AIBU to feel harassed by charity chuggers targeting women in public?

[Bertiebiscuit]

I'm so sick of male charity chuggers, i watch them always bear down on older lone women - the "Dorothy Donor" stereotype is still operating i guess- i am on a fixed income, cannot afford to give money to charities, although I'm a regular buyer in charity shops and always donate goods when i have a clear out. As if i would give out my card details in public anyway, they must think we're stupid! And all that fake "charming" act they put on - hello 'young' lady, i like your hat/coat/haircut blah blah 🤮. Long story short i ignore them and march past,but lately several have felt they can shout snarky comments as i walk away, basically is amounting to street harassment,bog standard male bullsh*t and entitlement. I confess that the most recent one i gave him the finger. I feel as though I'm just prey, as women and girls always seem to be, and it makes me furious.

I see them ignoring men all the time and picking women. Even when they do ask the men, they would be very unlikely to stand in their way or swear at them for saying no.
You can call it women victim mentality all you like but it doesn't make it any less true than women are targeted more than men. It's like saying men are subject to just as much sexual violence or domestic violence as women because you know a man who has experienced it, doesn't mean it is an equally experienced situation between the sexes. Awful regardless of who ever experiences it, but not experienced in equal quantities. I can guarantee my partner has never been blocked by one, swore at etc because they would be far more worried about his reaction than mine

Creepy, sleazy?! All this from me saying if I was a young chugger as a woman I'd enjoy chatting with good looking men.

It is possible to speak with members of the opposite sex and not be creepy and sleazy you know.

Don't all (straight) women, young or otherwise enjoy chatting to good looking men, or is it just me?

Complete with low top and high heels?

I don’t know where you live that there are a lot of good looking men so would you try to charm the older uglier ones?

Well, no, of course I wouldn't, but I also wouldn't compare people who are trying to make a living by doing an unpopular job with men who sexually assault or abuse women.

If chuggers are actively harassing women, following them or physically threatening them in any way, then people should call the police. I have never seen a chugger behaving in this way but obviously, if that's happening, then they should be reported and dealt with.

I'm commenting on the more typical chugger behaviour where they don't want to take no for an answer - I have seen this happening to others and I often feel that they could easily shut the conversations down with a different approach.

Well ‘fuck off’ is usually effective. They are creepy ‘hello lovely lady’ etc.

The law should be changed so that you cannot do other than collect cash in this way, no taking of anyone's card details in a public place. Those who employ them are also probably breaking minimum wage legislation if it applied to them.

In the meantime agree with calling the police.

I refuse to give any personal details to anyone on the street on principle, nevermind my bank details! I hate those market research ppl too, they often follow and try and give me 'compliments'. I find it really awkward so I just walk away.

My go to is “I already give to charity” seems to shut them up. Anyone who pays tax and that’s anyone who buys things with VAT, which is everybody, pays money to charity. Many “charities” are completely bankrolled by Government spending. Another one is “are you trying to sell me something?” to random sellers you sometimes get in the street. I can’t stand these people and will actively avoid talking to them.

I got tricked by one recently, who called out "excuse Miss, did you drop this?" to get my attention. When I realised what he had done, I could have punched him! Cheeky fucker

It's all about the word 'no' being respected and not leading to any form of harassment. Women shouldn't have to try a million ways of saying no for it to be respected and not be called a bitch or whatever. It's not just an unpopular job, it's predatory. Targeting mainly women or vulnerable. Could you imagine going into Asda and being harassed by their staff to put extra items in your trolley trying to strike up conversation with you to get you to part with more money and then when you tell them to leave you alone they make rude comments or carry on. No, that would be ridiculous, but it's acceptable because the chuggers are raising money for charity?

As a 17 year old, trying to catch a bus, being walked Infront of prevented from going around them while they were side stepping, arguing with me, I shouldn't have to shout at them to fuck off and leave me alone, I shouldn't have to contact the police. The practice should simply be banned

In previous jobs I saw a lot of older people's finances and the amount of older women who had many direct debits set up to charities when they were struggling to pay for necessities was extraordinary. I can only imagine how many of these were set up through these people

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack

I'm commenting on the more typical chugger behaviour where they don't want to take no for an answer - I have seen this happening to others and I often feel that they could easily shut the conversations down with a different approach.

It's not in itself an unfair point, and you say that some people don't know how to handle persistent chugging, which is true. But I think it's also true that not everyone is capable of giving a response that might shut the conversation down - people who are very socially awkward/have social anxiety, for example.

