done nice things for me but none of them have done the yearning etc. I think that would put me off them anyway 😂

or maybe I’m just bitter and jaded, and lots of MN folk will be along to say how romantic their men are!

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 02/04/2026 19:32

I have this. It took me multiple relationships and pdecades to find it. I class myself as very fortunate as from my and my friends experiences, its rare. I have always had to fight for even the basics in most of my previous relationships and that's been very hard

Hatty65 · 02/04/2026 19:37

Men yearning, being vulnerable in expressing their deepest feelings, looking lovingly with tears in their eyes?

It might be that I'm Northern and pragmatic, but someone like this would strike me as wet as a bloody lettuce and I couldn't be doing with it. DH is lovely, he's kind hearted, generous and tells me he loves me every day, despite the fact that we are both old and fat now and have been together for donkey's years.

I don't think he's ever looked at me with tears in his eyes, weeping in delight at how wonderful I am, but he will rub my feet every night, carries heavy shopping and has always been there to lean on like a solid rock. He is devoted to me, and I am to him and I'll be bloody devastated if he dies first.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 02/04/2026 19:38

Never had it. And by my current stage of life, I'm not sorry about that.

stnvcfo · 02/04/2026 19:39

I believe Mr and Mrs Bennet were a love match, which tells you all you need to know about that kind of carry on.

Readytoescape · 02/04/2026 19:56

I think love means different things to different people but life isn’t a film. But I think the more you look maybe the closer you come to finding what you need.

Beautifulhaiku · 02/04/2026 20:00

Hatty65 · 02/04/2026 19:37

Men yearning, being vulnerable in expressing their deepest feelings, looking lovingly with tears in their eyes?

It might be that I'm Northern and pragmatic, but someone like this would strike me as wet as a bloody lettuce and I couldn't be doing with it. DH is lovely, he's kind hearted, generous and tells me he loves me every day, despite the fact that we are both old and fat now and have been together for donkey's years.

I don't think he's ever looked at me with tears in his eyes, weeping in delight at how wonderful I am, but he will rub my feet every night, carries heavy shopping and has always been there to lean on like a solid rock. He is devoted to me, and I am to him and I'll be bloody devastated if he dies first.

I feel like this about my partner as well 👍

Namechangeoften · 02/04/2026 20:00

Yes, I've had this in three different relationships, but it's only been one part of each - there have also been arguments, misunderstandings and mundanity!

CloudPop · 02/04/2026 20:02

Ive only ever really observed this kind of love in second marriages. Two people have come out the end of their first marriage that didn’t work out for whatever reason, and are fully clear on what they want second time round. Obviously not all second marriages ! But I have friends who have that immense romantic love second time round

Listlostlast · 02/04/2026 20:07

Well, as with many book tropes, they don’t always necessarily translate well into real life. I feel like a tears in his eyes style love declaration would be a bit much on a Thursday night over sausage, mash and beans while the kids bicker over who gets the yellow cup and who has more grated cheese BUT I think deep, devoted love surely exists. If it doesn’t, my husbands a very convincing actor. If he was a cartoon, he’d have hearts in his eyes, the way he looks at me sometimes. He tells me every day how much he loves me, how lucky he feels, how great a mum I am, how much he loves our life together etc, and there’s literally nothing he wouldn’t do for me (well, apart from write sonnets!) so maybe it wouldn’t make it into a great novel, but it’s more than good enough for me 🥰

Beautifulhaiku · 02/04/2026 20:23

Sheliatakeabow · 02/04/2026 19:25

I’ve been watching “The Other Bennett Sister” on iPlayer (I throughly recommend it) I’ve always been a big fan of Jane Austen anyway.
However without giving any spoilers away, I found myself uncontrollably sobbing at the end of the final episode (and during others too).

I have realised I don’t think I’ve ever had ‘real’ romantic love, does this actually exist? Men yearning, being vulnerable in expressing their deepest feelings, looking lovingly with tears in their eyes?
I’ve had one relationship in the past that might have been slightly close to this, I thought he was ‘the one’ he was romantic in a way I hadn’t experienced before, but something was lacking in the bedroom department. He then eventually told me after many years that he had an addiction to pornography.

My current DP isn’t at all romantic to be honest.

I just want yearning, unwavering devotion, can’t live without each other, two souls entwined but also quiet affections in love.
I sometimes think it must just be fantasy…

Your current partner - is he kind? Does he make you laugh? Do you enjoy hanging out with him - does he make your life better? Are you a good team - do you look out for each other? To me, those things are much more important than yearning looks etc.

