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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that I have to cancel my plans for DH’s plans?

128 replies

Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 15:25

DH mentioned a couple weeks ago that he’s made plans to see a friend on a certain date. At the beginning of this week, I told him that I want to go to the theatre and asked him if Wednesday or Thursday is better for him (we have a DC, so one can go out and the other one looks after DC) to which he replied ‘either‘. I booked my ticket for Thursday. This morning he tells me that he’s seeing his friend tonight. He acknowledged that he’d forgotten about it when I discussed my theatre plans earlier this week, but said that he had already plans in place for the 2nd April at the time I booked my theatre ticket and did mention this to me a couple of weeks ago, so his plans have priority. I kind of see his point but I’m also gutted, I don’t often go out and I’ve wasted the money on the theatre ticket now. I find it very hard not to be upset with DH. We don’t have childcare available unfortunately.

OP posts:
dadtoateen · 02/04/2026 16:07

Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 15:25

DH mentioned a couple weeks ago that he’s made plans to see a friend on a certain date. At the beginning of this week, I told him that I want to go to the theatre and asked him if Wednesday or Thursday is better for him (we have a DC, so one can go out and the other one looks after DC) to which he replied ‘either‘. I booked my ticket for Thursday. This morning he tells me that he’s seeing his friend tonight. He acknowledged that he’d forgotten about it when I discussed my theatre plans earlier this week, but said that he had already plans in place for the 2nd April at the time I booked my theatre ticket and did mention this to me a couple of weeks ago, so his plans have priority. I kind of see his point but I’m also gutted, I don’t often go out and I’ve wasted the money on the theatre ticket now. I find it very hard not to be upset with DH. We don’t have childcare available unfortunately.

When he mentioned it and said a certain date, did he tell you that date?

Sounds like you both need a daily wall planner.

If hubby told you the date then you have both forgot, these things happen, no stress, no drama

Dancingsquirrels · 02/04/2026 16:07

Sounds like you both messed up so I'm on the fence as to who should cancel

Going forward, suggest using Google calendar. If it's not in the calendar, it doesn't get priority

Nonamenoplacetogo · 02/04/2026 16:11

Get a babysitter??

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2026 16:13

People often write ‘we don’t have childcare available’ without saying what they mean. Do you mean you can’t afford a babysitter, or live in some rural back of beyond where there are no sitters, or have no friends to ask, have no neighbours to ask, or know no teenagers to ask etc etc

Original poster
Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 16:13

Agree that we both have messed up. He did mention that his plans are for 2nd April, but I didn’t think of this when I looked for my theatre ticket, and neither did he.

He has now agreed that I should look for a new ticket and he’ll pay the difference (I got a good deal on today’s ticket, even if I cancel I couldn’t rebook for the same price).

OP posts:
Velumental · 02/04/2026 16:13

Dancingsquirrels · 02/04/2026 16:07

Sounds like you both messed up so I'm on the fence as to who should cancel

Going forward, suggest using Google calendar. If it's not in the calendar, it doesn't get priority

How did she mess up exactly?

Shedmistress · 02/04/2026 16:15

Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 16:13

Agree that we both have messed up. He did mention that his plans are for 2nd April, but I didn’t think of this when I looked for my theatre ticket, and neither did he.

He has now agreed that I should look for a new ticket and he’ll pay the difference (I got a good deal on today’s ticket, even if I cancel I couldn’t rebook for the same price).

You havent both messed up. He has messed you about.

Original poster
Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 16:15

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2026 16:13

People often write ‘we don’t have childcare available’ without saying what they mean. Do you mean you can’t afford a babysitter, or live in some rural back of beyond where there are no sitters, or have no friends to ask, have no neighbours to ask, or know no teenagers to ask etc etc

We don’t have family near by. We have a nanny we sometimes use, but she’s unavailable today. DS is only 18 months and we don’t really want to leave him with a random sitter we’ve never met before at this age, he’s also not that easy to settle and I don’t think it would work with someone he’s never met.

