AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

People random singing really annoys me too, I don’t know why. I’d never ask them to stop though, or be rude about it.

DH sings, he had singing lessons as a kid and will randomly sing alone to like shop background music, or music while in the queue and it gives me such bad embarrassment it’s unreal. My skin crawls and I’ll try to interrupt with conversation 🤣 but I’d never tell him not to or give him a complex about it.

I think younger children would enjoy you singing but teenagers could find it embarrassing and a bit annoying a bit like living in a Mary Poppins musical. Were you breaking into song several times a day or just a couple of times a week?
You could still sing Happy Birthday and sing on your own. Why not join a choir and express yourself that way. I sing in a Gospel Choir and look forward to the sessions.

Are you singing quietly to yourself as you make dinner, for example, or is it more performative? Do you intend for your family to hear? Because that is annoying, regardless of how good your voice is.

There's nothing wrong in singing along to a song on the radio when you are going about your day at home but if you are talking one minute then burst into song like you are Doris Day in a musical then that is irritating. My niece sings along to anything and it's just bits of a song at a time and although she has a lovely voice and I love her a lot it gets on my nerves.

I can sympathise. I have a friend and SIL who both sing around the place. I think both of them think they have good voices but that’s not the point. I find it quite attention seeking and it drives me mad - it’s like a dripping tap!

I think it would be quite pathetic to refuse to sing happy birthday.

Being with someone that makes noise all the time is so annoying. Some people just can't be quiet. I'm sure people would like to have the radio on and listen to the actual radio instead of you singing over the top. You don't have to be a terrible singer , making noise all the time is bloody annoying.

Fuck them all. If singing makes you feel good keep doing it (singing is good for you -it stimulates the vagus nerve) I’m a terrible singer - but I sing all the time. If people told me to stop doing something that made me happy I’d just assume they were a wanker!

Oh and try and join a choir, leave your DH snd kids to fend for themselves whilst you enjoy doing something that makes you happy away from their miserable arses.

Just the fact you mention you thought they meant just singing in public makes me think it's pretty bad. Most of us know not to sing in public. Doesn't matter how good you are, no one wants a one woman concert going on at the next table when they're eating dinner.

My ex husband would moan about me singing. Said it was horrific. Then the kids joined in when they were old enough. Weirdly enough, at this point I started getting compliments from strangers if I was singing along (quietly) at work, in the shop or my car.

I've now left him, and my youngest and I spend so much time singing! We spend many a night with close friends singing in their house too. I've never been happier! Just a little thought. Some people just like to suck the joy from you!

I think it all depends on the context. I usually sing along in the car to the radio, but I don’t do it loudly. And I’d sing in church but again not loudly. So maybe they think you’re just too loud and it’s annoying.
not singing happy birthday is just childish.

It’s up to you. Sing if you want but know others don’t appreciate it.

some people whistle when they are happy. I hate the sound though - I’d struggle to live with someone who did it.

It’s maybe a ‘not you it’s me’ situation. It’s not that your singing is particularly bad - just that they don’t enjoy listening to singing v often.

YANBU för being hurt (everyone should be allowed to sing no matter how badly) but YABU for being passive-aggressive about it.

Your posts imply that you sing for other people’s ‘benefit’ more than your own and that is very annoying, especially when you have a bad voice.

Singing in general is never a problem, no matter how bad someones voice is.
Nothing makes me happier than hearing people sing even if they’re awful.

But when people think they’re good singers and sing in front of people for attention, then yes it winds me up.

If you’re not singing for attention, then why does it matter if you have a bad voice.
You’re singing because you’re happy, not for any other reason.

Please don't stop singing. It's good for the soul. The more you use your voice the better it gets. Please please don't stop singing in church.

Your husband and son are being awful. Years ago a friend criticised my singing and it stayed with me and I thought I was awful. I didn't stop singing and later joined a choir which won competitions and all my choir mates commented how good my voice is. I get lots of compliments on my voice now. I think the practice helped.

Why not join a choir. If your voice isn't good it will benefit from the practice. Plus your voice hides in a choir.

Or go for some singing lessons. I love singing. The voice is an instrument and can be trained.

This is so horrible OP. I love it when I hear my family members sing, and theirs is generally not tuneful, but it makes me smile because I think you sing when you’re relaxed and basically happy. I would tell them you were hurt by it- you don’t have to make a massive deal of it but your teens especially need to learn that speaking so critically of someone like that is not ok.

@Situationallystuck your DH was nasty.

Even if you had the worst voice in the world he should have said that as you shouldn't stop someone doing something that clearly makes them happy.

I'd personally be sharing some of his faults with him.

Why would you continue to do something you know annoys others and intrudes on them?Does your right to sing trump their right to peace?

Sorry OP but it is super annoying when people sing constantly, especially when you can tell that person thinks they're good at it and they do it at a higher volume than most would (everyone songs under their breath at times) so it feels performative.

I actually doubt your voice is bad, I imagine it's just pissing your DH and kids off that you're always doing it. I've got visions of you singing loudly while doing the washing up, putting washing away etc.

I think it would be really petty not to sing happy birthday. There is a difference between singing happy birthday or along to the radio and constantly 'performing' when others can hear you.

That is very hurtful. I sing all the time, very very badly (tone deaf due to hearing issues). I’ve been told by family, in a loving way, that I sound like a strangled cat but I like to sing so tough. If you enjoy singing then sing, everyone else can leave the room if it offends their delicate ears!

I instinctively hum show tunes DH has said it annoys him so I ensure I don’t do it around him. I can see it would be annoying.

My daughter says this kind of thing but that's because she's 13 and terminally embarrassed by everything I do. Objectively, I know I'm a decent singer as I sing in a classical choir and lead my section sometimes.

Ignore them.

Be yourself.

Your DH is mean though.

Belting it out when people are trying to work/concentrate/sleep or in public attracting attention is probably inappropriate.

Otherwise sing your heart out - just maybe not at full volume.

Why don't you turn this on its head and have some singing lessons? I doubt your voice is terrible but lessons might sharpen it up again.

In the meantime I'd tell the kids and your DH that you sing when you're happy so you feel sad they don't like to hear you sing but it's something you do so you're going to carry on doing it. Just make sure you keep it short until your lessons re-establish what must be a great voice again. 💝

If you love singing do it as a hobby. Join a choir, have singing lessons, do what brings you joy.

Singing is basically taking up your environment’s hearing space. Some people want peace and quiet and the singer fills that with sound. That’s invasive and can be irritating.

On the other hand, singing is an expression of joy. So it is a good thing to do.

If you’re good or not doesn’t matter. Even the best voice invades the space and yes “if you don’t like it filling your head space just f off outside… okay…”

A compromise must be found.

Don’t set a passive aggressive example to your kids by never singing happy birthday again OP