Ilovemyshed · 02/04/2026 20:42

Its not a fantasy. I endured for a while then met someone who is kind, warm hearted, romantic, steady, practical. If he goes away its a physical yearning both ways. We would literally walk 500 miles to be back together.

Bilger · 02/04/2026 20:46

Give me practical, pulls his weight, and hardworking every day of the week, over emotionally vulnerable, intense, yearning. It would do my head in to be honest.

libertyfortune · 02/04/2026 20:46

Hatty65 · 02/04/2026 19:37

Men yearning, being vulnerable in expressing their deepest feelings, looking lovingly with tears in their eyes?

It might be that I'm Northern and pragmatic, but someone like this would strike me as wet as a bloody lettuce and I couldn't be doing with it. DH is lovely, he's kind hearted, generous and tells me he loves me every day, despite the fact that we are both old and fat now and have been together for donkey's years.

I don't think he's ever looked at me with tears in his eyes, weeping in delight at how wonderful I am, but he will rub my feet every night, carries heavy shopping and has always been there to lean on like a solid rock. He is devoted to me, and I am to him and I'll be bloody devastated if he dies first.

Same. I would find a man mooning about, reading tearful romantic poetry to be a massive turn off and it would make me drier than the Sahara.

Now, him silently but intensely chopping wood, sweat glistening on his shirtless muscular chest- yes please!

We dont all like simps!

catipuss · 02/04/2026 20:47

It is fiction, your DP may be a lovely guy don't set your expectations ridiculously high.

PollyBell · 02/04/2026 20:49

If i had this i would run for the hills i
t has red flags galaore, any time I hear 'he is a perfect gentleman' I want ro say open your eyes

My husband is a normal human and that is just the way I like it

TheHouse · 02/04/2026 20:53

Happily married for over 20 years. If my husband starts looking at me intensely in the eyes/tears welling etc I think I’d have to leave the wet lettuce 🥬.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2026 20:55

Bilger · 02/04/2026 20:46

Give me practical, pulls his weight, and hardworking every day of the week, over emotionally vulnerable, intense, yearning. It would do my head in to be honest.

They’re not mutually exclusive.

Thesecretdiaryofadrianmole · 02/04/2026 20:58

It took me over 40 decades to meet the love of my life. I found myself first and then I found him by sheer magic. He makes my heart sing. He’s not a wimp but he’s kind. He’s not a pushover but he’s empathic. He is the first to hug and the last one to bed after washing up. He is my Mr Hayward. We sleep curled up together, he wipes my tears and we learn and grow together.

nacholibre · 02/04/2026 21:00

Ew no thanks. Soppy men like that arent attractive at all.

I want kindness and authenticity and genuine affection. Not performative crying and yearning and over sensitivity

auserna · 02/04/2026 21:00

I just want yearning, unwavering devotion, can’t live without each other, two souls entwined but also quiet affections in love.

Um, "just"??

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 02/04/2026 21:03

I think true love is seen in actions.
My husband makes me a coffee every morning (inclusive of tin foil "hat" if I'm having a lie-in), does all of the cooking, is an exceptional dad to our 5 yo daughter, and just generally makes me feel like a queen 👸

Changeitbacktomorrow · 02/04/2026 21:03

Thesecretdiaryofadrianmole · 02/04/2026 20:58

It took me over 40 decades to meet the love of my life. I found myself first and then I found him by sheer magic. He makes my heart sing. He’s not a wimp but he’s kind. He’s not a pushover but he’s empathic. He is the first to hug and the last one to bed after washing up. He is my Mr Hayward. We sleep curled up together, he wipes my tears and we learn and grow together.

That’s impressive that you attracted a man at 400+ years old 😂

auserna · 02/04/2026 21:04

Thesecretdiaryofadrianmole · 02/04/2026 20:58

It took me over 40 decades to meet the love of my life. I found myself first and then I found him by sheer magic. He makes my heart sing. He’s not a wimp but he’s kind. He’s not a pushover but he’s empathic. He is the first to hug and the last one to bed after washing up. He is my Mr Hayward. We sleep curled up together, he wipes my tears and we learn and grow together.

40 decades?? Are you Methuselah?

DyslexicPoster · 02/04/2026 21:05

Yes I have. But no one is perfect. So dh is very caring, devoted, has cried when he thought I might leave etc. But he isn't rich, very qualified and has a addictive and impulsive behaviours.

I think if you want someone to worship you, but not be jealous ( dh isn't- I do plenty without him while he parents etc). But to get that be highly qualified, high earner, fantastic at housework, no faults etc your looking at a ever shrinking pool. Like women I guess. We can't all be models from Cambridge with generational wealth etc.

Plus it's t a personal protective anyway. My mate has told me her last few partners have emotional intelligence. They have been far from perfect.