To be upset that I have to cancel my plans for DH’s plans?

[Cinai2]

DH mentioned a couple weeks ago that he’s made plans to see a friend on a certain date. At the beginning of this week, I told him that I want to go to the theatre and asked him if Wednesday or Thursday is better for him (we have a DC, so one can go out and the other one looks after DC) to which he replied ‘either‘. I booked my ticket for Thursday. This morning he tells me that he’s seeing his friend tonight. He acknowledged that he’d forgotten about it when I discussed my theatre plans earlier this week, but said that he had already plans in place for the 2nd April at the time I booked my theatre ticket and did mention this to me a couple of weeks ago, so his plans have priority. I kind of see his point but I’m also gutted, I don’t often go out and I’ve wasted the money on the theatre ticket now. I find it very hard not to be upset with DH. We don’t have childcare available unfortunately.

I've voted that YABU on the basis that he had told you he had plans on that date. And YAbothBU not to have a shared calendar to keep track of these dates so that you don't both forget.

If it's not in the house diary, it's not happening. First come first served.

It's not clear - he told you he had plans with a friend for 2nd April. You forgot, then asked him whether 1st or 2nd April suited. He forgot, then remembered?

If he'd told you a specific date and you'd forgotten, then YABU.

If he'd been ague, then made plans, then forgotten, YaBOTHunreasonable.

GET A SHARED CALENDAR!!!!

This - I can’t believe you’re thinking of cancelling your plans!!

He doesn't know these people. His meetup with the friend can be changed. He was the one who messed up by not remembering his own calendar.

He did mention that his plans are for 2nd April, but I didn’t think of this when I looked for my theatre ticket, and neither did he.

In that case, YABU.

Tbh OP sounds like the balance of power in your mareiage is way out. Clearly you checked with him before booking theatre tickets, he gave you the all clear, so its very clear you should be going to the theatre. Sounds like the dynamic is that what he says goes though.

You booked first, go to the theatre.

Buy a wall calendar and what’s on the calendar takes priority. Really he should have forfeited given he told you either day (he should be the one expected to remember not you) and you’d actually spent money on a ticket. In future i’d be saying are you sure you have nothing booked on this date as I am paying for a ticket so any plans you’ve forgotten about will have to be sacrificed. He was quite selfish here and i’d be pretty annoyed.

We have a shared Google calendar. It works as well as the people updating it.
Last week in the morning at 6am when we get up I said to my husband "do you have anything on tonight?". He replied no. At 9am he had the audacity to call and say "remember that work dinner I have tonight". I replied "why should I remember it when you.clearly didn't this morning, not is it in the calendar". He chuckled guiltily. Our rule is, if you forgot to add something then tough shit, the other person gets priority, and usually whoever puts something in first also gets priority. Of course if it's something awesome etc we will be flexible.

This system is absolutely essential if you don't want to be the default carer and inadvertently favours the woman as they generally have their calendar shit more together.

If this were us, DH would have agreed my event took priority. You’ve bought the tickets, you need to go to your show.

Do you not put things in your calendar? He told you he had plans when he made them. Do you normally just remember?

I get that you're disappointed, but I can't agree that it's his fault.

You have bought your ticket due to him messing up; he should be cancelling not you!

It's always the same with men - 'I don't know,' 'I didn't think,' 'I can't remember,' and to top it all, he wasn't really listening to you anyway. He forfeits his night out in favour of yours and hopefully that will encourage him to pay proper attention when you're making plans in the future.

If you sorted out a babysitter then you could go out whenever you want !
that’s what most parents have to do !

Both your faults. Why don't you have a calendar?

Finally, someone points this out!

You need to have a joint online calendar. The first entry in takes priority.

YANBU
You checked and he said which day.
You should go to the theatre (£££) and he can rearrange friend. Buy him a diary for Christmas.

This is what family calendars are for. In my family if it wasn’t on the calendar it didn’t count.

She double checked with him before booking and he said Wednesday or Thursday was fine with him. I'm not sure why the OP is expected to remember her husband's plans when he can't even manage that himself,

do people not use Calendars these days. It’s a bit of a shit situation but he did have plans beforehand and let you know in advance.

Can’t they meet at your house?

Going forward put a Kitchen calendar on the wall. First one to write it down is who gets the date - calendar rules. Or you could do electronic and share so it’s joint.