OP posts:
pinkspeakers · 02/04/2026 16:16

Unless you have very separate finances, him paying for a new ticket seems quite pointless. The money is lost to the household either way. But I guess we have very shared finances so I find it hard to get my head around the idea that I would be compensated by DH paying.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2026 16:17

Cinai2 · 02/04/2026 16:15

We don’t have family near by. We have a nanny we sometimes use, but she’s unavailable today. DS is only 18 months and we don’t really want to leave him with a random sitter we’ve never met before at this age, he’s also not that easy to settle and I don’t think it would work with someone he’s never met.

Show quote history

In that case what I’d probably do is you go, he settles baby down for the night, then joins his friends a bit later, get a babysitter to just call him if baby wakes so he can go home.

dadtoateen · 02/04/2026 16:20

Velumental · 02/04/2026 16:13

How did she mess up exactly?

Show quote history

Where she says he did say he is out 2nd April, but she didn't think when booking tickets...

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 02/04/2026 16:21

What time are his friends out till ? As the theatre finishes quite early.

TinyCottageGirl · 02/04/2026 16:22

Can't he just message his friend and arrange to do the next day or week after? If no money has been spent and the friend is flexible location wise, he should reschedule.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 02/04/2026 16:24

He should skip his own trip out. This is on him and you’ve already spent the money. It would be selfish of him to prioritise himself.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 02/04/2026 16:25

You are both unreasonable- you need a joint calendar either paper or on your phone that you can both see. Then if it’s not in there then it’s not locked in.

In this case he did mention it weeks ago so he goes you rebook

HyacinthsAndPeonies · 02/04/2026 16:26

This is why calendars were invented. You could blame him for not remembering his own plans, or you could blame yourself for not remembering what he'd told you a couple of weeks ago. Next time, put it on the calendar (can have a shared one on your phones) and this won't happen.

Having said that, as he said you could go out either day and has now reneged, I'd be asking him to refund you the cost of your ticket.

Tacohill · 02/04/2026 16:29

Velumental · 02/04/2026 16:13

How did she mess up exactly?

Show quote history

He did mention that his plans are for 2nd April, but I didn’t think of this when I looked for my theatre ticket, and neither did he.

He told her that he had plans on the 2nd before she had even looked for her tickets.

OP it was 100% your fault that you double booked and so it should be you that cancels - it’s crap still and easily done so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.

Can you ask the theatre if you can exchange the tickets for a different day instead?

Tacohill · 02/04/2026 16:30

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 02/04/2026 16:24

He should skip his own trip out. This is on him and you’ve already spent the money. It would be selfish of him to prioritise himself.

Why should he miss out?

It’s sad OP has to miss out but he had told her his plans well ahead of time.

PurpleThistle7 · 02/04/2026 16:33

Doesn't help for tonight but you should get a system to avoid this happening again - we use a shared google calendar but my friends use a proper calendar on the wall.

Personaliy I think it’s obvious he would cancel tonight as there’s no money in involved and a trip to the pub with a bunch of strangers doesn’t seem that important but up to you.

JustGiveMeReason · 02/04/2026 16:37

DS is only 18 months and we don’t really want to leave him with a random sitter we’ve never met before at this age, he’s also not that easy to settle and I don’t think it would work with someone he’s never met.

Oddly enough, most of us don't leave our dc with "a random sitter we've never met before". We use babysitters we have taken the time to get to know.

BotterMon · 02/04/2026 16:38

He told you the date a couple of weeks ago. If you didn't note it then that's on you. You also asked Wednesday or Thursday; had you said 1st or 2nd April he probably would have twigged.

diddl · 02/04/2026 16:38

DH mentioned a couple weeks ago that he’s made plans to see a friend on a certain date.

And the certain date he mentioned was today?

So you both forgot?

Catcatcatcatcat · 02/04/2026 16:39

Why does he think he takes priority?

Allswellthatendswelll · 02/04/2026 16:40

You need a joint calendar (preferably virtual) and first one who puts it in gets to go out.

Tableforjoan · 02/04/2026 16:42

You both forgot. But you did check with him before you got your tickets. You were not to know that his plans hadn’t been changed or cancelled so when he confined either date was good that was him saying he had no plans.

It’s not your job to keep track of his social calendar especially if you are also still asking before booking or making arrangements your self. Ultimately he said you could go and then realised he fucked up.

He should move his plans since they are free or fully reimburse the ticket and match the new ticket price.