Depending on the individual and their temperament, a persistent chugger can be an intimidating experience.

A fun variation of this is to look them in the eye and say ‘Nah, sorry mate, I don’t speak English’.
If they persist and tell you that you are actually speaking English just deny it - ‘No, I’m not. I just told you I don’t speak English’.
I get a bit of amusement out of it 😊

@Cherriesandapples1

It's all about the word 'no' being respected and not leading to any form of harassment.

That's a good point - presumably the chuggers (and any decent-minded person) would agree that "no means no" when it comes to sex. They would presumably consider anyone persisting after that to be behaving inappropriately. But they don't apply the same standards to their role as a chugger.

At least in some cases, I think it's because they're explicitly trained not to take the first 'no' for an answer. An article by a professional chugger referred to the process as "objection handling".

I tell them that as a matter of principle, i don't give to any charity that uses chuggers.

There's not a lot they can say to that really. I am more than happy to explain in great detail exactly what I think of chugging but sadly I guess I have the kind of face that screams for God's sake don't set her off on one.

Sometimes it's not though. Just like the double glazing salesman I just sent packing after he ignored my polite "I don't do any business at the door" who got a very brusque "No. Goodbye." and the door shut in his face.

A suggestion for anyone who receives unprovoked rudeness/insults/verbal abuse from a chugger:

Pretend to cry. Be as loud as you can. Say through your sobs that you don't deserve to be spoken to like that. Make a big show for as long as you can; hopefully the chugger will be embarrassed by the scene and it will mean they will avoid being rude in future.

Like I say, I don't agree with the practice, but I blame the charities which employ people to do it, rather than the people who may be doing the jobs because they can't find anything else. I would be happy for it to be banned, and I'm happy for any chuggers who are behaving inappropriately to be reported to their employers and/or the police as appropriate.

I just think that there is generally no need to be rude to people who are probably doing a shitty job that they hate because they need the money.

I can categorically say I've never worn a low top and high heels. I'm more of a chunky dm boot and jeans/t-shirt sort.
Wrt good looking men: London. When I was younger and at university there, good looking men were plentiful 😁

This doesn’t surprise me. I used to get hassled by chuggers everywhere, all the time, 15–20 years ago. It happens a lot less now I am 50. On the whole, I suspect young women feel less confident about shutting them down than those of us who have a lot more life experience, so they are seen as easy targets.

I put my hand up in a 'stop' sign and say 'can I just stop you there. I'm not interested'. And then walk away. You don't owe them your time.

I get this all the time at London stations. I smile and walk straight past saying 'I'm not stopping'. They are a pain but they are also (mostly) kids trying to earn a living so I cut them some slack. .

One did once tell me I looked kind and I told them "Actually, I'm a total bitch'. Coming from a tiny pensioner it shocked him and made us both laugh.

They're not enslaved, they can choose not to do that job. I would personally rather try and survive on benefits than work in a job which involves me trying to con vulnerable people into giving me their bank details for commission or harassing people. Sometimes the only way I've managed to get rid of them is when I've been rude or they literally won't leave you alone. I do blame the charities ultimately as they know what these people are doing but I certainly don't hold these people who do it as blameless

@MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack

I think it's okay to be rude back if they are rude first. Otherwise, I generally agree that someone should try to be polite, but if their behaviour gets out of line, politeness can be dropped.

I hate chuggers and people who knock on doors to sign me up. I refuse on principle, as the last thing I want to do is encourage charities to employ even more of these people.

There was a really aggressive one outside Tesco in Richmond when we stayed there last year, genuinely made me not want to visit the shop again. I’ve also had the “you look like a kind person” opening gambit.

Too many don’t take a polite “no thanks” for an answer, when that’s all that should be needed to leave me the fuck alone.

Yes, and as I've said above, I would happily ban the practice. But while it is still legal, I would recommend that people develop better strategies for dealing with it so that they don't end up having these unpleasant interactions in the street with random strangers. And yes, I do appreciate that it might be a challenging situation for people who are socially anxious or whatever, but surely that's all the more reason for them to have a strategy for shutting down the conversation with minimal aggro.

If you say something like: "That sounds like a good cause and I wish you the best of luck with it, but I already have chosen charities which I prefer to support, and I will be directing any spare money I might have towards those. Plus in any case, I have an absolute rule that I will never sign up for anything in the street under any circumstances, so I am not going to waste any more of your time today, thank you", then 99% of the time, they will leave you alone and move on to the next person.