AIBU to feel harassed by charity chuggers targeting women in public?

[Bertiebiscuit]

I'm so sick of male charity chuggers, i watch them always bear down on older lone women - the "Dorothy Donor" stereotype is still operating i guess- i am on a fixed income, cannot afford to give money to charities, although I'm a regular buyer in charity shops and always donate goods when i have a clear out. As if i would give out my card details in public anyway, they must think we're stupid! And all that fake "charming" act they put on - hello 'young' lady, i like your hat/coat/haircut blah blah 🤮. Long story short i ignore them and march past,but lately several have felt they can shout snarky comments as i walk away, basically is amounting to street harassment,bog standard male bullsh*t and entitlement. I confess that the most recent one i gave him the finger. I feel as though I'm just prey, as women and girls always seem to be, and it makes me furious.

Try “I’ve already donated”.

I’m not British, despite living here for 20 years, so I often just say “I don’t live here” or “I’m a foreigner” in my North American accent. Sometimes, if I feel like it, I’ll say “I don’t speak English” in French. Both work!

They knock on doors here but don't give you enough time to answer. If I do answer, I give my standard reply (see pp) and nothing else.

My foolproof way of getting rid of them:
Tell them that you already have a Direct Debit with them.

Infallible!

They say to me "You look friendly" I say I'm really not and walk off. Or I'm in a rush to get kids.

I'm going to try the already have a dd with them. Although I feel why should we lie to get rid of these nuisances - a polite no thank you should be enough!

It is enough if you don’t stick around for a chat…
no thanks and keep walking!

@ToKittyornottoKitty

From what the OP said, it sounds like the chugger made a snarky comment first and she gave him the finger in response to his rudeness.

Charity donations aren't an obligation, so if chuggers are making rude comments when someone chooses to walk past them, that's totally out of line and very unprofessional.

I honestly don’t understand how they ever get any sign ups.

they’re outside the tube station where I work and everyone is in a hurry either to get to work or to get home. I actually swerve them outside the tube and there are always about 3-4 of them. Awful.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s actually given money or signed up with one of these people.

The last time a chugger stopped me, I told him I wasn't allowed to talk to strangers.

More people should try that line - after all, a lot of us were warned about Stranger Danger when we were younger.

The son of someone I used to work with was a ‘chugger’ a few years ago whilst at uni.

He said his team leader told the men and women to target older women as they were more likely to be sympathetic, but told the young women to also target older men where possible, as older men like to be approached by younger women. The women were told that ‘flirting’ could help, especially with ‘unattractive men’. 🤢🤮

He left after a few days and said it the worst job he’d ever had.

Did anyone watch the recent Last One Laughing series. All the comics were asked to think about what their pet peeve was. Alan Carr said chuggers, or as he liked to call them, chunts. All the other comics including the normally unbreakable Bob Mortimer had to walk away from him because they were trying to hold in laughter.

I’m not entirely sure that they do hone in on the most vulnerable. My DH is always targeted. I sometimes am. My sister, a wheelchair user, could practically roll along beside them shouting: “Yoohoo, down here!” and would be ignored.

If you avoid eye-contact, they tend to go for the person behind you.

Someone has tried the don’t you care line on me - I said no, just don’t give a shit.

Or if they try flattery, the last one was hey lady with the beautiful scarf, I just said, it is, isn’t it, and just carried on.

I don’t tend to get stopped much. I have perfected the middle distance stare. I perfected it to break up men hogging pavements expecting women to give way. They suddenly clock I am not going to shift aside and they scatter. But it also works on chuggers.

If I do get intercepted again, I am going to tell them Sorry, I don’t speak English in my very English voice.

If you have the confidence, here are a few suggestions if you're actually stopped:

1: Say you're not allowed to talk to strangers/aren't allowed to talk to a member of the opposite sex unless your chaperone is present.

2: Tell them you don't agree with the cause the charity is raising money for - they can't expect you to donate money after that.

3: Something I once did is look very awkward and scared and start mumbling "I'm shy" when one engaged me in conversation. I just kept doing this and squirming and mumbling and fidgeting about and he left me alone.

4: Just stand there silently. Say nothing at all when they ask you questions.

5: When they get started on the topic, cut in after a while and say, "I find this subject really boring, can we talk about something fun?"

6: Tell them that you're happy to chat with them, but it will be over lunch in a restaurant and you expect them to foot the bill.

Ha ha, brilliant. I can't wait to fully engage in my full irritable, eccentric self when I'm old and I'll get left alone when grumpy.

If you just say in clipped RP ‘terribly sorry I don’t speak English!’ It confuses them for long enough for you to get away.
Also useful for creepy men on public transport, bars anywhere really. Totally baffles their teeny tiny minds. Tried and tested

You embarrassed yourself being rude and swearing. It's just their job. Just say you already donate and move along. Easy.

I just shake my head and keep walking. I feel bad for them but I don’t agree with chugging in principle and don’t feel I owe them an explanation.

I had one stop me outside of Waterloo station and wouldn’t take no for an answer, was following me down the street still chatting his spiel until I told him to leave me alone, that I was dying from cancer - which is true. Only then did he look shocked and stop.

We have the energy supplier ones hanging out by the entrance of our local supermarket. It annoys me, as I just want to get in and out of the store without being stopped. I'd never in a million years sign up to an energy deal in this way; in the same way as I'd never sign up to give regularly to a charity. These people will tell you anything and promise the earth, to secure a sale/continuing donation.

I normal say 'No thank you', and continue on my way. Or I try hard to enter/exit whilst they're harassing someone else!

I think it's incredibly rude that people accost you when you're just trying to go about your business. It's even worse when they knock on your front door (when you're trying to WFH too!)

I won't be unkind to people, because they're trying to earn a living, and it's an awful job to have. But I always say "I don't want to waste your time, so I'll tell you now that I never sign up to anything without proper research. I'd be happy to take a leaflet and your contact details so I can sign up through you if I decide to."

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I need to know more about the cause, and think about what it means to me, and where it might fit in with my finances.

Benefit of ageing, you give up caring what strangers think about you.

I refuse to support charities that use chuggers. It's intrusive and the positions are usually exploitative.

I am sick of being asked to donate / sign up to a charity every time I go out shopping.

Whilst I acknowledge they are only doing a job, I usually reel off the list of charities who have asked me exactly the same question in the last few months. I then tell them to ask their fat cat, overpaid, top dogs to give up a percentage of their salary instead. And then I tell them I do volunteer work at a local charity.....

At this point, they usually can't wait to get rid of me 🤣

But, the lowest of the low have been charities who sit and accost people at the entrance to our local hospital. 😡

I say “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English” in perfect RP and it takes them a while to figure out what just happened.